not yet

I saw real fear and confusion in the eyes of a child about to die today. This was no movie here. I just happened to be walking back to the sliding glass door when I head commotion in the pool. I went over and saw my great nephew on his way down in the water. The commotion I was hearing was his little arms trying to keep him afloat. It sounded like Coco Boy had fallen in. This is exactly what we continually hear about on the news. Whenever it is quiet and you know good and damn well kids are around, there is a problem. It only takes a minute or two for anyone to have to make that dreaded phone call for the ambulance followed by the emergency room waiting to hear good news. I went through that when I was nine when my nephew Ryan died from drowning as his mother was in the house on the phone with one of her girlfriends. He was almost three just like Griffin is now and will continue to be. It was not his time to go yet, it was not his time to go yet, it was not his time yet. LLc 98.2

it the occassion

I recently had a conversation with a guy who seemed to have an interesting take on life, a really interesting one that, in the last dance, holds true for all occasions and all people in all times. It went something like this: a man, meaning man or woman, can have all the items necessary for a successful presentation and be unhappy as hell on the inside but energetic and task oriented on the outside with more than a hint of inspiration to top it all off; again, his meaning him or her. Now, a man can have nothing; no items to show and nowhere to go and be unhappy as hell or even more so than the man who is good to go on his stage, or so it may be.
So it seems that when one speaks of happiness, one must have it for themselves without any thought or deviation from their ultimate and natural goal while enjoying every step of the process along the way. It is important to know now that this is a man who has never really worked doing anything, has no kids, and has more friends than you can shake a stick at from all over the country. Anyway, happiness in his eyes can be as simple as a man living under a bridge or in some down and out shanty-town in the middle of the desert where he can drop dead without anyone ever knowing a thing about it the occasion or him. That man, he may have been, if it were and was the case I am sure somewhere sometime, may have been the happiest man in the world who died doing exactly what he wanted to be doing where he wanted to be doing it, whatever it may be and have been.
So, who is to judge who is happy truly or not? There are many people who prefer to be unhappy because that is their comfort zone; the place they are most familiar with how things look through their preferred lens; the one that gives them the jagged frame they believe they need to operate from in order to solve an issue that they created themselves through habit and familiarity over time. As an example, if these unhappy people were to somehow have a slate clean enough to eat off of with all the trimmings of ultimate freedom and expression and happiness and joy, they would soon surely fuck it all up with one or more of the many emotional people they employ. The point he was making was clear enough for me I thought and in a world of rush, rush, rush, where media is static and filled with buckets of shit stacked one on top of the other, his point was correct in a general way for all mankind in time. Social expectancy and rewards are simple showdowns between caged rabbits hungry to fuck with a thirst for more, more, more. LLc 98.2

average man

I know your secrets. I know how you think and feel inside. I know how you hate yourself and wish sometimes you were a completely different person altogether. I know you hate your circumstances. I know the books you read, the ones that take you away to that warm and dark place of comfort and tranquility. I know there you are in complete control. I know your dreams and what you dream about. I know what turns you on and what turns you out. You are a trick like me no different than the average man living beneath his capability. LLc 98.2

mom dear mom

Everything is so complicated....
I got up this morning and it was complicated. I did not sleep last night and it was complicated.. wait.. switch that. I walked into the bathroom and it was complicated. There was no soap because the soap was downstairs in the cupboard and it was complicated. I slipped on the stairs and it was complicated. I twisted my foot and it was complicated. The phone rang and it was my mother and she made me want to kill myself and it was complicated. She needs something I cannot provide and it was complicated. The phone died as I was talking to her and it was complicated. I charged the phone, it took forever and it was complicated. I called her back and it was complicated. She laughed and it was complicated. I asked, "why are you laughing?" she said, "because everything is so complicated. LLc 98.2

fast and furious

Mass produced fast food is and has been killing Americans slowly thus opening the door to the use of new medications by the masses; a practice far removed from the use of natural ingredients found on and in the Earth (Bible). Some medications may contain natural ingredients, but the sheer amount of medications available these days shows clearly what matters most, speed and money. LLc 98.2

no feel, none

I don't feel it sometimes. When I try and force it out of sheer know how, things get out of sorts and difficult to understand. Sometimes I don't feel like playing the game either inside or out. When this occurs I simply disengage myself from everything and enclose myself inside this dungeon that has been my friend for so very long. Inside that dark and cool place there is comfort for me. Inside that dark place I am the master of nothing and that feels just great. I don't feel it sometimes not because I seek something, I don't feel it sometimes because it is not in the cards I was dealt, so fighting it is a lost cause and a tremendous waist of my time. LLc 98.2

bags

Touchy some people are. But this touchiness is in response to something much deeper, for good or for bad. Maintaining and automatically switching on this defensive touchiness over time becomes habit forming and puts bags under our eyes requiring even more excuses in our justification shoulder harnesses. LLc 98.2