It is a most difficult thing to front one way and believe in another. People do this everyday. They do this because they were told one day they needed to do this and they needed to do that. It was time to grow up and abandon the very dreams your parents encouraged you to have as a matter of basic survival. For many people, this death is forgotten because they become overwhelmed by the fantastic "responsibilities" associated with living on the grid, on credit, with banks owning everything until you pay them off with interest. During the next years and/or decades you involve yourself in this system of beliefs and in doing so become something far removed from what you used to be... just to get ahead or make more money. You cannot front being in heavy with a lifestyle that requires you to pay for an apartment or home and a car and all the rest of the bills... and do so with no resentment toward yourself, the job, people you don't know, whatever. If you are going into this system, it is best to go all in and get whatever you get out of it. You have to believe in things in order to make yourself commit to the... violence.