Better Cars

Our family name is something we have when we are born. Nobody has a choice in this matter. For example, I was born into a working class/railroad family. Money was always tight, but my parents always supported the lot of us in the best ways they could. Because of them, my childhood in the 1970's was particularly awesome! Our family name carried no particular weight in our community. But there were many kids my age who were born into families with recognizable last names. Obviously, these names were associated with money and if you come from money, there are certain social powers that are bestowed upon you. Growing up among kids with money showed me what kind of lives they had compared to mine. These kids always: got the girl, had the car, had the cash, had the schooling, had the job waiting for them when they finished school, started out higher than most in their field, and always managed to get away with practically anything they wanted. I listened to the ways they talked down to other kids. I saw the effect those words had on those kids. I watched and befriended truly horrible people that, when talked to as fellow human beings, were just as confused and messed up as the rest of us... they just had better cars. I knew early on in life that having money was not the way to happiness in and of itself. It would never replace the human beings ability to be a complete mess of bottled up confusion and pain. But what a name does for somebody is keep certain doors open and opportunities available to them. In the end, we are not names and we are not money. In the end, we are mortal and the only thing a better name is going to get us is a better, more attractive gravestone.

It is somewhat relieving for me to have once again found coin collecting as a hobby. Although I have only been at it for a week or so now, I have came across a very rare and valuable coin. Needless to say, I am excited. Beyond this new revelation, I have not been in the mood to write as I have gout in both my feet. Both of my feet look like they are blown up balloons and the pain is almost too much to bear. I have been through this before in grad school. I had to get rides to class from security until they found out I was a liability for the university to assist me in that way. Isn't that funny? Six-grand a quarter and seven dollar salads in the cafe and I can't get a little help to class from security? Anyway, I am glad I quit drinking over a decade ago. Otherwise, I would be in seriously bad condition right now. I'm not too sure about my depression as it has been somewhat covered up by my "found again" hobby. I suppose if I think about it too much, it will only get worse. I'm getting pretty tired of worse! I'm getting pretty tired of having to tell myself how important it is to keep climbing, to keep striving for something better. I'm just not feeling that kind of self-hypnosis at this point in time. Today is a new day and I'm okay with that!

The people have always looked for someone to come and show them the way. They think there will be a great man who will come and take this country to a whole new place where new frontiers can be explored; where new energy is used and expanded and where new ideas and technology (science) makes its way across the landscape. This is not happening now as big oil has spoken through its orchestra of puppets: climate change is fake and science is a lie! EVENTUALLY, we have to remember that with every new form of technology, in many cases, comes less of a need for human beings. This reality is not necessarily being addressed. Grocery stores, movies theaters, fast-food joints, gas stations, restaurants, etc.. are requiring less and less people. There will come a time when there is so much happening at the bottom, so much poverty and crime, that it will boil up to the top and then we will all see the system at its end point. And when the smoke clears, the monied folks will climb out of their holes and begin anew by hiring the sick and poor to clean everything up and begin building their mansions. And the people will be without elections, almost like it is now.

"You will lose your freedom under the guise of security," JFK.

Nothing happens without the banks. Congress takes orders from the banks. The people have had no say for quite some time. In essence, there is no longer a functioning Constitution. It has been discounted legally. And nobody knows or will take time to prove it to themselves. Nobody wants to hear it, see it, or think about it. It is a new world forming and nobody has anything to say about it.

Have you ever found out a few things that absolutely changed the way you see the world? Something has been inside me, grinding away all my gears. The last few months have deepened my isolation. I am completely alone now. I am once again having realistic visions of driving the truck off the cliff. I have a spot picked out. It's clean, quick and then no more worries. I totally get why people do such horrible things to themselves. I am in that place now. And you know what's funny? The information, anybody can get it. It's totally free, which in this fucking world is a miracle in and of itself. To say nobody cares is an understatement. People here just want to be comfortable and left alone. They want barbecue's, football games, and beer. They want television shows, movies, and cheeseburgers. They want new cars and clothes and ice cream bars. I swear it is a most amazing thing as nobody cares about what is true and what is false. Nobody reads books. Too many people are getting their information from corporate news. Time and time again, over and over again, you can bring up any one provable fact to someone and if it runs against the information they received from THEIR news channel, it's fake news. The devil couldn't have come up with such genius. The people in this country are so backwards assed fucked over with bad information it absolutely makes me physically sick. Words cannot describe how bad reality really is. I have never been more unhappy in my entire life.

Things are pretty scary here right now. Not a lot of people are talking about it. I think there is a whole lot of wishful thinking going on. I think there is a lot of disenchantment. I must say, I have never felt the way I do. It's a sick, helpless feeling. I see images of people on one channel that are the opposing images on another channel. I swear it's just like a circus. I can only tolerate news if there is something breaking. The rest of it is just repeating. What people fail to realize here is that if you are watching/listening to something long enough, what you are watching will tend to become believable over time. It is the same thing as if you hear oysters make a good dish-washing detergent because of its natural ingredients which have a tendency to, when combined with various other natural ingredients, formulate a kind of fast-acting cleaning agent in the form of foam... bubbles that scrub, scrubbing bubbles. This is just a fabrication. But it is fabrications like this one that show the power of advertising, which is repeated. I wish people payed more attention. If the real light is to go on, the television must go off.

You cannot talk rationally with someone who is paid to do otherwise and you cannot talk with someone who is convinced they are right. Too often, people only want to get their point across without fully taking into consideration other points of view.
Every decision has a consequence and every thought an origin. Rarely can we say it just happened out of nowhere. There is always a somewhere and meaning is everywhere and nowhere all the time.