the daily mood decides nothing

The mood of the day drives the actions of the day. The consistent patterns we employ starve us of new sights and sounds. We become cushy and locked in our deciding zone. By that I mean we become comfortable enough to look at other people and wonder why they are having so much trouble. Then we state, among trusted friends, the problems of the others while offering no real solution other than to look like we know what we saying in the eyes of the others; those who are hearing us/you but probably not paying much attention. The daily mood decides who will be verbally bashed without them knowing it- and nothing more.

they cannot

One of the many fascinating things about people is how we use words and motion in communication yet rarely comes the day when these words, these movements come to represent our true intent. Too often it seems that what we do becomes far removed from our intended path. From there, we grasp hold of the side-rail and keep our palms slick; hoping for the smoothest ride possible. In time we may find comfort in our choices. In time we may not.
Idealistically we seek the kind of happiness we think we deserve. Yet often through time we miss the point of happiness and how it exists in constancy. It exists in the pleasantries of daily life. It happens in even the most mundane of occurances. It could be as simple as a step over a puddle without pain or it could be as difficult as over-coming an almost unbearable obstacle only to come out even stronger than you were before. Through it all we use words and motion to display ourselves. Those who persue their lives with passion need not observe the actions and reactions of other people. How could they? LLc 98.2

I value

My controlled chaos allows me the devices necessary to exist somehow on this unequal plane filled with value; value being determined by other people mind you. I value a good taco; a tasty soda pop; a shinny new penny, and a roll of quarters. I value friendships. I value a really solid sunset filled with oranges and reds, blues and purples. I value laughter and I value tears. I value the big picture more than all the little ones put together in a bright, sparkling package. But most of all I value the idea, the hope, the dream that one day we can all come together and make one big giant Klondike Bar and just eat that fucker! LLc 98.2

the anchor 2009

You have been anchored with the burden of feeling and despair. No matter what they see or how you think you are presenting yourself, the weight is on your back and it will be there till you die. No amount of drugs or therapy will hinder the ultimate designs progress. Just as there are those who are doomed to fail, similiarly, there are those who are always thinking; always dreaming; trying to find a way to drain all the pain. But it is not their duty to drain their pain. It is not their design. For them, for you, you have been chosen for the most crucial job. One in which whisks away spirits who wish to do harm to others. It takes the harboring of feelings and despair in order to fight that kind of good fight. That is what the anchor is for. So you can stay put and tell them to go shove it up their asses! LLc 98.2

lit

I once knew an individual named X. This person was by far the coolest of cool. In the morning the person would wake to the tree of love posted where the sun strikes it just right. Little berries of green would be picked for the morning process of fluxuation and adjustmant for the new day cometh that is to be filled with endless golf, burgers, fries, hotdog's, the occasional nap, and good friends all playing well. Then home for a nap the individual would go. Sometimes we would all go over and enjoy the preponderance of education made available right there in those cereal bowls. Other times, we would not and every exchange was memorable. Wherever she is now I am certain she has a large group of friends who love her so. My goodness, isn't the world just filled with wonderul, gentle, and caring people?

smoke, mud and smiles

No sleep makes one shakey and cry on the inside. I have this friend who, in general conversation with ANYBODY, can manage to give them a descriptive truth about where they came from, why they do what they do, and most importantly, the inner turmoils they have and have been carying along with them for most of their lives. It is truely something to behold. He is the kind of guy who lays it out for you in a way most of us cannot process without some pondering. The anger has to be let out on someone or something before any newness can even be inspected. Or it can be buries with all the other truths we only bring up in times that seem appropriate. Then again, what the fuck is being appropriate? lol

fast times have fled

It begins relatively slowly but one knows when its coming. I starts like a rounding imaginary tide that surrounds you. You feel its influence as it slowly snakes you in with all the thoughts that have just gotten, well, too much to bare. The one solution is obvious and usual for some people. You just grab that drink and calm down; kicking one thought after another from your tide. But the tide remains powerful and sometimes even stronger after the first day of drinking. The second day must now begin, usually at six am at the nearest grocery store with a standard 30 pack of beer. It is dark, people are just waking up, and truely nobody cares anyway. So you go back home and try and relax with that first beer foaming over your hand as it flows down the face. This begins the stinking process.
By day three you have graduated to thinking about what you will do tomorrow with your drunken ass. You can't drive or operate machinery because you now smell like sweat, dirt, and liquor. The only thing you can do is have a relatively sober friend who does not mind hanging out with your drunk ass as you beging the fifth day drive you to the store.
Remember, all this with little water and hardly any food. Oh quit- there are many young men and women who have starved themselves for months. There are many men and woman who rationalize their drinking patterns. There are just some of us that who, in the beginning storm, choose to hide away in a sea of gold and silver. The come down is the hardest you know. The come up is even harder at times.
It does begin slowly for some of us, especially when the fast times have fled and the water receeds, that one gets to explore the opposite of participation; the opposite of motivation; the opposite of fun in general, to be replaced by major movie watching, sleeping, shopping, eating, or anything that can be seen as a viable substitue for the tide pools that sucked you and all your thoughts into a world of consumption and shit. Balance, I laugh at it! LLc 98.2