Sunday, July 23, 2017

A debate should take place to determine when exactly men became influenced by their feminine side which is and has always been displayed within the entertainment industry. In all honesty, I have not found its beginning. One could track it to MTV and then take it from there, I suppose. The fact is, you may have a pastor that engages in what can only be described as frivolous behavior. He could be wearing the same mask he's been wearing since childhood. It is often the case that certain truths destroy people's idea of what reality actually looks like, its influence on them, and everybody around them. It can be said that what we think is reality is just a series of small, medium, and large advertisements designed to obtain everybody's money. Once we leave our dwellings, all our masks come on. It takes real balls to put down the masks we are so familiar with; we've been reinforcing their use since we learned how to wear them. Television simply keeps us in the game, in the spell, in the delusion.
A true victory is walking through the darkness and somehow making it through to the other side. Some see victory as being a military or sports reference to the winners. This is indeed the case. However, until someone has spent time walking with what can only be called demons (occurs inside your mind), they don't have very much to say about it. I do not recommend anybody walk down the path of addiction, to anything. For me, alcohol was the gateway to my own personal hell. I do not have any regrets for having gone through each of my nine or 13 withdrawal episodes of which two led to seizures and one led to me stopping breathing. I have too many family members and friends who have struggled and lost to alcohol and/or drugs. I was ready myself to cross that line. During the later portion of my struggle, I could not sleep and the only thing I did was drink beer. My hair started falling out. I shook all the time. There was never enough. I have to say that during my years of drinking, I met a lot of strange people. It is really amazing how there is an entire sub-culture devoted to drinking. To be a part of that traveling carnival is something you just have to experience to believe. The main issue always becomes, "what do I do now?" After you have done the party thing, the sex thing, the winding up in another state thing, you will come to the crossroads: continue and die or stop and live. As far as I know, there is nothing worse than the three to four day withdrawals. The things I saw were truly horrifying. In every instance, I quit cold turkey. This is a huge mistake. But at the same time there was no way in hell I would ever be able to ween myself off of alcohol. It was cold turkey or nothing. I still have my life-long companion, manic depression... whatever that means. Alcohol took it away for a short time. But once that time became too much to bear, I had to accept the pain I have always felt on the inside. I cannot run from my darkness, but I know I cannot drown it away either.