under passions employ

I guess it's not the lonliness that drags me. I know I am not alone in that arena. But it goes beyond the simple notion of being alone. For years I have participated in things and even found a certain amount of success in those things. But I could never get over the repurcussions of winning in the eyes of other people. You see, a winner wins because he works hard and strives to be victorious. It does not matter what stands between himself and the finish line. Winning doesn't even matter that much. The point of being is to be passionate about certain things that have value in the eyes of the worker. If there exists a will to be successful, then that will will translate into a motion that is free from consequential thought. It is the motion itself that signifies true victory because it signifies will. But when the people are no longer around, and the noise has grown to a silence, there is only the feeling of being alone. This success is a reflection of the effort made through passionate drive and will. The consequence of winning is lonliness and expectation for even more.
The truth is, nobody cares. Ultimately, people need people to be victorious; at any cost. The conversations that come about are substantial in that they represent a kind of belonging to the effort. People can understand that to be good at any one thing, it has to come through tremendous effort. But what those conversations miss are the pitfalls of those who reach their goals. Once a finish line has been crossed for the first time, it can no longer be crossed again in that same way. The emotions involved are such that nobody can understand them unless they have literally bled through efforts of their own; drank to the point of death in dealing with unwanted repurcussions; had one shitty relationship after another, and so on.
We all hide comfortably behind our veils. God knows we cannot afford to show how human we are. In social life, the masks we wear hide us inside ourselves. Anything we do within that framework is not truely ours. It belongs to the effort itself in the social context. In order to find success, one must take on a new persona, a goal oriented persona that is believable by even the educated ones. This is not something that can be maintained 24 hours a day by anyone. Any succes that comes while the eyes look through the little holes is a success by the other persona. If that other persona cannot break away from that social success; in whatever endeavor, then coming down from that plank is fast and cold; the immediate opposite of success. Because we all act in various ways, the success we find must be done through the real us as individuals. The masks we wear must be in the storage closet as we cross that line in order for success to occur. Once that happens, the lonliness still exists, but the quiet time is spent in silence and dignity with no constraints or social ties of any kind. Success then has no boundary so long as it comes from the passionate employment of the true self; the human self; the emotional self, the one true you. Lonliness never goes away for me, does it you?

going far, slow

Change is the inevitable effect of time. It is as natural as the water beneath us and around us. It flows this way and that carrying with it pieces of time that remind us of our progress. The pieces should never be arranged in one specific way, or believed in that one specific way, as if it were the end all be all answer to your most pressing question or concern. If that were the case, then it would naturally follow that you seek an end through a means of lesser value.
The divisions among people are rooted in belief systems where everyone thinks they're right. Few groups of people can stand among the many and be witness to the ultimate truth. This is a waist of valuable time and actually runs against the idea of living in a way justified; not through a predetermined set of values and/or beliefs, but through a vast array of experiences that help justify the one way that becomes inflexible in you. Once that point is reached inside you, there is no amount of linguistics that will sway your view. There will be no need to dismiss anyone for being who they are nor will there be any need to criticize other people on the inside for being born how they were born, at their place of birth, or for being who they are on the inside and out.
No form of worship is real unless it is valid in all times. Or, we can get rid of all electricity that powers our daily lives and walk like animals in the jungle in constant search for sustenance. You see, everything changes. Change is synonymous with progress. If it weren't for all the fucking cameras, it would actually be cool to go outside. But the way life is now, all we need is our pc's and i-pods. Face to face communication only suffices after a long and healthy courtship online. Only then can anyone get a good read on another. Technology, invest in it and become successful. Why? Because technology IS the future! LLC

life good

The twinkie represents all that is good in this nation. It is representative of a job well done. For even if you had a most horrible day and you feel as though a large reptilian creature just crapped in your fresh bowl of caramel custard cream pie with chocolate swirls and the place you got it from just closed and you haven't had anything that good since Mindy way back in high school when all it took to become excited was a visual of Bo Derek riding gallantly upon a horse, you still have your twinkie. All life is born from the twinkie
You see, within the twinkie lies a fluffy white center that surges with gentle sweetness that, when combined with natural saliva and the spongy yet always responsive, tasty and delicious yellow cake that surrounds that creamy white goodness, brings a joy like no other to the taste buds fulfilling a life-long dream of capturing the very essence of God. Yes it is through the twinkie that all life derives its force from. Never be compelled to think of anything else if you become frustrated, or dare I say happy with your day. Remember, it is the twinkie that gives true meaning to the mystery that is life.

the 74

The 74 becomes you. They feed upon your every thought and desire. Through the subconscious, our consciousness becomes aware of the divinities missed. The 74 brings forth messages heard only from the primary desire. The nature of the response is dependent upon the availability of the receiver at the time of the opening in the sky. If the timing is not right, then the outlook was such that it could not be seen, acted upon, or felt anyway. Through the 74 exists every bad thing that can come into becoming. They aide in your destruction by folding themselves around you making each moment for you a reflection of the negative side. That outlook, that viewpoint, is only a symbol of the greater illusion for you. LLC

15 second floating

I must have been dreaming. I was floating above the ground and spinning ever so slowly. It felt like I was about 5 feet up and I could see the carpet on the floor. But the floor was green grass with little chipmunks on it playing badmitten with grapes instead of birdie's. Well, I was a bit taken back from this dream. I wondered if it had anything to do with my childhood. Then I realized that it couldn't have been my childhood that was responsible for the whole 15 second experience. It had to be the fact that, at that point, I had not slept in a few days; and I don't do drugs, drink, or anything of the like; except the occasional 3 week Vegas bender. If you really want to know what it feels like to rip one off, spend three full weeks in Vegas with nothing but clubs, booze, sex and everything else you can imagine. Do that once and every now and again you too can have the 15 second floating experience.

no much

What do we do with those who have no conscience, are aware of it, and still refuse to be cool? I would think being aware that one has no feelings for anything would be somewhat of a crisis. It must be a bad place to occupy. It must be an empty place where even the funnest of fun cannot be enjoyed. For some of these people, the only joy is when they see someone having issues with their life and being glad they don't feel that much. LLC

asleep

There is a trend happening now and we are all a part of it. We are tadpoles in a sea of swirling media. Infusion has taken place and we now have a social system that relies on inconspicuousness and anonymity. Our human bonds are being broken and we rely far too much on medication. Next time you watch your favorite program, time it. Notice each commercial and what is being sold in each commercial; time them. See how they relate to the target audience. Keep an eye on the prices of each item being sold. Imagine the cost of each commercial. Check the stock reports to see how well those advertisers are doing at selling the products they were hired to sell. Look for fluctuations in market and media related outlets. Watch the news; see who sells what at what time. Pay attention to as many details as you can. Remember, all the things in the market, and at the market, are made from the same machines with the same materials. All the meds; in my cabinet! lol, just kidding. I keep them at my friends house. Seriously, if you want the profit stock, pharmaceutical medication. See who make them. Check their stocks for fluctuations; quarterly reports; tax exemptions, and so on and so on. We take the drugs because there is oney in it. We take the drugs because we see pretty butterfly's flying slowly around a wheat field as a beautiful woman runs across it with a good ole American sundress on and her hands in the air; smiling largely. Who wouldn't want that feeling? I really believe we are all sleeping too much. Someone needs to wake us all up. LLC