nameless

It's like being alone along the highway as people pass you by at sixty-five and feeling as if the whole world is passing you by without anyone knowing or caring who you are or if you even have a name. It is like being in the stands at a game in which you were a part of in past times but can no longer participate in. It is seeing every other person on the street and thinking silently how they all despise you and everything you stand for. It is the realization that there is no place for you in this world and that it could possibly be a better place if you were no longer in it. It is like a large and heavy bag upon your back just to get up out of bed in the morning with the understanding that you have to face the world that exists right outside your front door knowing with all of your heart that there is no place in the world for you. The frightening trends that often accompany these outrageous thought patterns are almost too devastating to bear. During these cycles comes the carnival.
The carnival is nothing more than your mind being incapable of turning itself off leaving the body in a trance-like state of consciousness based solely on a lack of sleep. You keep waiting for the lights to go down but they only seem to increase in intensity as the crowd and the noise gets louder and louder still. In this place the only thing that can happen is a crash and that can happen anywhere and at anytime. Until that time however, you must endure it with a steady beat and one hell of an imagination. Some would say you need to be medicated or locked up somewhere. Other's would say you are off your rocker and need medication. But the fact is the only way to win this battle is to endure somehow; to keep changing your shoes and combing your hair each day before you leave that front door into the real carnival of our social world. LLc 98.2

decent deception

There are many people who get so wrapped up in the world and its ways that they forget about their temporary status. These individuals, the up-keepers of disease and malcontent, bring about no original thought. They seek only to make larger their portfolio and status. Join them and become transfixed in another part of yourself that is led not by decency but by deception.
You can become anything you want to be, all you have to do is dress the part and play the role. If the role is an uncomfortable one and you do not look forward to it each day, then you are waisting your fucking time. There is where loss of self occurs to be made up for by involving yourself in bad relationships. Why? Because you were acting one way and feeling another. The gap formed on these occasions is hurtful and destructive. It becomes filled with thoughtless transgretions that require rationalizations made to order and thought of previously by you. LLc 98.2