I used to get confused a lot when I was a kid. I always had to be doing something or I would just go nuts. Something was not normal inside me and everyone around me knew it. But there was no diagnosis for it. No medication. Nothing. Now that what I have has been discovered and there is medication, I still feel the sensation of being down all the time. I just can't shake this nasty feeling. I have begun to isolate myself and stay away from crowds. I have cut off friends I have known for years. The more I grow older, the worse it seems to get.

In today's political climate, truth is the enemy. It has become so bad that even when clear evidence, on tape, is presented to those who support Trump, it is of no real consequence. His constant lying about things he knows nothing about and the fact that he has control over the most powerful military the planet has ever seen should scare everybody.

I grew up when we actually had to get up and change the dial on the TV set. We had three channels back then and it was fine for us. My friends and I spent most of our time outside in the heat or cold. We played football, basketball, hockey, baseball, and we spent a lot of time at the local park where there was a public swimming pool. We all got dirty everyday and we knew nothing about helmet's as we used our skulls to protect our brain's. These days are not the same for kids. I suppose this is normal as every generation comes up with newly developed technologies. I have a niece who never leaves her room because she spends all of her time on the computer. She has gained a lot of weight as a result and has no friends IRL. There must be a balance that is struck in each of our lives when it comes to technologies. We must never lose sight of the fact that we are explorers by nature. This means we must be in the outdoors more often, all of us, because new technologies don't just affect the younger generation, it affects us all. It is nature that truly speaks to us.

Right now I feel as if I have no place in the world. I am all alone. I have felt this way my whole life, but now that I am getting older, it is becoming more and more difficult to deal with everyday life. I see horrible things coming. I see division everywhere. I see hate flowing through the hearts and minds of decent people. I see fear fear fear running rampant all over the world. I can't shut off what I see and feel everyday. It is continuous and my fear is very real to me.

No Rules

Too often lately, I'm hearing pure and hateful rhetoric coming from the "so called" Christian community here in the United States. I am seeing drastic changes taking place in the ways in which people look at one another. People are becoming desperate. And when desperation becomes part of the game, the rules are no more.

I am afraid America has made the worst possible choice for President. He is a monster, a swindler, one whose passion is that of the acquisition of the all mighty dollar at the expense of other people. He is psychologically imbalanced and is going to be in charge of the most power nuclear arsenal in world history. Our system is broken. Things like this were never supposed to happen here. But it did. And now we all have to live with a child at the top of the political food chain. I see nothing happening for the good of the world anytime in the near future. I see the ugliness of humanity raging all over social media and the social world and it is of great concern to me.

I often think that I have made a significant amount of mistakes in my life. I just don't feel as though I am as far along as I should be. I know I am not alone in the way I feel. I used to put pressure on myself and compare myself to everybody else. But then I remembered when I was a kid I only wanted one key to carry around with me. Today, I have two keys. I am still single and without kids. I never wanted kids. So I stopped comparing myself with those that do. I never wanted a mortgage so I stopped comparing myself to them. I never wanted a "hot" car so I quit comparing myself to them. After all is said and done, I think I have come through it all with more wisdom than I had to begin with. And nobody can place a mortgage on that.