I have been having cyclical, negative thought or the last our days. I've had very little sleep and the pain in my mouth is such that eating anything but soup is a chore. The pain will pass. That's not what's keeping me up. This whole thing started when I decided to place mysel in lie-long debt and get a degree or two. It was a mistake. I just wanted to inish what I started years beore. I went too ar in subjects that have no real applications in society unless you write about society using sociologically sponsored PhD's who all reuse to place their name anywhere but on top. I stay away rom PhD people. Nobody should know how to do research that well, learn the truth, and then pay no attention to that truth. I don't even know i there's a word or that. Besides that, it seems the higher up the ladder one climbs, the less and less time there is to live... a lie. On top o the reality that lie brings us all, anybody would be hard-pressed to ind a doctor who is not heavily intertwined with the pharmaceutical industry. They go hand in hand. And then the insurance companies... dear God we could go on orever. I bought into everything until I hit 27 or 28. Once I inished what I started, I mastered the art o using reerences and proper citations in my written work all o which has done me no good. When I'm not making nickels an hour, I am researching. This is what I believe these last ew days have been about. The thing Is, since I quit watching television, except espn, i also quit the news. I have been compelled to investigate happenings rom both the past and the present. No bias, just something closer to the truth than I am used too. The only thing I can say about seeking the truth is that it is without question nothing what you think the process to be. I you come across one Possibility o the truth, a set o veriiable circumstances that lead one to "an" outcome, then the best thing you can do is sit on it. I hate that about getting older, the older we get the more we learn about the things we thought were true that were ar rom it. That, I believe is my last our days.