A true victory is walking through the darkness and somehow making it through to the other side. Some see victory as being a military or sports reference to the winners. This is indeed the case. However, until someone has spent time walking with what can only be called demons (occurs inside your mind), they don't have very much to say about it. I do not recommend anybody walk down the path of addiction, to anything. For me, alcohol was the gateway to my own personal hell. I do not have any regrets for having gone through each of my nine or 13 withdrawal episodes of which two led to seizures and one led to me stopping breathing. I have too many family members and friends who have struggled and lost to alcohol and/or drugs. I was ready myself to cross that line. During the later portion of my struggle, I could not sleep and the only thing I did was drink beer. My hair started falling out. I shook all the time. There was never enough. I have to say that during my years of drinking, I met a lot of strange people. It is really amazing how there is an entire sub-culture devoted to drinking. To be a part of that traveling carnival is something you just have to experience to believe. The main issue always becomes, "what do I do now?" After you have done the party thing, the sex thing, the winding up in another state thing, you will come to the crossroads: continue and die or stop and live. As far as I know, there is nothing worse than the three to four day withdrawals. The things I saw were truly horrifying. In every instance, I quit cold turkey. This is a huge mistake. But at the same time there was no way in hell I would ever be able to ween myself off of alcohol. It was cold turkey or nothing. I still have my life-long companion, manic depression... whatever that means. Alcohol took it away for a short time. But once that time became too much to bear, I had to accept the pain I have always felt on the inside. I cannot run from my darkness, but I know I cannot drown it away either.