balance on our bikes

The toxic television takes images that are unreal which we then use to make comparisons to our real lives which then feeds the machine. What happens next? Well, people begin to believe the unreal. They then, as a matter of routine, fantasize about something better, something promised but not lived up to; impossibly. Once that road is paved; and it is paved from an early age, they then teach us to keep our balance on our bikes. They teach us to play the game, to honor, to placate. We then roll with it and accept our fates and false comparisons as fact. This is our game and it is a social one that we get caught up in sometimes. The toxic television has no soul, but we do, and I think that's important. LLc 98.2

blurring

It's a strange feeling being so dark inside. Where is all the color we try so desperately to hide? We hide it so well that we find it hard to retrieve at times. When we have the time we use desperate measures to ensure the dramatic failure of anything good because we force the issue. The color inside is as natural as a glazing sun. All we need to do is allow it to function on its own. By that I mean we need not place ourselves in any one situation with the expectation of something. It is that expectation that blocks the sun; which then blocks the fun; which then makes the colors merge into darkness; which then blurs all reality.

what is it

It's like a rock in your shoe, not a pebble but a rock. The burden, the guilt for doing or thinking the wrong thing and not knowing why, is all sometimes too much for anyone to bear. Sometimes we just need a break from the action so to speak. Sometimes we need to find so lice in isolation; to straighten things out; to try and find a reason for all the negative thoughts about this or that. Mainly, with this affliction, all the negative thoughts are geared towards the self. It is like a hammer, believe me. Some argue it is selfish to be this way. Others say it is a disorder of some sort. Regardless of what label they place on it, the feelings are just the same. There is no reasoning behind it. Reason is not a hallmark of it. There is nothing reasonable about waking up in the morning and telling yourself negative things. Yet there are many who suffer without understanding. They suffer in quiet desperation often hiding in a bottle or can. Or maybe it is pills or food. Through it all we walk alone in silence with a rock the size of a golf ball in our shoe.

dreams

This whole thing may just be a dream you know, one big temporary show starring us in all our glory. This could all be a ficticious, meandering highway to zippersville with bad hot-dog stands along the way. We may be inside one gigantic fart bubble complete with drapes and everything. The entire world may just be a speck in a universe that is contained within a blackness so large, a darkness so immense, that we now are incapable of conceiving it. There can be no end to the speculation, just as in a dream.

love, sweet love the whore

It became too much for me to bare. I could not even think with her in my head. She ruined my life and she doesn't even know it. Maybe it's better that way. Maybe it's better she didn't know anything about it. I have to think it wouldn't matter much anyway at this point. I have to know that I am not the only one, but that does not make me a better man. The only thing that realization does is allow me to settle in easier to an already uncomfortable spot between two hard places with tiny granules of sand that dig into my skin. It became too much for me to bare; the thought of being alone again. Until I thought about her and how she took my heart out, crouched, and pissed all over it as I stared in amazement and wonder. If she only knew the curse she put on herself. Ah, maybe it's better she knew nothing about it; the whore!

long nite right

I have my designs on tonite, this life. I have a battle ready plan of attack resistant to all foes and inclusive of all those who bring bulk instead of bright colors and majesty. If you are the kind to give instead of criticise; the kind to share instead of separate; bring instead of take, then you can be a part of my design tonite. As far as life goes, well, we will just have to see. After-all, it is a long night when it's done right. LLc 98.2