his name is Spencer

I was having a particularly bad day one day. As I pulled into the 7-11 parking lot, I noticed a man. He was elderly, had a cane, and was in obvious pain. He was exiting the passenger side of an old pontiac. The driver was a young girl, presumably his granddaughter. I sat in my hyndai for a minute and lit a smoke. I watched her help the gentleman from the car and he was in obvious pain. I got out of my car and slowly walked past the pair. As I did, the old guy caught my eye and when he did he smiled. I said, "Good evening sir!" He responded, "Hi there!" He was slumped over, had a bulge on his back, and his legs made noise as he moved. I mean this guy was in real pain yet he still managed to give me, a complete stranger, a soft smile and a hello. I walked in the store and got some more reds and a giant pepsi. God knows if I don't have a pepsi I will lose the few marbles I still have. As I walked out of the store the girl and the old man were walking toward the door still on the blacktop. They were too quick for me as I wanted to at least hold the door open for them. I walked by them as they stepped on the curb just outside the store. Again he smiled as his arm was being steadied by his helper. It was obvious she had a great deal of affection for this man who had to be bordering on the edge of 90. I picked up the smoke I left on the concrete outside and proceeded to walk to my hyundai. That's right, screw capital letters! I got to my car after engulfing about 4 cups of soda; just enough to get me back to my home shit home. I sat there thinking to myself for a few minutes. I got to thinking that here is a man, a complete stranger, in tremendous pain, elderly, and still he managed to acknowledge me on what was a horrible and forgettable day for me. Here I was moaning and groaning on the inside about me and my issues; which are many, and I somehow felt calmer. I thought,"Who am I to consider myself to be so screwed?" "What kind of person am I to be so pissed off about my little problems?" I have a full belly, a pack of smokes, a soda, and a hyundai. Even though I have issues myself with pain, I know that by comparison I am relatively well off. I mean this guy was most likely in the War man. He has probably been through more shit than I ever will, and I sure is Hell know I will never see 90. Anyway, I wanted to talk with this man, but I know how that would have looked. Needless to say by the end of the night my problems were still there, but somehow they seemed more managable. I could see that maybe in time my problems would cease. I don't know, but I do know one thing; that night I will take with me where ever I go. Not as reminder by comparison, but as a way of maneuvering myself around the difficult times by keeping the bigger picture in mind. This world is an awefully big place, and the universe is even larger. The temporary spot I now occupy is of little consequence to the spirit inside. I guess sometimes the spirit inside relies on other spirits to set things straight. Maybe that man was there for a purpose. Maybe the soft smile he gave me was a reminder that the body dies but the spirit of a man/woman never does. I take that man with me now wherever I go. In my mind his name is Spencer. In my mind he will never die. Maybe that is what spirits are all about. I don't know, but Spencer may someday tell me, and I will surely listen.

unmagnificent not

The shadows on the wall are no longer you. Now they have become what they were intended to be, a distant memory. Shadows rely on the light that shines from behind but does not penetrate the one that lies on the inside. Motion is determined not by the one who made the light, but instead requires the form to create the design of you the exterior. To find the requiring light on the inside, one needs to crack the door just enough to sample the irrepressable goodness and warmth of the designer. To be open is to be clear, concise, and reasonable only to a point. There comes a time when reason must be cast out in order to formulate new reasons for living. The spector of the lost looms heavy on the ones who find the same in everything they do. Were it not for lack of reason, the world would truely be unmagnificent and joyless. LLC 98.2

light brite

To hold back you, to take from yourself the dream, is to take from the whole of humanity itself. Contrary to the norms, any and all action that persists and fly in the face of you yourself, must be difficult. It is part of the unexplainable order of things for you, and the development of you, to be awkward. The unexplored territory is worth a new pair of shoes in the world of you. This is not selfish; as it is a sign that you have a meaning and a design. The many can say what they will; often the many have declined the inclination to explore that vastness of self. These are the toxic ones who would rather see failure than even one attempt made by another. They do this for selfish reasons in light of their darkness as darkness feed on darkness and light on light.

unsane!

Often we use excuses to mask our deepest fears of feeling inadequate. In so doing, we let our inadequacies shine for all to see. Our mental masterbation does not hide the feelings we have inside; the feelings of explosion we get only make us go there more often as the grey creeps up slowly from behind. The results are a longer life filled with regret and unsatisfaction no matter how many lights we see and types of music we hear. Those things entertain us as we delay the nightly rubbing rituals. Feelings of inadequacy are prevalent because we have come to rely on falsities in media. Nothing is real anymore yet we compare ourselves to this un-realness that can only be significant in a life far removed from sanity.

no shame baby!

There is no shame in failure. Failure is but one step in all aspects of the learning experience. To try and avoid failure for failures sake is not placing enough emphasis on the task at hand. It is heartbreaking when failure comes, even after great effort has been perpetuated in every way. But it is important to remember that we as people do not have all the answers and sometimes we need to learn how to move better within the confines of our social structure; both at large and within our own groups. Failure is sometimes a necessary precurser to even greater success in the long run. Shame comes to those of us who fail and do so as a result of our own thought processes and actions in response to those thought processes.

functionality

Deep inside the human well of stratification through institutional procedures and practices, there exists a hopelessness that divides one people from another people. Those who desire the dream and come from a table game where the cards are stacked against them have to encounter those who were born dealers; their bosses, their bosses bosses, and the institution itself. Moving up from player status to dealer status is next to impossible. Yet there are many who were born with a collared white shirt that criticize those wearing various other colored shirts. They make statements about things of which they have no understanding and in truth, could give a shit. We all want the dream and most of us are willing to work for that dream. However, there exists in this country a modified sort of life.
In some communities, opportunities are limited while in other communities, opportunities are fluid. Those people born into one or the other have at their disposal either a limited version of America or an America filled with the boundless. This inequality can be atributed to a social structure designed for the benefit of the few who have access to institutional structures that serve as steping stones toward the goal of becoming educated, building equity, buying a home, and saving money for their kids to go to college. This of course happens until mom cheats on dad, dad cheats on mom, divorce, court battles, attorney fees, hate, anger, kids run amuck, Vegas, alcoholism, drug addiction, and so on and so forth. Those who do not reach these heights of existence never had the opportunity to save money in the first place because of their skin color, place of residence, religion, handicap, low social status and so forth. This stratification has been in place since the funky wool wearing founding father's formulated the Constitution. All men are created equal only if those men have cash and are white. Washington made booze and smoked weed; Jefferson had slaves he had sex with; and Franklin dabbled in Satanism. America is a wonderful country if you have cash. If not, and you come from the lower spectrum of society, the road to riches is a long one due in large part to the way our social institutions function.

stands beneath

To be critical of a man's work; to be consciously aware of self-perceived discrepancies, and then to voice them or place them in print form, is to be out of shape, out of touch, and out of sorts with the life process as a whole. If this type is done for money, and contained within a self rightousness void of the new, it is done so free from gifts not perceived, but given to those who see something good and right in this awkward place. It could be the form they choose is one of transformation reflective of the everyday. In this type, there can be no comparison for criticism. This is indeed progression that truely has limits only to the imagination through which all good things come; and some bad things too I suppose. Even in response to the bad things, those who critize do so out stagnation and reporting. There can be no creativity in that place.

production of nothing

This is nothing new. These days all that is required to influence the masses through voice is an aesthetic beauty. The machinery takes the talentless and mundane and turns it 180. What results is a picturesque quality free from natural gifts but pleasing all the same to what is perceived as pretty and talented. This is manufactured reality that has a fundamental principle of deceit; that which could be viewed as evil. Unnaturally as well, those manufactured beings all look the same and come packaged the same, and sound the same. Their regurgitation of lyrics not of real origin come off as plastic, sad, and purely empty. Those who find this to be good are products in time; they see no connection to falsities. What they see is packaging personified and nothing more. In this rediculousness comes greed, desire, lust, and a certain kind of person who covets; desires this and believes this as real and good; grand by design. 98.2 LLC XXX1 JB

separated by stupidity and words

The social world in the U.S. is a destructive place. Not in a sense of war and death; these things will never cease worldwide. Our society is destructive because of the inequalities we have weaved inside it. Those with the means have the advantages and those without are lost, uncounted, and shamed upon. Some say they should go to school, get a job, try harder. The funny thing is, these people say these things in passing; having reeped the rewards not afforded to other people. It is easy to stand up and say these things when you have the ability to put gas in your car without sacrificing food for the table. It is easy to say these things when you are having a good week, month, or year. What is not easy is knowing or understanding the words used. Many people speak without thinking and as a result others like them agree. This action is useless, meaningless, and full of tarnished and darked values. To speak of things which are of the unknown is the same as a claiming to have knowledge of donut making without ever visiting the place where donuts are made. As we will see, our society is evolving into an unholy place of division based on the idea that through hard work one can achieve anything. The individual who originally made this statement was well off and full of pride; separate from reality altogether.
Some say "dress for success". If this is true, then it is clear that what has occured lately by well dressed individuals is contrary to that statement; some of the biggest scumbags on the planet look like a million bucks. So, based on this fact, the well dressed individual is not always one who can be trusted. Success does not come through financial gain. Success comes through passionate persuits that bring forth a new reality that has never been touched by anyone else. It is as individualistic as the imagination. But the problem is, those who seek their joy often find friction from those who have abandoned their joy long ago for the inequities of our social world. They have made their choice to join with the many who prefer the material over themselves. They would rather look the part than be the part. The social world here in the U.S. is fiction based and it is a construction; fabricated and maintained through perceived natural divisions among people. Sadly, the greatest bastards who believe in hard work, have acquired their wealth through knowing people; acting like this or that; becoming the role, and have maintained that role in the eyes of those who got them there. These are the people who say things like: get a job, work harder; you can do anything; get off your ass, and so on and so forth. Our social world is destructive because it breeds dysfunction and inequality. It requires differences in class and it relies on the downtrodden to be used up and exploited for monitary gain for those who have more equity, money, and prestige.

do it all again

Let us retreat into the solice of our home where we can reflect on life's inconsistencies. Let us forego any nature to change and rely instead on the common way; untrusted and false. Were it not for past experiences, the future would be more than it is now; was then, and could be into the distant future. As it stands now, we are bound to repeat it all again as we sit at home twisting and turning about life's inconsistencies. 98.2 LLC

no precondition

I suppose there is peace in the middle of the night. I suppose there exists in the cosmos a sort of selective promise only realized at certain points of the day. For me, those points fall in the early morning hours when others are resting; gathering strength, dreaming. For some people, dreams are realized in reality. For others I gather, dreams are best as they are. In either case, the relevence of dreams has far reaching effects on the human soul that itself requires dramatic alterations at times. For me, the soul opens itself up when there are no pre-conditions of expectations brought about by other people. For it is other people who believe they have the right way, when in fact, the only right way is self perception free from the boundaries set forth by people from another time and place. The future depends on new ideas, new conditions, and new ways of attacking the relevant issues of our day. There can be no objective truth, only a sincere belief in oneself to formulate opinions that mean something to not only ourselves in our time now, but for those who will be stuck in this aweful place of inequity, deceitful practices, and media.

blue in dark

I looked up in the sky last night and it reminded me of just how small we all are. Our temporary state is but a snap of the fingers in time. The stars reflections are distinct memories of a universe that is vast and not understood. The Earth is a blue mark in a sea of blackness that has absolutely no end. To think for even a moment that we, with our reflectors and aired up tires, are so special and exciting as to believe that we are alone, is rediculous. The sky is as temporary as we are, but the darkness lasts forever.

my space

My loveless fascination has brought me serenity and lonliness at the same time. Whether I am the only one or not is not what is important. What is important is how valuable it is to me. It may seem static to the outside viewer, but to me it is the most important thing. In silence there is a constancy of tolerance wrapped around a heart that beats rhythmically. Sometimes I hear music so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes. On those occasions I am alone and not alone. I feel something else alongside that comforts me from the inside. In that place, that beautiful place, my space, I am free to think and move in a fashion clear from obstruction, temperment, and longing. There, alone, I have the time to be blank and unsorted. I have begun to enjoy the longing in silence.

you the issue

Recognize the difficult and malaligned as an opportunity and not a reason for abandonment. The issues that stand before you are resolvable in one sense and one sense only: that what you perceive in reality is true and what needs to occur is identification of the issue followed by a certified effort to make that issue a part of past experience. The idea is a simple one. But should ever the issue be used as a starting point for excuses and status quo, then the issue is not the issue itself; the issue is you. Anything after the point of excuse making is a mere disguise, a veil into the hidden nature of your ineptitude.

in separation

The social system blatantly falls short of man's need for more than a symbolic relationship with nature. Once we become a predominantly social individual only interested in the vital roles that need to be met in order to live and pay for things we most likely could do without; and forget to feed the inside that relies on the simple and meaningful things, we become plastic and easily seen through as to our social intentions. This is child-like behavior in a sense that if, like a child, we are only interested in ourselves, our progressions, and our social standing, we are seen as for what we have become: see through, boring, predictable, and sad. The social world is a facade that cares not for anything because it was created long ago by wealthy shit-kickers who stood high atop the totem of hypocracy and shameful acts upon those with less money than them. There can be nothing more sad than that and yet here we are in separation.

the twinkie

There is nothing in the world more gratifying than the twinkie. The twinkie has within its structure a most fascinating and titalating combination of fluffy moise cake, and a cream filled center that has within it a little piece of Heaven. My journey to the twinkie was a long and arduous one that had many ups and many downs. You see, when I was a boy having to ride by bike to school each day, I felt it necessary to stop off at the 7-11 after breakfast and on the way to school. There I would partake in videao games like Donkey Kong and Ms. Pacman while engulfing two or three maple bars and a 32 oz pepsi or coke. My parents are still wondering why I was such an expensive child. Hey, it costs money to be a master of the underworld. Needless to say, lunchtime was the right time for all of us. Yes, I was not alone in my world.
Lunchtime was a representation of wealth in the community. The kids who brought their lunches could be measured by the amount of goodies they had in their possession. The more goodies; symbolic of mom's love and devotion, the more trading. Here we have the Capitalist system functioning on the street level (barter). Is this interesting or what? lol, probably not...

long running

I want this and I want that. How many times have we heard that? If what you look for exists outside of yourself, you are fooling yourself into thinking that that outside force will bring it to you. If you are mostly concerned with how others view you, you have become a product of evil no matter how you reason around it. You can say and act as you wish, but that is no more than an act that is symbolic of a deeper void that you carry, love, and respond to in every aspect of both your conscious and unconscious life. There will come a day when you will be old and you will wish you did not waist so much time trying to please other people. Those people by that time will be gone and then you will see and understand just how much of your good time you waisted in this mundane and useless search through wants, wants, and more wants. If you want something, it is probably better in the long run for you not to have it.

unhappiness pool

In our psyche there exists the perfect moment in time. It is referred to in tough times rarely and always in times of happiness. This tells me that happiness breeds happy things. Is it possible to be happy all the time? NO it is not, especially in a place where there is so much unhappiness thrown our way. This gives us a pool to swim in that brings ample opportunity to derive pleasure from unhappy things. Because we get so caught up in unhappy things, we lose sometimes our ability to become happy: happy can be so unfamiliar at times we can have it and neer even know it; a reflection of our existence in the pool of unhappiness. We derive pleasure in the search for happiness and we are told this search is wise. If we never had to become a part of this big swim, we could in fact dig our own pool and fill it with warm water for those cold days when we feel so alone.

this is not

What is expected, what is drawn upon, is completely false with the exception of the creator. What is taken for fact is not so, yet we make distinctions between these forces that bring about doubt and discovery of our lost selves. We can become forgotten in lingering tidepools with our faces just above the water; spinning and spinning. Like a grape in the sun our faces will become dark and wilted while our bodies remain cool on the inside. Soon the masks we drape over ourselves shelter and confuse us into believing that this spinning sensation is ok and normal. In time we realize the ride is much better when we free ourselves from that place and allow the unknown to occur freely and without conscious thought. This is all part of the individual journey that must be individualistic. If we live our lives by the tones of those who came before us, we regress and all things remain unchanged in time. This is not progress!

egnahc

There must be a constancy of change in life. In order for this to happen, we must abandon our habits that bring us the kind of seclusion in happiness we are encouraged to achieve and rely upon. Those who make real changes can never be satisfied with the comfort of blankets and pillows. The comfort they seek is on a much broader scale that entails passionate divergence into that which cannot be predicted or seen to be a detriment.

know? NO!

I saw educated people make distinctions no man could make and draw conclusions from weaved lies for their own benefit. I saw grown adults lay claim to the divine as a foundation and expectation for all others to follow without any significant reason other than to promote their own job position in the eyes of who got them there. How is it possible for educated people to claim answers to questions nobody can possibly know? How is it possible for any person to know what is best for everyone? Those who claim to know are no better off than anyone else, they just have their own interests to protect above the interests of those whom they have never even met. Does this make sense to anyone? I should say not!

should be a color

One thing adults need to understand and recognize is that kids see more than they do. For some kids, their issue may be a simple one. They may see the hypocracy that exists in the social world that is backed up and confirmed by what they see both in real life (home environment) and in the images they see. It could be that they are unhappy about the many compromises they see adults make and find it difficult to find a spot among all the muck and selfishness; lying and deceitful practices that inevitably take place. They might find it difficult to create anything useful and it is in this way that kids may see themselves as unwilling participants in they grey that they believe should be a color.

less is less

It is useless to compare yourself with what you see on tv. That is the equivalent of comparing chocolate syrup to dynamite. The thing is, everything on tv is complete fiction. Even in news stories we only get the partial picture and it is in that sense it is fiction. We all need to remember that media is ran by money grubbers who give what people want; but what people want is dictated by what they see on tv. Do you understand that the entire process is like a monkey having sex with cabbage; there is no purpose and understanding.
We are all suckers and our lives are less because of it. Never compare fiction with what is real; you will lose each and every time. But hey, for all your depression and feelings of inadequacy, the pharmaceutical companies advertised on tv have your solution. Isn't this fun?

theirs not ours

Refuse to close your eyes. If you cannot see your ears will suffice. If no ears, you can rely on what everyone else relies on; the shirt-tails of other people who have questionable notions of what constitutes the consideration of anyone else but themselves and their condition. They pass this on to you/us not through fault, but through their humanness unashamed and bashful. Suppression of what is natural to them requires change which would be the same as admitting they were wrong. Few people, of any age, are capable of this yet we all want this in one form of the other while holding on to the values of other people who have supplied us with our security tools and core values we fight so directly inside.

love

My love is a mile wide for the one who should never inspire my desire, but should make me think and feel in new and interesting ways from which to draw from the well. Sometimes when I dip the cup in, I want to do so on my foot-tips and lean in so my arm gets wet. I like to feel the cool water beads flow steadily down my arm through my palm and back into the well again. Sometimes I like to bring my wet hand up to my face and wipe it clean. Then sometimes, if there is a breeze, I like to let it come across my face so I can feel the chilling exhileration of breathe, of love, and of life.

think with your mind

The politician cannot benefit the many because he/she relies on parts of the few and the few cannot maintain their status without becoming involved in the privacy of public affairs through the creation and maintenance of ways and means necessary for the process to move in the first place. 98.2

very nice

At the end of a particularly long day, I want to go into a quiet room with a really big ceiling fan. I want to lay down quietly skating down that steep slope in San Diego at the park across the street. Man that shit was fun. Just the sound and feel through my feet; the falling on my ass or banging my face on the cold concrete leaving blood trails and pieces of teeth. Those are the kind of dreams that make me feel complete. 98.2

Darby and Judo

You know, it would be a terrific world if we all believed in the same thing(s). It would be a wonderous place if everyone could have jobs they enjoyed, or no jobs at all and just kick back on our fat asses and open the mail and have checks made out to us just for being the fabulous, idealistic and right people we all are. However, as much as we would all like this to happen; while saying out loud how much we value our work and how we couldn't even think of quitting our jobs; bullshitting everyone including ourselves, it rarely does without screwing it up over some chick. Anyway, we all know these things only happen to entertainers, politicians, and Darby the oat boy from Oildale California.
It would just be so much fun if we could wake up at noon each day and have our only real isuue, our only pressure packed event of each day, be a trip to the back porch where we can sit down in our most comfortable chair, smoke a rather large piece of heaven, and try and figure out whether we should watch Matlock reruns, Colombo reruns, The Godfather in Dolby surround sound, or just say to Hell with it and call up a few friends and have a ping-pong tournament followed by two full days of golf and drinking and sex with women between the ages of 37 and 45. You see, by that time we all pretty much know and fully understand how to make our partners happy while receiving the same kind of love and affection in kind; not for any other reason but for the fact that our partner feel exactly the same way as we do. But these things are not always possible. I ask why? Why can't these things be possible for you (me, everybody)? There are people in this world who live this way. There are people in this world who do that shit every day. Las Vegas-there is no other place in the world like it! Everyplace else has its points. And hey, Vegas is a city and well, I can honestly say that Vegas is the only place on Earth where I have been Held up at gun point by a fucking cab driver. So I guess I just have a soft spot in my heart for the place. Anyway, Few destinations and places to pitch a tent have the potential to live the lifestyle of an over-rated actor, a politician ( not much more needs to be tacked on here!), or Judo the dancing poodle from Scotsdale. There is hope. There is a way to wake each day and say," Hmm, where the Hell, what the, ah screw it, I guess Ill just go play some golf. After all, last night was a good night and I had so much fun, I think ill just go ahead and do that shit again tonight after my round and following my nap." I say, MAKE THAT SHIT HAPPEN!

the loaded brush

Let me hand you a pamphlet and let us show you the way. We will come together in some fashion and find a place for you in the world; our world. Understand this is not temporary but is a necessary first step in making room for you to express your ideas and prosper. Under our guidance you will flourish freely as new worlds open up to you. Through us you will find the meaning of freedom.

rarely do we

Our moods change. Sometimes we have a thought or idea that comes in our minds and is quickly dashed by what must occur before. We weigh ourselves down with what we perceive and usually what we perceive is incorrect. But this does not matter because abandoning our comfortability would mean having to deal with the unknown. You see, we know what we are now and rarely is the case when we explore what we can be. Our moods change, but rarely do we.

our way

Today is a new day for discovery and I am not at all excited about it. I have found myself believing that all people, all of us, are self centered no good bastards with pill problems, booze problems, job problems, relationship problems, confidence problems, financial problems, drug problems, lying problems, fooling ourselves problems, anger and frustration problems, family problems, social problems, and just bs problems with everything life has to give. That is the bad side.
The good side is we have choices. We can abandon our problems by cutting the search back a bit and understand that we are all temporary on the big timeline. In less than a year your problems will most likely be the same as they are now; not unlike mine. So, what have we solved here? Well, we have all agreed that we are messed up and in need, always in need we are. The easiest thing in the world to do is locate the issues. Hell, that's what they have scholars for. Once we enter the world we become a part of the issue by acting the way we do, and thinking the way we think.

whish

We are all free to fail, free to venture out into the daylight and night, to demonstate our insufficiencies for everyone to see. There can be no shame in this as there can be no other way to learn, truely learn anything.

school of thought

There are many schools of hought in regards to whether or not a person should follow through on their desires and seek them out. If the feeling is there, then it is safe to say that one is not only human but not necessarily unhappy with their current lot. It could mean one simply needs a diversion, a template from which to draw upon so as to make the future more tolerable with something all one's own on the inside; something nobody needs to know about; something really interesting and less complex.

gather in gratitude

We gather in gratitude in bunches or alone. We do this free from any regulatory agency. We do these things to be unified in some way; with strangers, but this is impossible. It is one way in which to feel a part of some understanding among others who feel similiarly to something you do. Because nobody has any real understanding about anything really, the best we can do is gather together in bunches and do the things required to show devotion and respect. This, for most people, is healthy. For other people however, it is empty and foolish. I know both kinds and I would go fishing with any of them because they are now different than me.

zeal and elegance

Make a statement some say, as they stand aside and let the world roll by. Become the reality that lurks beneath the facade and rule your way; within the law and natural rights of other people always. Do so with zeal and elegance bringing new-found freedom into existence from within. Your outward appearance will most certainly reflect what you feel on the inside bringing a new attraction; a new development that will open new doors through which only the alive can survive. The new zest for life within you will reflect a greater existence, one that few come in contact with. The one's that do feel this unknown sway from the outside; contemplate, order, and display their visions in various ways under various conditions in time. The people who have experience blend in like the wind and are often hard to see and rarely heard from. There is reason for that!

now what?

Let me add to your grace and occupy a space next to your beating heart. Allow me the privlidge of being associated with such a fine soul which I am not worthy of. For me, thinking of you brings joy to my everyday. Let me grow next to you and drain you from all that you are now so as I grow older, I can dump you for a younger woman. It is not beauty that drives the American media in advertising. These things are a given. What they are pushing is young women onto young men as well as young women onto young men. It is the dream they push and it is that dream we compare ourselves to. Compared to that, we all suck and we all need to kill ourselves. If that is the American dream, and you believe that shit, you are a part of a much larger system that is more complex than you will ever be willing to accept, but probably know very well. So now what? More bullshit?

HEAD

One of the coolest things about speculation founded on not one piece of viable evidence directly is what happens to correct the mistakes that inevitably follow. One could argue that this is the political process. Because there is such rapid change, as preached by the media and those who pay to play, mistakes in judgement happen because actions are largely encouraged by those who are not fully informed for one reason or the other.
I don't like him/her. Blah blah looks like shit and they do this and believe in that. Now, base your life on that. Base your world on decisions rooted in that kind of misguidedness. Think for a moment on how many good people you are missing in your life by saying these things to yourselves in your manufactured psychological world. Don't be ashamed, we all have our own little ideal world inside where we live in the comfort of knowing all things important to us. What is important to you? What reels inside your world? What would you rather be doing right now in relation to the person you once were or want to be right now?
One of the coolest things about speculation is transferring what is thought of into action using baby steps of change. You can turn speculation into the positive by laying a framework, a design if you will, that allows you the freedom to pursue. This is where the fun starts and it is meant to be enjoyed. Once you reach your goal, find another one to be employed. It won't be like you don't know how to do it. Think about that shit!

HMMM

You know why musicians and artists have a history of strange, early deaths? Because they knew nothing else, lived nothing else. They thought, slept, ate, and drank what they produced. They had no cushions to fall back on during the process either. For them, there were no options. That would kill anyone. Imagine for one moment in your day: driving your car; sitting at home alone; playing your favorite past-time, or participating in something that brings you great joy for extended periods of time, and think about what you desire or feel passionately about even half as much as what I described above. Is it worth your time, what time you have left on this mortal, blue speck that occupies such a small part of this small universe we occupy; which is surrounded by things we can never fully understand and distances in darkness we can never imagine, to chase after even the wildest of dreams? What makes you think your so special? You can't do that! What about your bills, your house, your kids? Who do you think you are? You are nobody special! I had to do things I didn't want to. I had to struggle to get where I am at. I gave up a lot for you. These are just a few of the things you will hear, from people who are not happy. A happy and content person would offer sound advice and direction through sound application of preordained principles based on specific ideals of success that fully encompass all efforts to the same. Anyone who discourages these things, or altars them in some way is to be avoided at all times. This is the cost, the first cost, of making a change that places value on what you feel passionate about in your life.

obsessive you

I don't care who you are; I don't care what you say to me; I don't care how much money you make or what kind of fucking retirement you have lined up for yourself; if you don't move me, I will have absolutely nothing to do with you. I am alone now just as I will be when I die. I do not have time to hang around with any woman who does not move me. I would rather be moved, not sexually because that is a given and need not be brought up; I am talking about really grabbing my attention in more ways than are currently being contemplated now. Then again, I am completely worthless. Does this sound familiar?
I can go further than that and further still leading to a large mound of depression shit, but why? Anyone who knows anything about depression will tell you how fucking miserable it is. In a depressive state, the last thing I ever want to do is get involved with someone like me. Does this feel similiar to what is happening in your life? Misery loves company and shit is right the fuck on. I know people who, presented with better things free of charge, looked the other way toward the familiar depressive darkness; when standing at the crossroads. Change, any change is rediculously difficult, especially when what is being left has been comfortably adjusted to even though the whole damn thing was a lie and a fuck fest to begin with. Does this sound familiar? Yes it's true, many depressed people have a tendency to be a tad bit on the obsessive side and some have difficulty keeping the car parked in the garage. Still other people obsess about things like wrestling, politics, school, work, and blah blah blah. Whatever the case may be, all the obsessive behavior and baby making will get you into an adaptive world that runs counter to the ideas you had before you became this new obsessive you.

dogs would be better yellow

All you need is your humanness to get caught up in being human. From there emotion blends itself in like rum to a coke. What happens after that is anybody's guess in virtually every circumstance. Therein lies the difficulty in forsight when related to specific people.

here, there ........

I look for the small and usually find the large. I seek the infinite and usually find pencil shavings at my feet and a tired body sleeping as I seek truth. But since I am a liar like you, truth is itself a lie. There is no room for truth here, there, or anywhere. Try telling the truth to yourself and your friends and see how far you get. See if people treat you as if you were mentally ill. My bet is you would find less friends, more alone time with your pc, and a host of ready made excuses as to why you messed everything up by being honest. No, I say continue the lies so as not to disrupt the flow of your day. That way you will fit right in with everyone else who clamours for attention in this way or that.