hearts to feel

I found inspiration through the lack of sleep. In these days I see things I should not see and feel things I should not feel. I come to lose understanding and become uncomfortable with some of the choices I have made. I succomb to the idea that somehow I am not worthy of the chances I have been given, but things have never been easy for me. For the longest time I felt on the outside of reality far removed from everyone else. I have always felt like nothing more than an actor who plays various roles on one really big stage among a meriad of people.
As I have grown older I have come to understand that we are all actors who roleplay among other actors in different situations. I truely understand how easy it is to get wrapped up in things we have no control over and sometimes one role takes precedence over all others. This is where I sometimes get lost and overcome with despair because I forget about what mekes me feel nice. It is bothersome having to play one specific role and have that one role seep into every other aspect of my life; including my sleeping life.
I sometimes want to find a place of isolation and darkness where I can figure things out on my own. I know I am not alone in my lonliness, but still that does not make things any less tough. It is my dream for everyone around me to be happy and smiling often. If a smile can come from a place of difficulty; and for that one moment there is nothing in life but a feeling of relief through the glory of laughter, well, sometimes that is just what needs to happen at that one point in time to make the rest of the day tolerable. That to me is what can bring the most joy. There is nothing like laughter to remind us all just how perfect things really are if we allow our eyes to see, our hands to touch, and our hearts to feel.
There is a place we all know on the inside that is completely rational and simple. It is a place of simplicity where we find the most cause to forget about the sorrows we feel. It is a place that requires no real thought and no real struggle. It is as natural as running water and it tastes just as good. What does your place look like? How does it feel there? Is there music and cool breezes? Do you feel the calm of your heart as you .....