ever will again and again

She was soft and steady in her ways. The dominant feelings of the day pervaded her every way. Is not easy she would often say. Lies rarely are I would respond. The comfortability of the matter lies in the absence of lies. To become a liar is one thing, to maintain the lie is another thing altogether. There is no sense in the manufacturing and maintenance of lies, but lies are all we see; they are all that we know. We all have a one way ticket to the big show once our eyes open, truly open up to the deceitful practices of man. We do these things because we are worthless and easily manipulated by the mainstream idealisms of those we cannot see and ever will. LLc 98.2

few rewards

She lives a separate life, we all do. In this life is the sanctity of feeling and togetherness. She has practiced and practiced over and over again. She has perfected the art of self deception to a T. She misfires often but due to her compartmentalization techniques developed over years and years of self hatred in the pursuit of the alternate life, she has been able to maintain her presentation with some courteousness. However, she fails in following through. She runs and hides and has excuses that are fail safe at the ready. She has attained her status and now wants to reap the rewards which there are few. Now she adds a whole new denial to the knapsack. Her denial of attraction: just more thoughts to place in the big bag that grows bigger still. LLc 98.2

inside the you

Fantasy land is fun and people live there. It is not a dream, it is very real and happening everyday in you and everyone around you. Inside this montage is the most compelling effect of them all. It is your favorite thing and it is the sole reason you are thriving there inside the you. It is also the main reason you cannot thrive outside your mind. Is reality all that bad that you rely on the mental images of you decorated in fine fabric and you are OK with that; far removed from your presentation of yourself; far removed from the real you who could never be let free as far as you can see over the heavy humps you have placed in front of yourself? Plus, nobody gives a shit! LLc 98.2

drink to fit

I know she reads a lot. She must lose herself in deep thought. I suspect she drinks which fits the profile to a T. I know there have been many a night when me and a roommate solved all the worlds problems over a couple cases of beer and some other crude form of poisoning.
She wants to make real changes but feels tied to a lowly spot; a spot unclean and filled with lustful thoughts. Then again, if you live in this society you have lustful thoughts each and every day of the week. Maybe it's better to keep things in my head. That way I can play safe and never get to experience the intensity of what should be. I know she would be comfortable with that as it would not impede on her thoughts which must be at the very least similar to mine. LLc 98.2

I remember back in the early 90's I met a woman in a bar. I did not belong there if you know what I mean. She said hardly a word inside. If she did it would have been difficult to hear her over the music that was playing so loudly. She invited me to dance. We danced one dance then went outside to her car. She was aggressive and threw me inside. I never felt so glad to be a man/young man in my life. The woman did'nt even say goodbye or anything. I felt so used.
I met another woman sometime ago in a movie theater. She too was aggressive and had a purpose. She achieved her purpose and all was well in the neighborhood.

the telling spots

There was one day when she was wearing a black and white shirt. She came over near me and unbuttoned the top button as she began to speak. I saw her mind wandering as she moved her sexy little lips talking about things we discussed earlier in the week. I wanted to be inside her mind. I wanted to live the experience she was sweating over at that moment. She is good i'll give her that. She hides well, but everyone has their tells and she was screaming fucking sexy! LLc 98.2

free they see

Like what am I supposed to do? The woman avoids me and feels as if this whole thing is wrong. OK, it is somewhat, but sometimes the unexpected thing happens. To avoid the feelings; to allow them to slip away into the wandering mental abyss, is to allow the negative vibe to make decisions based on possible negative consequences.
NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES! shit.... anything new, any change, any time anyone altar's their daily imaginative spectrum filled with more shadows than color; anytime one follows what one feels inside, the slug will hurt and it will take the fucking wind right away from every minuscule sack one has in one's lungs. The bruises will show and everyone will know and criticise the new show they get to see for free. LLc 98.2