I totally understand when people call doctor people quacks. I get that rom start to inish. I read a comment that said you don't need to have a chemical imbalance to become an alcoholic and/or drug addict, but an imbalance does exist within the brain o someone who is bi-polar. rom what I gather, bi-polar is characterized by dramatic mood swings that can occur at various intervals or levels, depending on the stimulus and intensity o "a" situation... or no situation at all... just a situation that is happening inside ones mind. The thing is, people with, let's say depression, have eelings o worthlessness that have no basis in reality. It is something that is contrived out o nowhere and it is what it is. It can be said that a chemical imbalance does exist within said mind. In such cases, proper medication and guidance could be o use... or not. The point is, depression is not understood because it has many variables to consider. To go along with that, each person has a dierent chemical makeup stemming rom dierent circumstances. Oh sure there may be similarities between two or ten thousand people, but the lie experience o each individual person who lives with depression everyday is unique. It is thereor next to impossible to be 100% sure o a proper diagnosis when it comes to depression. In my world, depression is something I learned to hide, well. I kept busy growing up with sports and school so I never let mysel have the time to not be doing something. As I have grown and become less active in those arenas, I have ound that I have the same pathetic, nonsensical notions about mysel as I had when I was young. Bi-polar is something people, even doctor's, know little about. Yes, they know more than those who do not have bi-polar because they study people who have that diagnosis. In reality, that means they have more valid things to say about it than Joe Schmo with virtually no experience in the area. One could easily say, " Well shit, Moby Dick was a shitty book"... having never read it all all. I mean, that's super easy to do and it oten happens when people don't have a clue as to what the hell they are talking about. In my world, Bi-polar is marked by periods o extreme highs and extreme lows all with varying degrees o severity. Sometimes the darkness and negativity is so thick I could absolutely end it all. Yet I don't because I lack the courage. So I chose to drink it all away or quite some time. But ater years o "good times" I ound mysel back in that place, unhealthy, spiritually bankrupt and physically wounded. Through those times, I did have periods o sobriety where I did eel extremely high, but without drugs or alcohol. In every case, in every instance, I always ell hard straight to the bottom o the darkess hole I could ind. I honestly know o no other way to see lie, my lie. I did the medication thing or a ew years and ound it to be aective to a certain degree. But ater x amount o years, I stopped and have been pill-ree or almost a year. And rom what I can gather thus ar, nothing has changed. I am simply older and I guess more comortable with it. I simply quit the ight and accepted mysel or who and what I am: imperect, honest, and quite the ool sometimes. That said, things like depression and Bi-polar disorder or whatever anybody calls it is indeed a reality or some people. It is nothing to lean on or use to make lie easier. Believe me when I say there is no such thing as "easy" when it comes to having to deal with seriously negative eelings about yoursel that have no oundation in reality while at the same time waiting or that crispy wave to take you back to the beach, switly and with enthusiasm knowing that what waits or you at the blanket is a sunburn, sand between your toes, and no water in the cooler.

Nothing

The last thing anybody really wants to hear is truth. There is evidence or this. Many have told jokes about it. Little clues have been let throughout the writings o all kinds o people rom various centers o social, political, and entertainment industries. The very irst thing many o us do when we hear things we are not amiliar with is to simply judge them to be wrong, call it bs conspiracy jargon, and remove the thought immediately rom our minds. But the act is we are all owned by international bankers. They own the government and thereor have tremendous inluence over policy and things like war. This is something that has been in place since our Revolutionary War. But the real oot went down in 1913. No matter what anybody says, that was the year America lost its identity. In that single year, America became no dierent than Europe... just less time in the game. Not long ater, we became the strongest military power on the planet. Why? Why us and why during the time just prior to the cold war (manuactured)? Skipping ahead, nobody looks at the decor o Dealey Plaza. Having been there, I can say that everything is in plain sight. It's so out in the open it is diicult to notice given what took place there. The thing is, these people don't care about us, the little people. And as a result, those in the government who are plugged into this thing also do not care as they have been given the kind o power that they desire... even though they are all acting on other people's behal. They don't care about anything other than their goals which were publicly stated by George Bush when he talked about a New World Order. Jack Kennedy was not privy to this idea, essentially, and was made to be an example. In actuality, Jack knew he was screwed. That was just a perect storm that made it necessary or extreme and immediate changes to be made. The strange thing about this all is the act that many people who operate under various guises do so because that is their job. They know nothing else but what they are assigned to do. Lying is just part o the larger picture which includes one generation ater the next generation. The truth is, people are or sale. or enough money, anybody would do what they are told to do and say what they are told to say. Television makes us keenly aware o what success is. It sure does look like a lot o un doesn't it?