I used to try and please everybody. I still fall into that trap. As I have gotten older, I have realized that it is not possible to please everybody. I mean, I know that to be true. I knew it when I was a kid just as I know it now. I guess I'm too passive and accepting of people and their points of view(s). I know I cannot change them. I would never even try. I simply understand that everybody sees this world in different ways. I mean, we all have to know that right? After all, if we were all the same, there would be no fun at all. Our diversity is our strength. The only thing I am trying to do is continue to learn and continue trying to find my authentic self. This is all I can do. I am like an actor in search of the ultimate role; the one role where I get to play my true, authentic self. The one thing I do know about my true, authentic self is that I am in no position to judge anybody for what they believe, what color they are, or who they choose to be with romantically. I am also for the little guy, always have been. There is always a good story with the little guys success. I think the underdog is also worth rooting for. I think if you are sincere with what you do and how you spend your time; if you are able to leave all your masks at home; if you are truly being sincere to yourself in your daily routine, then you are successful. People may not like you for having your world line up in such interesting ways. They may abandon you as a friend. There is a price to pay with every choice we make. I think being our authentic selves should be our ultimate goal as human beings. This of course must occur without doing harm to anyone or affecting anybody's life in a negative way. I think we humans are too prone to just act on impulse. Maybe things are moving a bit too fast.

Genesis - Abacab

It is very often a most difficult thing to do when one chooses to be who and what they really are in this life. All people know what it is they should be doing as opposed to what they are doing now. What is important for all of us to realize is that we are mortal and we live on this tiny dot in an immense and never-ending cosmos. As Carl Sagan said, "We are a mode of dust caught in a sunbeam." For me, no job I have ever had has brought me any satisfaction whatsoever. Every relationship I've been in gets boring to me very fast. In fact, I get bored too easy with just about everything, especially small talk. I often find it difficult to do anything interesting except look up at the stars and dream at night, hang with a few friends and watch movies or play cards, and then box myself into this unholy cocoon I find myself in every day.

 I feel trapped within myself. I am a prisoner within a cell of my own creation.

Sometimes I am filled with self doubt. Feelings of worthlessness and my hatred of self can sometimes be overwhelming for me. Maybe I spend too much time trapped within myself, alone in this dark room with only the lit screen of my computer providing the light. I feel socially obscure and am no longer comfortable outside my little room inside my head. I do have traces of light that beam through the dark curtains, but that is happening less and less frequently. I suppose writing about these negative thoughts allows me some relief in a weird way. But it never takes the feelings completely away. When I was younger, I could drink my thoughts away. I drank so much it almost killed me more than once. Had I not quit when I did, for the tenth time, I would have passed many moons ago. I have no regrets about my drunken days. I learned a lot about myself and the people around me and I never did like what I saw; not only in me, but all the people I associated with at that time. I think I have a better understanding of why I drank so much. In the end, the demons I had to battle scared me to the point of never wanting to drink again. I may have stopped that form of self destruction, but it seems my negativity has been gaining strength little by little ever since. I feel completely alone in this life. I wish things were different sometimes.

In this country, it is important for the government to keep pressing the value of our military men and women. We have to utter the words, "I am behind our military." Well, who wouldn't be? That is the point. If you are against the military, then you are against the U.S.A. and are a traitor. It's a trap of consciousness. Nobody wants to know the truth about what our government does to perpetuate war for the profit of a few. Nobody wants to know about the contributions of drug companies to those in Congress. Nobody wants to know about the fossil fuel industry and their contributions to Congressional elections. In this country, sadly, money is the root of everything. It is profit before people. The media is complicit in that they keep us divided and lulled into believing their every word. In between the news are drug commercials and other kinds of commercials designed to make people want. There is so much control of the perceptions of the many that people are unable to think by themselves. They only seek reassurances for their already established belief systems. The masses have become blind and obedient to the endless propaganda.

Just because I am a hetero-sexual male does not give me the right to hate those who are gay. I knew gay kids when I was growing up. A few didn't know they were gay until they reached adulthood. Did that make them not my friends? Did I throw Jesus at them? Did I invite them to church? Do I believe their "demons" can be exorcised through religious intervention? The answers are no! I simply understood then as I understand now that my business is my business just as their business is their business. What do I think of gay marriage? I think marriage is marriage. Those who happen to like the same sex have just as much right to be miserable as any other couple.
I understand that homosexuals scare those who were raised with the Bible. They refer right away to Leviticus; a political favorite. By the way, how much would you sell your daughter for? I hope you're not left-handed or have any tattoos. I am sorry, but you cannot pray the gay away. I have gay family members. Are they not worthy of my love and respect just as I would give any member of my family who wasn't a prick? The point is, this whole gay thing is old. The religious argument is old. We need to move past it. If you own a business that makes cakes, for example, and you find out that one of your cakes is a wedding cake for two women and you then protest using your "religious freedom," then you belong in another time and are using God to cover what you don't understand or may be hiding yourself. Loving God is personal. It is NOT national. We have to remember what time we live in. We need to refer to reality once in a while.
The earth is billions of years old. Get over it. The earth is not flat. Deal with it. The earth is but a floating speck caught in a tiny beam of sunlight way out in the middle of vast space and vast time. Get over it. It's time for us to be cool with one another. None of us had a choice as to what color we are or what part of town we were born in. We had no control of our family's economic status. We just came from two horny people who were either looking for a child or simply made a mistake. In either case, it is the choice of those affected by that one night of fun to keep the child or adopt it out, or choose the abortion route. The consequences and choices are solely the responsibility of the parties involved, period. It is nobody else's business. We do not live in Heaven. We live in an imperfect world with leadership that refuses to accept certain truths and a population that has been so propagandized they can't think straight.
Now, from the church stage, a pastor can recommend and endorse a political candidate. And yes, it will usually be a Republican. Why? Because they have more money and want to keep that money rolling in. If it is a show or tied to business or social standing, then it can be called something less genuine.

Religious extremism is not limited to Islam. It also includes Christianity. Neither is tolerable.

There is a trap in my country. This trap requires all people, willing people, to sink themselves into debt while constantly buying things they do not need. My country and its people, by and large, have become selfish. They have been brainwashed in a mechanical and long-term way. These people believe that he who has the most wins. I have to ask: Wins what? Life is not a game to be won. Life is not about the acquisition of things as things do not make up for what has been lost. Many of these materialistic people buy as if they were on automatic pilot and in many ways they are. They spend unnecessary money on unnecessary things to impress upon people their own success. The thing is, success is poorly measured in a material society that runs on debt. The only way for material people to show how they have achieved in their lives is to show off as much as possible the things they have and the places they have traveled too. I am not a part of this fiction. I never wanted material goods. I only need what I need and that is all. There is such a thing as too much. I wish people here understood how they are doing what they are told to do. But, I'm afraid it is a most difficult thing to shed spells that have been cast upon you by thieves and liars.