There is the reality of the day and there is the reality inside our minds. The reality of our day stated simply is where we are actually in life. It is separate from where we think we should be and it is separate from each and every dream we have. The reality inside our minds can be as majikal as we can imagine. We can feed off of media to keep our dreams inside alive. The connections we make between our reality of the day and the dreams we gather from watching various media are real. Many people prefer the dreams inside. They rely on the connections they make between shows or ads or movies to enhance their dream factory... or The Secondary Life.

We are encouraged to drop childish things once we reach a certain age. It is like the age where dreams die. Very often, people will reference the bible once they begin the process of crossing out any childhood dreams that may have been present. Parents are famous for doing such things. When you're young you can do anything. When you hit that age you work and make time for dreams later.

I don't know how I can go on when all I do is fill myself with sadness. Things are very negative for me now. I see doom and gloom in the forecast. I see people making money casting media-spells upon the masses.

I am alive today and for that I am thankful. It has been a long road of late and I could use a new perspective. So I thought about it and decided it would be best for me to focus on that which is good rather than worrying about the things that are missing in my life.

It seems like I spend most of my time waiting for something to happen. Even if I didn't initiate action, still, I expect a full reaction. I do believe this is a form of insanity. Maybe it's experience, but something tells me nothing will happen if I continue this ridiculous waiting.

Once the past is gone, there is nothing that I can do to change it. This is a good thing. I have never really been bothered by my past. Sure I fucked up. But that is no reason not to accept it. I mean, there have been a lot of fuck ups by myself and everyone I know. Knowing that they cannot be changed frees the future up for even more fuck ups. They will be of a different kind, but fuck ups nonetheless they shall be.

I've been a nervous wreck all day today and I have no idea why. I woke up anxious and I remained anxious all day... right up to this point now. Some days are like this I guess. They are for me anyways.