The Psychedelic Furs - Love My Way

The old man heard rom a riend back in 1937 that Rolex was the watch to have and he should get one. At that time, the old man was a young whipper-snapper looking to make a ew bucks. He was a hustler, a pool hustler who moved rom town to town being young and getting into ights. Without thinking very much about it, when he ound himsel ahead, he would buy himsel a watch. He didn't tell anybody, he just bought a Rolex watch and then then put it in a box, wrapped and everything. He knew what time it was, it was time to make money. Ater the war, the old man ound himsel in the insurance business and he also had part ownership in a urniture store. Over time, he began collecting much more than Rolex watches. His success alone in the insurance business aorded him plentry o peoperty or storage. He had two tractors, a ield o corn... along with all kinds o other vegetables. I think he retired when he was in his late 50's or something like that. Everybody liked the old man. He always lew the lag out in ront o his porch. I'm not sure anybody in the neighborhood knew the man served in World War 2. But I knew. I also knew that he was never alone. The old man always had people around him. I don't think he had a amily  his own, but he did have a amily member or two live with him over the years. I think maybe they came by to check on him because he never really talked very much to anybody. I mean, nobody knew a thing about the old man. Interestingly, one night I was watching the news. A local man was outside his driveway handing over various items he has collected over the years. He had been there or hours. I guess ater some time, somebody called the news station and told them there was a guy giving away treasure rom his driveway. I looked at the screen and it was the old man. I immediately ran over to my riends house and we went to the old mans driveway. Turns out, he had been there all aternoon just giving away things he's collected over the years to anybody who came by. The news got there just in time to watch him open the last box that was behind him. It was a good size box and very well sealed. The old man ripped open the box with some box cutters and grabbed the irst item on top. With a smile he looked at me and handed me the item. It was a Rolex Sea dweller 1665 Double Red-Mark 1V. I to this day know nothing about watches and I don't think the old man knew either. The only reason I knew what kind o watch it was was because that is what it said on the box. The old man never opened it. I made the news cut that out. But they continued ilming the old man until he handed over every watch in the box... all o them Rolex watches. Turns out, that old man had been collecting every Rolex watch made between 1955 and 1989. He had been giving them away or years. When asked at the end o the day why he gave it all away, the old man said, "I collected these things or a long time and got enjoyment rom each and every minute. I never got married, never had kids, and since I am on my way out, it made sense to me or people to beneit in some small way rom the joy I received in attaining it all. Anyways, where I'm going, none o it does me much good."

My love is alive (Gary Wright ) original version

Maybe it's the natural inclination o man to take advantage o his ellow man until that advantage can no longer be exploited. This o course comes at the price o the ellow man and his riendship. One could say that such a relationship has never been built on mutual respect and riendship, thereor no riendship can be lost. I suppose this is true i everything was cut and dry. But things only get cut and dry when one party becomes ed up with what can only be called a "onesided relationship." There has to come a point where the one who is being used simply wises up and abandons his/her eorts at doing the right thing. How can you do the right thing and accomplish what is right? Well, in the short term, there is pain. There is the adjustment o not seeing said person everyday o the week or weeks, months, and years on end while constantly doing their bidding, so to speak. In that time, they could have learned what they can and cannot do or themselves without anybody else's ucking money, smokes, booze, drugs, couch, car, gas, etc... in exchange or what? The privilege o being their slave? Don't get me wrong, i the person who is so called "using" is one who has physical or mental issues, well that is dierent. They are not aware or they do not allow themselves to think ar enough ahead o the pssible consequences or wanting things done or them all the time. And yes, experience tells me that some people take advantage o their diagnosis. There are tricks and treats mankind plays on himsel and other people. Maybe it is the normal inclination o mankind to take advantage o his ellow man because it sure happens enough in this world.

I have been having cyclical, negative thought or the last our days. I've had very little sleep and the pain in my mouth is such that eating anything but soup is a chore. The pain will pass. That's not what's keeping me up. This whole thing started when I decided to place mysel in lie-long debt and get a degree or two. It was a mistake. I just wanted to inish what I started years beore. I went too ar in subjects that have no real applications in society unless you write about society using sociologically sponsored PhD's who all reuse to place their name anywhere but on top. I stay away rom PhD people. Nobody should know how to do research that well, learn the truth, and then pay no attention to that truth. I don't even know i there's a word or that. Besides that, it seems the higher up the ladder one climbs, the less and less time there is to live... a lie. On top o the reality that lie brings us all, anybody would be hard-pressed to ind a doctor who is not heavily intertwined with the pharmaceutical industry. They go hand in hand. And then the insurance companies... dear God we could go on orever. I bought into everything until I hit 27 or 28. Once I inished what I started, I mastered the art o using reerences and proper citations in my written work all o which has done me no good. When I'm not making nickels an hour, I am researching. This is what I believe these last ew days have been about. The thing Is, since I quit watching television, except espn, i also quit the news. I have been compelled to investigate happenings rom both the past and the present. No bias, just something closer to the truth than I am used too. The only thing I can say about seeking the truth is that it is without question nothing what you think the process to be. I you come across one Possibility o the truth, a set o veriiable circumstances that lead one to "an" outcome, then the best thing you can do is sit on it. I hate that about getting older, the older we get the more we learn about the things we thought were true that were ar rom it. That, I believe is my last our days.

Some people, usually younger people, are willing to do anything to get ahead in this world. The most hurtul o these things is to separate themselves rom themselves. In many cases, these young people are not aware o what they are doing while they are doing it. They just wake up one day only to ind themselves scheduled to do certain things or those who helped bring them along, so to speak. In time, they invariably ind themselves in constant motion or the beneit o other people. Playing the earthly game o "success" is hard-hitting and very real. Those willing to do unthinkable things have the kind o desperation only those looking to exploit that demeanor or every nickel it's worth are looking or. This is especially true o the entertainment industry. What ills our television screens and movie screens are people, some o which did unspeakable things, that have a certain kind o majik within them. They may not be the most talented, but what they do possess is the ability to transorm the audience into being something they are not. They move the audience to participate by involving themselves rom the inside... actually imagining they are part o the iction that is being presented to them. I call this The Secondary Lie. This secondary lie is very much preerred by many people as the regular lie we all possess does not have the same impact on other people's lives. The only thing we have as human beings is the idea that we can be what we want to be in this world. But this must be done without compromising the principles we gained as we grew up. This hold true no matter how good or bad the household was when growing up.

A lot o people, all o us really, have ideas about such mundane things as the meaning o lie. I mean, what exactly is the meaning o our lives here on this planet? Speaking or mysel, I did not choose to be here. In act, I came between two miscarriages. I have no recollection o anything prior to 1969. When I was a kid, I became absolutely transixed with the reality that we have a inite amount o time on this planet and that nobody knows i there is anything beyond our existence here. I started to explore religion and philosophy when I was a kid back in the late 70's. I remember inding out how people rom dierent parts o the world had diering versions o what I came to know as the ater-lie. I also ound early on that children inherit their parents religion and worldview... or the most part. One could argue there is no choice in the matter. It was during high school that I became interested in sociology.
In sociology I ound a myriad o great thinkers who entrenched themselves with trying to understand how society works and the driving orces that operate behind society and how society molds its actors into behaving and thinking in certain ways. Once I started taking communications courses, it became clear to me as to the direction I was going to go. I did not think about what it would pay because I knew there was no pay and that poverty was probably going to be part o the lie I have always known. I suppose my saving grace is the act that I am a minimalist.

I totally understand when people call doctor people quacks. I get that rom start to inish. I read a comment that said you don't need to have a chemical imbalance to become an alcoholic and/or drug addict, but an imbalance does exist within the brain o someone who is bi-polar. rom what I gather, bi-polar is characterized by dramatic mood swings that can occur at various intervals or levels, depending on the stimulus and intensity o "a" situation... or no situation at all... just a situation that is happening inside ones mind. The thing is, people with, let's say depression, have eelings o worthlessness that have no basis in reality. It is something that is contrived out o nowhere and it is what it is. It can be said that a chemical imbalance does exist within said mind. In such cases, proper medication and guidance could be o use... or not. The point is, depression is not understood because it has many variables to consider. To go along with that, each person has a dierent chemical makeup stemming rom dierent circumstances. Oh sure there may be similarities between two or ten thousand people, but the lie experience o each individual person who lives with depression everyday is unique. It is thereor next to impossible to be 100% sure o a proper diagnosis when it comes to depression. In my world, depression is something I learned to hide, well. I kept busy growing up with sports and school so I never let mysel have the time to not be doing something. As I have grown and become less active in those arenas, I have ound that I have the same pathetic, nonsensical notions about mysel as I had when I was young. Bi-polar is something people, even doctor's, know little about. Yes, they know more than those who do not have bi-polar because they study people who have that diagnosis. In reality, that means they have more valid things to say about it than Joe Schmo with virtually no experience in the area. One could easily say, " Well shit, Moby Dick was a shitty book"... having never read it all all. I mean, that's super easy to do and it oten happens when people don't have a clue as to what the hell they are talking about. In my world, Bi-polar is marked by periods o extreme highs and extreme lows all with varying degrees o severity. Sometimes the darkness and negativity is so thick I could absolutely end it all. Yet I don't because I lack the courage. So I chose to drink it all away or quite some time. But ater years o "good times" I ound mysel back in that place, unhealthy, spiritually bankrupt and physically wounded. Through those times, I did have periods o sobriety where I did eel extremely high, but without drugs or alcohol. In every case, in every instance, I always ell hard straight to the bottom o the darkess hole I could ind. I honestly know o no other way to see lie, my lie. I did the medication thing or a ew years and ound it to be aective to a certain degree. But ater x amount o years, I stopped and have been pill-ree or almost a year. And rom what I can gather thus ar, nothing has changed. I am simply older and I guess more comortable with it. I simply quit the ight and accepted mysel or who and what I am: imperect, honest, and quite the ool sometimes. That said, things like depression and Bi-polar disorder or whatever anybody calls it is indeed a reality or some people. It is nothing to lean on or use to make lie easier. Believe me when I say there is no such thing as "easy" when it comes to having to deal with seriously negative eelings about yoursel that have no oundation in reality while at the same time waiting or that crispy wave to take you back to the beach, switly and with enthusiasm knowing that what waits or you at the blanket is a sunburn, sand between your toes, and no water in the cooler.

Nothing

The last thing anybody really wants to hear is truth. There is evidence or this. Many have told jokes about it. Little clues have been let throughout the writings o all kinds o people rom various centers o social, political, and entertainment industries. The very irst thing many o us do when we hear things we are not amiliar with is to simply judge them to be wrong, call it bs conspiracy jargon, and remove the thought immediately rom our minds. But the act is we are all owned by international bankers. They own the government and thereor have tremendous inluence over policy and things like war. This is something that has been in place since our Revolutionary War. But the real oot went down in 1913. No matter what anybody says, that was the year America lost its identity. In that single year, America became no dierent than Europe... just less time in the game. Not long ater, we became the strongest military power on the planet. Why? Why us and why during the time just prior to the cold war (manuactured)? Skipping ahead, nobody looks at the decor o Dealey Plaza. Having been there, I can say that everything is in plain sight. It's so out in the open it is diicult to notice given what took place there. The thing is, these people don't care about us, the little people. And as a result, those in the government who are plugged into this thing also do not care as they have been given the kind o power that they desire... even though they are all acting on other people's behal. They don't care about anything other than their goals which were publicly stated by George Bush when he talked about a New World Order. Jack Kennedy was not privy to this idea, essentially, and was made to be an example. In actuality, Jack knew he was screwed. That was just a perect storm that made it necessary or extreme and immediate changes to be made. The strange thing about this all is the act that many people who operate under various guises do so because that is their job. They know nothing else but what they are assigned to do. Lying is just part o the larger picture which includes one generation ater the next generation. The truth is, people are or sale. or enough money, anybody would do what they are told to do and say what they are told to say. Television makes us keenly aware o what success is. It sure does look like a lot o un doesn't it?

People make the mistake o thinking it's a dem or rep thing. lol, it's not. the repubs just take money rom dierent groups, well, sometimes the same, but dierent. lol. So maybe we should just all get over that. But noooooooo.... lol. I you like the earth, you're a liberal moocher. i you like Jesus, you're a Repub. It's just one screw storm ater another and you can check all this shit through the ages. And since 1913 and the passage o the patriot act, there really is no Constitution that applies evenly to all people. In act, there has never been and there never will be equality. There can only be tolerance because the monied amilies and bankers amilies and riends will always be in control o everybody o any signiicance within the government. There will always be people in high places with direct connections to their bosses. The unny thing is and the bitch o it all is the act that everything can be placed under the umbrella o conspiracy. or example, the more time you spend watching the news, the less time you are apt to spend digging on your own. It took many, many people to put programming like that together... which makes your lack o eort the result o a conspiracy to prvent you rom even having the will to dig any deeper. Isn't that great?

Nobody talks about it, but many write books about it. With all the darkness in the world, with the "Look at me and how well I am doing" mentality that drives us all to the point where we can grow no more, what does that get us? Security? Shit man, has any great thing ever been done rom a place o security? People look down on other people rom places o security. People become armchair quarterbacks and solvers o geopolitical conlicts ater a hal rack o beers and a bag o cheese nips. Then what? God? Then what do people inevitably do? Look down on those who don't worship as they do. This is why God is not the solution. So long as man walks the earth, there will be conlict and it will have one hell o a lot more to do with what was planned ahead o time, with a purpose, than anything the people will ever be told. With all the darkness in this world, there is light. But this light is not ound in all places by all people. It is ound in the cracks and crevices we ind within the darkness, the little openings o time. Just like lies, the truth is presented all over the place in many orms. Art is, in general, a great place to ind and interpret truth.

I was sexually abused by two girls once at a party. Did anybody listen to my story? No! I was lead into a hotel room by two adult males when I was a kid. I got lucky and said my mother was waiting or me at home and she knew I was at The Roadway. Nobody listened. The vibe was a dark one. Male or emale, the world has darkness in it. Within this darkness is what can only be called mass manipulation. The stories that really matter nobody hears about. Some will say,"You eat the meat and unwrap the presents while we slaughter the pigs and cows you put sauce on." To a large degree, this is true. But in the last analysis, in order or there to be such a place as this where there are people living ruitul, yet largely in debted lives... where paper thin television screens can now be slapped on the wall like old wall paper, there has got to be a high level o cluelessness that cannot be readily identiied by those who are most aected. To see it rom within is a diicult task. But there are many rom outside who can see what has to happen on the inside because it has happened in their countries to their people and their amilies. They understand how propaganda works and how it aects entire generations o people. It's like this: You want crime to go away? You want prisons, just not in your neighborhood? You want everybody to pull their own weight and be like you? Really? You want everyone to be just like you? You care that much? And you care enough to convert them to your religion? Well shit man, what would that do to the prison population? What would that do to drug addiction and the making o unwanted babies? Less cops, less nurses, less doctors and therapists needed. Less prison guards and less prisons being built which means less money being exchanged. What would that do to the economy? More God, less crime which means less need or home protection. What would that do to the gun manuacturing industry? Let's not kid ourselves into wanting things to be like this or that because no matter which way it goes the realities o lie are created as such that everybody gets paid all along the way. Nothing in this world is ree. As ar as being used sexually or getting lucky one night when it was plausible that I be raped or killed, I know about those eelings and have had to stew on what these realities must be like or other olks with much more severe outcomes. Intended or not is not the point, but spells are being cast on all those who care to know. People are making money keeping us away rom ourselves.

The more I delve into the history o things, the more I am disappointed. Not only is the day being controlled, but yesterday is also being controlled. This does not say much or the uture o things. With that in mind, the common attitude is, "there is nothing that can be done. Worry about yoursel." I am araid one day a child will wake up and have to get chipped, vaccinated, and indoctrinated into a liestyle that is security based. Now, what can come rom this besides the absolute loss o reedoms? I heard today that the CC is going to mess around with our internet experience. One day I swear a child is going to wake up and have to get clearance just to leave the state. One day it will not be possible to cross into another state without having to go through a complete background check. I am araid Thomas Jeerson was correct. Once we let the banks take over, it is only a matter o time beore there is no nation and there are no reedoms. We have never had a democracy, only a Republic. And right now it has turned into a government controlled by corporations. That my riends is called ascism and/or an oligarchy. So when someone says, "What can we do about it?" just tell them that i they don't know, well, there you have it! Keep watching that television and one day you will realize that you were being lied too the whole time and the boys on top screwed you... well.

When I was a kid, it was vitally important or me to wind up with only three keys when I was older. I needed one key or my room, one key or my ride, and one key I just have because it went to a lock I once had. To me, that was an important goal. The meaning behind it was a simple one: To keep lie simple and without drama. I think the irst ork in the road came when I was 20 and met Cindy. It would have been easy or me to hook into a lielong job, marry the whore, have kids, and then get a divorce and lose the house I never really owned, the car I never really drove, and the kids I never really saw because I was working all the time (My ather worked all the time, but he made time or me when he could). I had that chance. I know that road because I have seen people go down that road and "act" happy. Some o them ind Jesus as a way to cope with their utter misery. Others use drugs or booze or eat or watch too much television to get through the day or weekend or whatever. And hey, who would I be to say they're wrong in doing so? That's what we do here: we spend more on our drugs and tobacco than we do on teachers and education. Getting back to the point here. I am middle aged now and I only have two keys and in the next two to ive years will be selling what little I have. I will then only have one key. I suspect my plans will not go as planned, but I plan on taking to the road or a while. I think I need to see my country and talk to her people. And I cannot do that i I have too many keys.

It takes real courage or a man to reveal himsel to another person... or the world or that matter. It means he has to give up all the tools he's been using to build those walls he has inside and exchange them or a good pair o shoes. I think maybe some people try too hard to tear down the walls they've constructed as opposed to just walking away.... into a more open space... a more open time.

Tom Petty- Crawling Back To You

The Rover

Jethro Tull - Locomotive Breath