Sometimes I am filled with self doubt. Feelings of worthlessness and my hatred of self can sometimes be overwhelming for me. Maybe I spend too much time trapped within myself, alone in this dark room with only the lit screen of my computer providing the light. I feel socially obscure and am no longer comfortable outside my little room inside my head. I do have traces of light that beam through the dark curtains, but that is happening less and less frequently. I suppose writing about these negative thoughts allows me some relief in a weird way. But it never takes the feelings completely away. When I was younger, I could drink my thoughts away. I drank so much it almost killed me more than once. Had I not quit when I did, for the tenth time, I would have passed many moons ago. I have no regrets about my drunken days. I learned a lot about myself and the people around me and I never did like what I saw; not only in me, but all the people I associated with at that time. I think I have a better understanding of why I drank so much. In the end, the demons I had to battle scared me to the point of never wanting to drink again. I may have stopped that form of self destruction, but it seems my negativity has been gaining strength little by little ever since. I feel completely alone in this life. I wish things were different sometimes.