I don't think it's possible for me not to have negative thoughts. What can I do? I've had super negative and self harming thoughts my entire life. These thoughts led me to finding avenues on which I could travel while being incredibly intoxicated. I mean, it was every night for years and years. Not only did I feel less sore, but I felt stronger and more confident. But I started breaking down from the inside both mentally and physically. It's been a long time since I drank the usual case and a half of beer a day along with whatever else sailed my way. I may have improved physically, but the mental aspect can get a bit sketchy. Every now and again I think it's important to get certain things out. I write things down in these books here, and then from time to time I blog stuff. The thing with depression is that it gets to the point where all hope is completely and totally lost. It gets to the point where the only future you see is age and dying after everybody you have ever cared about has already died. You think of every puppy you ever had, every cat, bird, snake... and you place everything in a big book and then you close it up on yourself... forever. But with music and art, there is hope. It's the kind of hope not seeking recognition or fame, but days and nights linked together having a good time with good people.