under passions employ

I guess it's not the lonliness that drags me. I know I am not alone in that arena. But it goes beyond the simple notion of being alone. For years I have participated in things and even found a certain amount of success in those things. But I could never get over the repurcussions of winning in the eyes of other people. You see, a winner wins because he works hard and strives to be victorious. It does not matter what stands between himself and the finish line. Winning doesn't even matter that much. The point of being is to be passionate about certain things that have value in the eyes of the worker. If there exists a will to be successful, then that will will translate into a motion that is free from consequential thought. It is the motion itself that signifies true victory because it signifies will. But when the people are no longer around, and the noise has grown to a silence, there is only the feeling of being alone. This success is a reflection of the effort made through passionate drive and will. The consequence of winning is lonliness and expectation for even more.
The truth is, nobody cares. Ultimately, people need people to be victorious; at any cost. The conversations that come about are substantial in that they represent a kind of belonging to the effort. People can understand that to be good at any one thing, it has to come through tremendous effort. But what those conversations miss are the pitfalls of those who reach their goals. Once a finish line has been crossed for the first time, it can no longer be crossed again in that same way. The emotions involved are such that nobody can understand them unless they have literally bled through efforts of their own; drank to the point of death in dealing with unwanted repurcussions; had one shitty relationship after another, and so on.
We all hide comfortably behind our veils. God knows we cannot afford to show how human we are. In social life, the masks we wear hide us inside ourselves. Anything we do within that framework is not truely ours. It belongs to the effort itself in the social context. In order to find success, one must take on a new persona, a goal oriented persona that is believable by even the educated ones. This is not something that can be maintained 24 hours a day by anyone. Any succes that comes while the eyes look through the little holes is a success by the other persona. If that other persona cannot break away from that social success; in whatever endeavor, then coming down from that plank is fast and cold; the immediate opposite of success. Because we all act in various ways, the success we find must be done through the real us as individuals. The masks we wear must be in the storage closet as we cross that line in order for success to occur. Once that happens, the lonliness still exists, but the quiet time is spent in silence and dignity with no constraints or social ties of any kind. Success then has no boundary so long as it comes from the passionate employment of the true self; the human self; the emotional self, the one true you. Lonliness never goes away for me, does it you?