constant lubrication

We are born into the machine that spins with constant lubrication of the flesh and blood of tireless hearts and broken backs. The people from the past were no different than we are now and they were grounded up just like we are being grounded now. However, we no longer have to measure up to the people who can no longer tell their tales and spin their webs just as we do. The machine is equipped with every sort of pain you can imagine. With that imagination one can dream up the worst of nightmares along with the most pleasant of child-like dreams that allow us to wander freely among the spirits that surround us. The machine allows this because outside the machine is a pleasant valley where the only sounds are the wind brushing the caterpillars from the leaves and thumping them down upon another below. Within our machines we must maintain a sense of our dreams. It is through this mechanism that we can see through the residual effects of all our shortcomings and false hopes based entirely on fiction and want. We all lubricate the future with our discontent.

abandon

I want to abandon my want and trade it in for desire. I want to know the differences between the two and be able to contribute to the plus side of this dichotomy. Desire is the driver while want is the social side that always works concurrently with the, " keep up with the Jones's mentality." Desire can never drive the social because it always changes and flows with the times, want changes and responds to the times in the form of falacy and false desire. Like the false representatives who claim this but are actually that, so too is wanting. Desire is always based in the perfect fantasy which should be our everyday while wanting is always based in the here and now and is completely made up and responsive.

lobby carpet

I'm not in the mood to do anything. I have been feeling this way since 1991 when I was forced to watch a movie that was to become one of the highest grossing chick flick movies of all time. I was literally sickened when the movie began and continued to be until I had to exercise my right to get the fuck up out of the chair and go to the lobby so I could catch my breath. Good thing it was 23 below that night; god forbid I should be where the air was dirty. I stood in the lobby feeling my racing heart beat right out of my chest and bounce around on the worn, red lobby carpet. There was a lady standing and watching me as if I was from out of town or something. Little did she know of the hell I was in and yes, I was from out of town. I could have just puked all over her and felt good about it.
Heart still racing and girlfriend pissed in the seat next to her sister, I headed across the street for a drink. It was the least I could do. I started knocking back kamikaze's and beers. I must have had 3 a piece before I walked back to the lobby all red and plush on the edges and worn everywhere else. I received the, " nothing happened treatment " which was the equivalent of, "no sex for you bitch!" Hey, at 21 that is a big deal and a card she played well. One evening I puled that, "I'm not in the mood to do anything " crap and it was ineffective. She got pissed and went out, screwed another guy while drinking on her own money, then came back and lied about it. So, when I now say to myself that I am not in the mood to do anything, I simply don't do anything. I will never sit through a movie I do not want to see and I will never tell a woman that I am not in the mood to do anything. These may seem like small things, but they are not. They are big things and are the design of our inner well being. We associate one thing with another automatically. I want nice associations filled with chewy chunks rather than filtered funks.

memory

The drawback to memory are the many false comparisons that get made when one thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other. Like computer chips and hardware there comes a time when the need becomes lower and lower for that product. When we compare, for example, the political structure now to the 1960's we can see similarities but nothing more. Memory prevents change in any way it can. This is why things in media last forever inside our minds keeping us at bay with little if anything to say. We are trapped inside ourselves and need media now. If we don't have it, we become lost and really pissed of. So now there becomes, as has always been, a need for media to the point that without it I am completely and utterly lost. Why? Because every time, if memory serves me correctly, that the power has gone out because of a wreck or the weather, and the power goes out, there are people in the street rolling out of their houses with flashlights and candles talking out loud about how shitty life is. This conditioning has made us weak to think that without media we are lost forever.

wce

World-class effort requires world-class accommodations. An effort made through a half-hearted array of misconceptions and deceitful practices; both within the self and outside the self, requires not only more effort and time, but also more brain time away from the desired activity that has been understood and accepted as the best way to achieve whatever goal is on the table. Effort is not the means to an end, it is the mechanism through which the means needs to function. Means is human, effort is not. Effort is driven by the soul that answers to one cause, one desire, and one dream that must eventually rise out of all our delusional states.

falsities daily

Is there such a thing as an overactive imagination, one that completely disregards reality in all its forms and capacities? Reality is itself fiction so the answer to that question is no. But it is not that simple is it? It rarely is. Reality can be just as real as the sharpest of dreams if the plan is to see it first with your imagination. Imagination is the starting point to progress. Without imagination there would be nothing now and nothing in the future.
Those who say that you have an overactive imagination need to look at themselves and how they present themselves in the eyes of other people each day. It takes imagination for any actor to present themselves on the social stage. This is always done through the eyes of other people. One could argue a case of insanity in all of us for this type of working imagination; especially since it is a perceived requirement before leaving the house out into the social world of complete and utter plasticity and flacid promises never kept. An overactive imagination is all anybody has because none of us are truely happy or satisfied; God forbid! 98.2 LLc

you are

I have these words to keep me going when the days become long and the burden becomes strong; bearing down on me with the weight of time itself.

There is the road with its beginning, and the view is cluttered. What is seen comes to view like a spectacle of lights and sounds that are sometimes frightening. It is magnificent and true and it is all for you. It is the beginning of a neverending series of experiences that will establish a place along that road, and in this world, that is synonymous with your struggle and it will be known that you were here and made the best of it-and succeeded. 98.2 LLc

interesting

Not too long ago a book was found in an abandoned house. It was tucked away inside an old chest found in a hallway that looked better than it should have considering its obvious age. It was elegantly dressed with fine cloth and not a nick on the entire piece. It was magnificly stained in red as if it was mixed with the blood of a man passionately involved in his craft. Inside was an envelop containing various letters and cards that were as elegantly preserved as the vessel itself. One note in particular, scratched on a small scrap of paper struck me as I rummaged through all the wordings like a hungry rat. It was a short note that made me understand more fully what it means to feel strongly about another person. It read something like:

I was laying in bed all night last night with a heavy load upon my eye lids that squeezed tears down my face thinking about you and how much I miss you being next to me. I layed awake all night with a heavy heart keeping me way down at the bottom of a deep dark place filled with memories of what it was like to be alone. Since you came into my life, I have been a better man than I was before. I wish I had more time on this day to tell you more about my love for you but we are leaving early. I am broken inside but knowing you are there makes me feel strong enough to bear the burden and meet the task. Through you I constantly remind myself of the goodness in people. You are the best example a man could have. Missing you, your friend Michael.

I just thought I would share this. Later! LLc 98.2

I wonder how many good and decent men and women have been lost to history due to the color of their skin. I wonder how many men and women stole from these good people and called whatever they took they're own. Ideas and philosophies have been lost and cheated upon by the stigma of racist beliefs. From this fact, we all have lost ground in the grand scheme of our inevitable march. There is a solution however, and it lies in the research process. By digging and digging into the past lives of forgotten people we can better learn the truth about things that occurred which have layed the framework for our lives now. From this information gathering we can allow the past lives of men and women to shine so we can bring them alive again in the minds eye. From there we can allow the past to truthfully infiltrate our lives to make a positive contribution to all those who should do the same in the future. This is learning, this is fair, and this is life.

T

Timing and fate are two things that drive the world. Decisions are then made based on these things, whatever they may be. Control, that is for children. If control is what you seek, then you will surely be disappointed in the outcome. There are simply too many variables in the world to have any form of control. Laws try to control, but those who make the laws break the laws. Do they all break them? Yes, in one way or the other, they all do. In reality, our social world is fabricated on decisions and laws made after the fact. It is juvenile to think that laws will prevent anything. We all speed, most of us have drank and drove a vehicle, some people have done a significant amount of drugs; other people have found food, gambling, sex, alcohol (America's number one thing), and many other types of temporary bandaids to get them through. The bottom line is that timing and fate are all we have and these two things occur everyday. But we often restrain ourselves due to inner social pressure until the one day when we say fuck it and actually begin to live free to make mistake after mistake. Not because we want to, but because that is what is required when fate and timing are in play during any given situation or investigation

good v bad by design

I guess we all want to be bad; if for nothing else but to try it out and see what comes from it. Many who choose one form of bad or the other eventually find their time is short and all the badness they have done amounts to nothing. In the grand scheme of things there is no difference between what is bad and what is good. In the adult world, what is considered bad is often blurry just like any act that is considered good. Those who choose to live the good life and play by the rules will surely be compensated in the other life. These people choose faith over opulence yet they are separated not by this faith, but by their willingness to live inside the safety and comfort of their own personal bubble which is separate from what is happening in the real world.
Badness has many flavors and justifications, goodness does as well. There is no all good and there is no all bad. There is only our short time here to develop strategies for coping in an often unbalanced life filled with anger and hostility. Being bad has merit because there can be no good without it. The Utopian society can never exist because of this dichotomy, especially within our social frame now. In order to become whole on the inside and out we need to explore and never be content. If that means being bad, so be it. If that means being good and looking good in the eyes of other people, then so be that. The good life is not measured by social networks or expectations of any kind; those things belong to the facade we take on to hide our true desire to be who we are and what we are. Many times what we see and believe in others is completely false. Other times what we see is what we get. In either case, what we see could be perceived to be bad, but in actuality that perception may be based not on the truth of the matter or person, but on the facade that has been designed and layed out over years and years of practice and design. LLc 98.2

everyday in everyway

These days it's hard to tell if were coming or going. Five O clock rolls around and boom were off to the fucking races on our way home to booze, drugs of some kind, food in mass quantities, or some other fucking thing; TV or some shit! Needless to say it is killing us and were doing it in jobs we hate for shit dog money, all so we can afford to buy more shit we can;t afford and probably shouldn't have in the first place. But this is our nature. It is our nature to be morons. Look where we came from in comparison to where we are now. We have gone from rock chippers to reflector wearing speckles with wheels on our shoes. We have more bad movies than ever before since Hollywood's inception and still people flock in droves to the flickers to see the same actors making asses of themselves. I went to the grocery store and once again fell victim to the magazine spreads with Jennifer and Brad and Angela and actually felt bad for these people. Look at what they do for a living. Get over yourself, all the quality actors are dead! But then again, the social world is full of actors. So I guess in that regard those who waist their money on movies might be better off just paying attention to the free entertainment that comes with the everyday in every way.

separation of sameness

There are so many fascinating things in this world and they are all right outside our doors. It's not just the people and things, it's the feelings and almost spacial reciprocity that binds us all apart. This separation of sameness allows us to grow without the cool running water that is always available to us when we need it. We should be bathing in it everyday as if it were air. It should be as natural a function to bath in those waters as it is for us to feel discontented everyday whether it be our jobs, our families, or our lives in general. You see, there is no key to our places and our spots inside those places because they are ours alone. To become fully content is the same as being fully dead inside with no vision for the future other than the inevitable demise we all must ponder.
If it is new they say, it will take some getting used to. Once we stop saying that shit maybe we can finally bind ourselves up inside and around and all over this whole fucking planet man and make a really cool difference in people's lives. Once we abandon those little chicken shit sayings thought of years ago when times really sucked. Once we become socialized to new ideas and perspectives and stop counting on what we learned as kids, then maybe, just maybe we can finally arrive at the same conclusion in all our disillusions. LLc 98.2

We're all afraid of the same things, some of us just choose to hide those fears differently. But beyond our facades and presentations we reveal the real truth about how we feel not only about our life position, but also about the mistakes we have made along the way. For most of us the mistakes have been many. Through it all though we manage to still come up with the same fears that have plagued us from the beginning.
Yes our childhood is all around who we are now. What we have done to this point or that point in our adulthood can be traced back to our childhood expectations; not in so much of an occupational bucket but in more of an attitudinal sphere. Those who have managed to maintain the same enthusiasm for life as they did in childhood are either presumed crazy and successful or just plain crazy. Either way, a win is a win baby. There is no need to run from fear because fear is a good thing, a human thing, a normal thing. I just wish there was not so much of it. Maybe in time we will find a way to display the kind of enthusiasm we had when we were kids.

satelite of D

It is not possible to paint a picture and place yourself in it. The colors never match and the paint is always wet and moving. The pleasure of the piece gets taken away by wear as the colors get sucked from their original source; the negative energy; the satelite of destruction always becomes the primary. The picture must be painted in such a way as to encompass sweat and tears with years and years of trial and error. This cannot be done with any real success other than simple time and realization mixed with the knowledge that we are destined to be exactly and precisely either a success in the social context or a success in the private context. There is no both. What is success anyway? Who decides? I saw a beautiful woman working at a department store. She was altered by a disease. She was shy about it. She need not be around me, I have good satelites anyone can see. My picture is ongoing yet sporadic. There can be no other way.

the temporary state

Whenever possible, one should witness an individual who acts in the world free from the bindings of the world and does so without this knowledge himself. See how he functions in his world and see how that style relates to the social world. Next, ask yourself how important it is to function in the social world and is it necessary to be conscious of it in order to function in it. An individual who has sense can function anywhere. That is not the issue. The issue is not that of functionality. What is at issue here is appearance versus reality and the distance between the two. The subject matter lies in the gap between what is real and true and what is false, acted, and plastic.
Witness an individual who seeks no fortune or form of manipulation. You will not see this man because he will be in the dark corners at night in the mini-malls starving and freezing. He lives among us all. For some of us, we see these people and wonder what it would be like to be free; even though that is not free. They are free in that they are no longer so accepting of having to do the type of work anybody can do making the type of money a monkey could make. For still others of us there is a feeling of disconnection with the social world and all its actors. For these people who sit high atop the fence, there is no need to hustle and bustle to work when work holds no real social value with no real opportunities for social mobility. Being broke is real and true, buying shit you don't need for any other reason than to look good is not. The only relationship between the two is that they are both temporary.

deduction

I think about the songs that have given me great pleasure over the years. I think about them when I am high and I think about them when I am low. There is a song for every occasion and that is as it should be. Music has allowed us to forgive ourselves and make us realize and remember that we are all temporary. There is a need for creativity through music because it does draw upon the nicest of dreams as well as the funkiest of desires. Good music takes raw emotion and puts a beat to it so we can rhythmically remind ourselves that there is pleasure in life and it often comes in bundles like presents or wood. Even when there is no noise, no music, and no real desire to hear anything, there will always be room for at least one song to calm our nerves and drive our senses. By the same token, songs bring about the dark side of our lives which can envelop us just as easily as anything. Even here there is value in song because from here real emotions are free to play on us. This is the struggle we are faced with: the sanctity of dreams and the loss of them simultaneously.

i'm tired

I was in the grocery store earlier today and knew right away there was going to be a problem. As I arrived at the front approx. fifty feet away from the front door I noticed a slow moving couple, well dressed and strutting, just ahead of me and coming from the west. Well, I could not be rude and run just to get in front of them. I had to remain calm and allow them to enter the store as the dynamic couple they obviously were. I knew that no matter where I went once I got in the store that this couple was going to be in front of me taking up the entire fucking aisle. Well, sure enough, as I rounded around the first corner there they were checking out the chips; as if she needed them. I abandoned the notion of chip retrieval and moved on to the frozen foods at the back of the store. I needed some cool whip anyway. I rounded the very back corner of the store, cool whip in hand, and boom there they were getting some ice cream taking up the entire aisle. Well, I had to get some soda and cookies and I knew I had to haul ass. So i quickly grabbed a two-litre bottle, the cookies, a loaf of bread, and a pack of smokes. The lines were long so I went ahead and left the line for the residual check out at the front of the store and yes indeedy there they were holding up the entire fucking universe with a question about some pies and shit. All I wanted to do really was get some soda and cookies, and now I am in a struggle for my very sanity. I had visions of every horrible thing imaginable to happen to this couple. They just seemed like space takers who were looking to make their presence know throughout the world. By this time I had spent far too long in the store dealing with these two to just quit now. I was in it for the long haul baby. I was now watching the clock. i'm tired.

slow moving

Gypsies created this country. If you don't think so, you better read somewhere the truth. Imagine for a moment that you hate where you live. You then get on a boat and bare the ocean currents for days on end with bad food and no waste management. You arrive in a whole new place and then proceed to find new and interesting ways to kill the locals because you are right and they are wrong. If that is not an example of what can happen when panic, humanity, greed, or whatever you want to call it; gypsy revolution, whatever, then I don't know what is. The point is that every new thing is sloppy and difficult to bear. When we see gypsies these days we see people who look just like us and have a value system that may be better than ours, but they don't hurt anyone. They just have a different way of doing things.
There are no more territories to conquer. There are no more people to massacre. The only thing we have now is people who deliver a different perspective and act upon it. Gypsies move around a lot because staying in one place for very long means to indulge in the friction that social life inevitably brings. The gypsy does not run from life, the gypsy indulges in it free from the poison that permeates everything. They experience where others talk about. They have knowledge where others read about. The gypsy is the last real American. The rest of us, well, we are part of the systematic destruction of anything new.

no procedure

Once we get caught up in procedure and status, we forget about the fruit we left outside on the porch. Soon the fruit turns and the ants all get hammered on us. After a time, the ants will wake pissed and require even more munchies. Except this time they will be munching on your ass instead of some old dried fruit. You see, education has too many upper-level managers with ideas they believe are in the best interest of the largest number of kids. Well, that's silly! There are far too many variables in life to implement a "one" kind of education. First and foremost, there needs to be an equal distribution of wealth that goes across district boundaries. Obviously the tax base of one community cannot be as large or small as that of another. Now that is just the way it is. By making available the same hard and software to every school, kids will have opportunities to seek out and fulfill their dreams which need to be built on a foundation that has within its contents the creative materials necessary to facilitate the widest possible base of opportunities for each child. This will create a competition among students from various backgrounds to broaden the horizons of not just one community, but all communities in this country. We need a redistribution of wealth that keeps the promises that current upper-management cannot keep. Education is not a status thing to be abused by over-educated idealistic types. If they want to do something they can write a book. Education is about creativity through the socialization process that harbors the artful and conscious design of a landscape thick with the passions of people that bring about real and progressive change that benefits everyone, not just one group over another specifically.

sterility

I used to think weird people were attention getter's and nothing more. Then again, it is only newsworthy if it is different. However, one could argue that there is more devastation now than ever before in the news and media in general. This fact makes the level of weirdness jump a few notches to a level that is forever expanding to include not only violence, cursing and shit, nudity, drug abuse; and the list just goes on and on. We need weird people now more than ever before. They are the balance to the imbalance; the wind on a static day; the lit moon on a starless night. The weird and the strange should be celebrated. Not like the old days with the traveling circus; although those had to be some pretty cool days. The weird should be incorporated into our daily lives. They should help people see the difference between the real and unreal by shining lights on the sterility of it all and throwing some mud on that shit. LLC 98.2

grey sucks

Something about grey, rainy days that bring the hammer down on me. There is so little to do; not that I ever did much anyway. I could go bowling I suppose, but that would require me to put on and then take off then put on again, a lot of clothes just to participate in an overpriced and worthless game that has brought me more sorrow than cheer. I could stay indoors and wish the grey away. Maybe that way I can bring out the sun so I could walk about through all the muddles. I hate grey days because it closes the doors of my perception and weakens me to the point of slumber.

artful deception

What is real is the art of deception that meanders like a snake through, in, and around every facet of our social world. Clogged with words that mean one thing but always represent another; the simple fuel that leads the masses astray, our society has become predictable and complacent. Anything new is immedately shut down and criticised for its existence. The art of deception requires but one thing, it needs to have vulnerability. The media provides this vulnerability by telling us what we don't have, what we should have, and why we need these things. We are told what we are without giving any other notion even a simple second thought. Because we are so dependant upon what we need to hear, we have failed in our original intention to become guided by the idea that anything is possible. Deception has disabled us from ourselves and turned us into a stack of cows that feed upon one another because all the grass in the field is chewed up and manufactured out. What is left is the stripped bones of fallen ideas and dreams. Deception is more real than anything because we live by it, more so than the truth of the matter. LLC 98.2

reality of unreality

The reality is there is no reality. There is no social hierarchy to die for or compare oneself to. This is a fabrication put together long ago by non-elegant smart ass white people. It is the same these days, as in those days, with art. The reality, if there must be one, is that there are more people in jail, therapy, and dead because of this makeshift real world we live in. We have more divorce, more discourse, and more all around unhappiness than ever before; with the exception of war, world-wide disease or famine, or anything else that man can provide. All one has to do is think for a moment about how long we have here and where we stand on the timeline of life. Our reality, the only one that matters, is the one inside our minds as it relates to real life situations. By that I mean we shouldn't stray too far away from the reality of our unrealities.

no control

How do we find control in a world that is out of control? Look at listen and what you see and hear each day. It will not be long before there are remote controlled advertisements that will then manifest into programmed flying zeppelin-like machines that dangle neon messages about ways to save money by spending it on their products. None of this makes any sense yet we can do nothing about it. This is a living, breathing thing that was set loose many moons ago by a single idea. Now look at us. Look at what we have become.
We seek control in an out of control world because we all need to feel like we have control over something at least. I know a young lady who is more clueless than most people. However, she is content in her cluelessness because in her mind her two kids are in her control. So at least, in her mind, she has some control over something. All other decisions are made for her and not by her except with the kids. She has now transformed herself from citizen to mother. She will bring her kids up blaming everyone else. This cycle is what makes society weak and complacent, reliant on information that comes through media which is always questionable and usually out of control.

waiting for a ghost

I wish you were here. I really really do. I know your out there somewhere and you are thinking about me. You may even be in a relationship with someone and think of me every day; I used to be that way. But now I think about you often enough I guess to keep me going. It is the one thing, the one dream I have that if actualized I would not know what to do. I do know this much however, if I finally got with you and we became close, everything else from that point forward would be more tolerable. As it stands now I am alone like most people, and I am afraid of what could happen if I try and find you. At this point fate does not seem to be working out. But still I wait for you smile and your touch. I wait for the cool nights when I can lay next to you and sleep like a baby. I wait for nights when I can rub your back and kiss the back of your neck. I am waiting for a ghost.

no static

It is our dreams that give us the strength to get out of bed in the morning. It is a change of circumstance that prevents the dreams from happening because we are afraid to leave what we have now even though, if your me, we don't have much to lose. It is easy to say they can have everything because it can all be replaced. But what about how it would look in the eyes of other people? This is really all we concern ourselves with and we really need to get away from that frame of mind. It is like a spinning wheel that always stops on the same number and with every spin comes a new shade of grey upon our heads. Keep dreaming, but we also need to activate different circumstances in order to not become static.

money all about

I saw a peace sign on the back of a car today. It is symbolic of an individuals belief in non-violence and "No War". As if History does not prove that no violence and no war should never happen. Of course it should never happen. Of course war is bad and hurtful. But being a lover of peace and placing little peace signs on your car will never make your dream of non-violence and no war possible. You will still be the same idealistic bubble liver who dreams in one world but lives in another. The human race is anything but peaceful but nickels and dimes will always be made on the sale of trinkets that symbolize a utopian society free from reliance on other countries. After all it is really all about money, isn't it?

always have been

Shield the rain that inevitably comes from your ducts no longer. Holding back these kind of emotions means the manifestation of a new habit built upon another. This will continue until you have a monument of you built up so high it would take twice as long to break it apart. The problem with that is the monument of yourself is nowhere near the real you. It is a representation of one thing built upon another and it is all based, at least in part, on a lack of ability to release emotions in tear form. This would be especially helpful for all people as it is not gender specific. We just get caught up sometimes and forget just how strong and valuable we all are. Let the salt flow in public or private and laugh a little. These two things will generate a fresh outlook that will remind you of the person you always have been but forgot about.

suffering commercially

Commercials made up by people in ad agencies, shoveled through the media, bought and paid for by fat cats in their desire to create more revenue for their companies, really do have an effect on all of us. Ads are so pervasive these days that we do not have to be conscious of them all to get what they are selling. Our brains pick up everything and we remember the colors in the ads on the highways just as easily as we remember the bearded guy who sells orange clean between 2 and 7 in the morning. I even have some of that shit myself. It smells like warm, oily oranges simmering on a stove way up high in the mountains. No walls, no cabin; just a stove in the woods next to a really big tree filled with chiggers and mites. Commercials and media ruins people for generations as the successful adman buys yet another shiny new thing to display his power. Meanwhile, people in society actually believe their bullshit. We all suffer in our beliefs.

stirefoam

It was a remarkable sight and it took breathe away from the deepest part of me. In her every move was an elegance, a confidence in stride that turned my silly side on a slippery slope. Every thought in my head was lustful. I wanted her in my mouth and all over me and everywhere else. But then I remembered how it is not good to feel a physical attraction toward women; especially beautiful, sexy, stunningly outstanding possessing an overall oneness with God and nature, type woman. However, After some thought I began to reflect on the Bible and all the murder, lust, and deceitful practices that are present within the text. No matter what happens, there will still always be a genuine need for stirefoam.

free

Take loose of the stigma and act accordingly, but only for a short time longer. The life plans are kept secret inside and are for nobody's ears but yours and mine. Take the seeds and let them feed from rays of light until they bloom with colors bright. Take loose of the stigma that was planted inside by someone other than yourself and watch it tear off in search of another person to latch on to. Take the bag of rocks and put it down. On top of the bag lay your gloves. After a few seconds, when habit wants you to put those gloves back on, just stop and look at the bag your past; appreciate it, then move on. That portion is now gone forever so you are now free to persue other endeavors.

expectation zone

Often our expectations meet with reality and we find these two ideals to be completely opposite of one another. We sometimes forget that the inner utopian existence must always remain on the inside far removed from the exterior. If you strike gold and have a feeling that what you are experiencing right now resembles that of the utopian spectacle, then you must keep that feeling to yourself and never tell a soul. This must be done because it is impossible to show the elation of a dream fulfilled. Expectations and realities are two different concepts. Why? Because expectations cannot include the feelings, reasonings, and plausabilities that must preclude any realization because before any realization can be made it must be done in a specific context and in a specific situation. One never knows the things leading up to the utopian existence because people think too much in the end capacity while paying little attention to the required details. All the flavor is in the details. The details are in reality while expectations focus more on the result. There is a hell of a lot of space inbetween these two very different concepts which leave the depression door ajar so we can slither inside; to be free of reality in the expectation zone.

sophisticated ride

It was quite a ride, that silence, that solice. The multitude of fascinations and inclinations that have came across my path have been numerous to this point. I am overwhelmed at times and in need of a faithful servant, a lover, a friend. In my alone time I have learned to take down the wall that has been so pervasive in my every thought and encounter. But still I harbor that everpresent armor that we all try so hard to hide from time to time. This is not a weakness of character, it is but one small part of a most significant ride. LLC

no bs man

I seek my even flow from the waters that never vary in strength or consistency. They run smooth and crisp while cutting through the meadows that are packed with pine trees like crayons in the box. I feel too much here and the words drive me mad. The cars, the noise, the way people are and act; this is all so far removed from our practice. When we were younger we role played visciously. That was us kids creating our behavior; the scrappy kind amongst others cubs like us. That was our practice. We get older and lose our play and exchange it for conformity so we can get grey and die unhappy as the kids piss all the money away while claiming they actually earned it only to wind up pulling doubles at Leroy's Big Mouth Burger while harboring a meth addiction and an affinity for schnapps, imported beer, and cam nons. Yes, an even flow is what I seek. The kind that is free from any and all bullshit! But hey, is that really possible?

striking somewhat

In our consciousness we endeavor the best they can see. We seek the approval of those who we admire even if we don't even know them or have nay reason to trust them. We do this in the hope of self improvement and material gain; not to mention the social standing and responsibility that comes with these roles. What is unexpected is coming to grips with the knowledge that those you once thought to be your friends are actually not as close as you would have liked. That said it is the number one most important thing to become involved in persuits that are relevant only to you. Balance comes when you learn how to treat people along the way by remaining leary of those who strike a pose at every chance they see a reflection of themselves; to check themselves and make sure their presentation is somewhat striking and individualistic.

a one thing

We often hear people talk about children and people and their value in society. We hear these things and let it go as part of some inclination of speech; some ready made answer that looks and feels good when it's said. This is a shared value that has no real value, but it feels good to say and it looks good as well. Often times people say these things and spur a desire in others to help someone in need. Sometimes people make sacrifices for other people by doing one thing. Just think if we could all take the time to do a "one thing".
It is karma to do things for other people. There need not be a financial link. Sometimes a few words of encouragement is all it takes to make the day of another person just a little bit better. From cultivated roots come blooming flowers of brightness that bring smiles to the faces of all people. From concerned care comes light even on the darkest nights. When it comes to children, who often have to grow up too fast, they just need an ear to hear their fears; someone to let them know they are not alone. Children need to know their ideas and dreams have just as much value as those who have the opportunities to be heard. From a positive place of encouragement must come the type of human reinforcement that is necessary for a young person to flourish. From that place comes a unified effort mixed with responsibility and caring that brings forth real justice; the kind that knows no boundaries.

procedure

Procedure steals away creativity and forward motion. Procedure is put in place by people who want to hold their positions through various methods of hiding on paper the inside truth. Procedure holds up the natural inclination of a society and its people to grow even in times of crisis. Once you get locked in to procedure, you can forget about the child inside who once relied on procedure as a means of keeping the folks off your back but would break at any chance to defy that procedure with a plethora of excuses at the ready. Once you lose the desire to break free from the bonds of procedure, you enter the realm of the adult, the sublime and the predictable. From that place you will naturally become bitter, closed off, anxious and frustrated at the notion of having to live out the remainder of your life doing things that are irritating to you. Procedure has its place and it is valuable, but if it permeates your every moment, then how can anything at all be enjoyed? Only interesting things happen in the unexpected consequences of an action. What is unforseen is most desirable in its effects. LLC

one good thing

There can be no shame in the failure of a man who fails in his quest for the ultimate point of contact; the ultimate representation of humanness and compassion, and his desire to seek not the end of the course but the beginning of a spacial divide between what once was and what can possibly be. This transformation however must occur as not a representation of reality; an acting gig, but a stance on one good thing that brings all the necessary liquids to the fire only to be used when the desire becomes too much to bear. He who fails in this type of persuit is more so a winner than the ones who prefer to age without reason and persist without cause. They make you scared of trying because that fear is what they all have in common. To break away from such a consistent pattern would simply look bad in the eyes of the others who lead by design and follow without question. They took their creative and passionate sides and put them away in a box somewhere long ago. Get rid of the box and you will have no place to put your dreams but in your future. I will fail at that effort, everyday! LLC

bear, blanket and Bible

It just didn't feel right. She seemed funny to me, as if she were hiding a deeper more complex self; one that might have been, or may be still, worth further investigation. So I put her in the files and continue on forward. Not a month later we cross paths again and still I felt like there was something else about this person that was not quite right. I fear she had a secret. I fear that if I find out what that secret is, it would not be such a good thing. I think to myself upon her walking towards me,"You know large guy, if the world were covered in wax, where would the candles go?" She told me she was moving to Texas with her new love. She seemed excited about the move. I know she has a shoe fetish, and the shoes she was wearing were fresh off the factory floor damp with the sweat of young people's brows. She told me about her fresh catch and how much money he makes. I almost puked! This is a woman who talks one minte about the beauty of Jesus and on the way home from church she hits the honey bear pipe followed by a some Seagrams 7 while driving to her next appointment where she will be having champagne with brunch to be followed closely thereafter by drinks and chinese for lunch then finally home to her bear, blanket and Bible. Sweet dreams my dear.

good from stinky

I was playing golf the other day. It was a cool day but I managed to maintain a more than regular amount of sweatiness and overall swampiness that made me feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. On hole 2 for instance, as I bent over to pick the ball out of the hole; a birdie by the way, I caught a whiff of my swampy ass and almost passed out myself. Now I had to make a decision. Hole 3 is sort of close to the john. But if I left after making a good birdie it might disrupt any kind of momentum that could be on the verge of exploding. Was it worth it? You bet it was. I hauled ass to the john where there was no toilet paper. Now I am just pissed! So I pull up and walk calmly in the dining area to grab a few napkins. I walk back and both stalls are taken. Little do these assholes know they will be using their hands. I wait patiently for the self realized bad news. Their discontent was obvious as their interpretations of the English language showed no barriers. Well, I started laughing my ass off out in the hall just outside the tiny bathroom and proceeded to shit my shorts a little. You know, just a little dab l do ya type of thing. Laughing still while holding back the oncoming barrage, I walk slowly to number ten tee waiting for these two jokers to leave for the diner. They come out and I go in quickly to clean myself up. My cell rings and the bastards I am playing with are on 3 green. I quickly hop in the cart and head for the tee. I get there and realize I forgot my glove on the counter in the diner. I head back for it and the phone rings again. They just finished 3 and were on 4 tee. I told them what I was doing and asked them to chill out. Well, they told me to go screw myself. I grab a pepsi, a Grandma's cookie, my glove, and I head for 3 tee. I rip one down the middle and birdied the hole. I caught them in 4 fairway. They each made 5 on the par 5. I made a 4. The moral is that even in the poopiest of pants; even when times are particularly stinky and unfresh, there can be justice and harmony.

mine and ours

My deep and dark follower shows me things about people and their hiding places. He shows me where the keys are. For him it is a matter of words alone. Winding the clock of another is his way of showing affection. He teaches others different things; things about particular likes and dislikes in other people. How does he do this? How does he show them how this is done? He uses the very same thing on them as he does the rest of us. He uses television. Through television even the youngest child can learn the art of manipulation. Over time that child can position him or her self in the highest faculty or the lowest capacity and still find ways to manipulate something to their advantage.
My deep dark follower does not only follow me, he pervades every sense man can have and he will use any means necessary to finalize his dream. Manipulation is an art form that requires not a good deal of common sense or rationality. The only requirement is the abandonment of hope and a complete disregard for what truely brings you happiness. These days it is a rare one who knows that which brings them joy and actually gets to experience that joy on a daily basis. If you find a chance to be around someone who does this, watch them, listen to what they have to say. See if it applies to your everyday. 98.2 LLC

screwed

There are times when reflection gets the better of us. There are times when we think too much and get it our own way. We repeat the same theme throughout our minds making it difficult to focus on any one task. Even if we do some task really well, there are times when we cannot enjoy the delightful rewards. Maybe it is intentional and habitual to not enjoy. Maybe there is some cheap thrill attached to sadness and despair. If that is the case, then we got screwed; or I did at least.

told that way

What is known changes in both format and form. The only consistent thing in reality is change. Everything else is temporary and should be considered in that way. If understanding is what you desire, you will be serching for a long time. At the end of that road is a load, a real load I tell you. Maybe it is best to wear a pair of roller skates and glide through as if there was no worry about anything. I guess in reality there is nothing that can be done to deter the spectacular people from making spectacles of themselves at our expense. They do what they do for money and exposure. We do what we do because we are told such.

work in progress

What lies within the natural world is both determined and creative. The determined side is nothing more than what is given without human intervention. These things are what they are because, hey, they exist, they are there, so get over it already. The creative side is taking the already existing parts, for whatever reason they are there to begin with, and turning them into something usefull, or artsy, or to just do something. Sometimes, when we just sit down and think about things, there are small openings in the universal spectrum. They are just wide enough to sneak a quick peek at things.
The natural world is the largest art project in the history of our universe. It is an ongoing and creative process. The individual man pales in comparison to the sheer magnitude of it all. As parts of the universe die while other parts are born, so too does man. Therefore, man is an ongoing art project that it is constant flux.

shit all over

Remember, if it's fluffy, it's probably stinky. These are the words that came from the mouth of the mountain man who had been in the wilderness for quite some time. I thought about that statement for a while and drew some parallels to those of us stranded in this, our social hell-hole. I came to reason that the old man was right in more ways than one. It is true that if one's hair is made to look like a hive for bee's, and there is enough make-up on the face to pass for a beginner in clown college, then it would be safe to say that every word coming from that person's mouth will have a hidden value attached that is often unseen and rarely revealed. In the sense of stinkiness, it could be argued that that person is a stinky and fluffy person because the words roll from a mouth on a face that has hair and make-up and shit all over the place. LLC

disease to please

It is our disease to please the one entity that matters most. It is our fault that we forget to please ourselves while were are busy trying to make everyone else's world groovy. We often try and visualize what their world is like and try to make it better somehow. During this process we forget about the number one rule. We forget that if we first do not know what is valuable to us; what pleases us; what makes us full inside, then everything after that point can only be partially pleasing no matter how big our smiles seem to be or how people take our nuanced glances that resemble a robot-like predictability that hides a deep sadness. This is when we run to the store and grab a large bottle of gin and some tonic water with 3 limes and just park it, alone, far away from anything real. 98.2

bastards

If being organized is having no regard for other people in the persuit of happiness, then that is one road that needs to remain free of traffic. Screw those people who said they struggled to get where they are. Those people suck! Everyone needs a boost from someone else; that's the way it is supposed to work. Not only is it good Karma, it just feels good all over; like a soothing lather all over your body; one that cools the skin and opens doors so all the anxiety can go out; letting in all the love humanity is capable of. I would rather be dipped in shit than make another person feel bad; with a few exceptions of course. Some people do just suck. Some people will suck the force right from your soul depleting it of all opportunity of regeneration without signing a five year contract to shovel shit in the Arizona desert. I believe you know some of these bastards.

the flawed everything

It wasn't the idea itself, that was a good one. No, it was the perpetrator of the idea that made everyone want to vomit. We knew that this person would be a not so humble human being with such newly granted power. We knew this new found element would set things in motion that would ultimately harm the lot of us. I think the process of selection is itself flawed. The way in which it is determined that such and such should have this and this is purely subjective in nature. If there is an object, I can't find it. We can sling ideas around all day long. We can chit and chat about the flawed everything and still get older and become frail as the new generation takes the reigns of predetermined determination. Give someone power and watch him anesthetize himself within herself.

get to know

Never take the time in life to fear the unknown. It is a constant that cannot be speculated upon by even the most studious of students. The unknown is a vast cavern, an empty vessel. It is wider than our imaginations and it is more relevant than we could possibly conceive. The unknown is left to the spectators who view from on high. They have no control and never wanted it. From their eyes, we all look silly; spinning around and being critical of one another when in fact we need to be less critical and more universally loving to those we do not understand. It is people that make up our world and there are planty of them. Each group has a two-fold purpose: First, they must get to know a new culture and second, they must maintain their own culture. We must not be afraid of the unknown, we must embrace it and cherish it in order to understand it. Let us get through our critical selves before we try and understand the unknowable. 98.2

coming to be

We borrow from the times and we weave new patterns that signify our time now. The fabric may be the same, but the salt content of each design is dramatically less. This is significant because without the necessary heart that goes into real creation there is a lack of meaning even in its usefullness. Our time now is significant in many ways; the difference is our pulse is weaker now than at any other time and it is only going to get worse. This is not anyone's fault in particular. It is the result of itself.
New times are coming with no fabric from which to load and retrieve from little boxes and bags. No examples can be followed or referred to in the coming times of discontent. But there will be one emerging presence. Through him all good things will be coming even though the process was set in motion long ago by very different people. Timing is everything someone said, and we will see just how true those words come to be in the not too distant future.

time structure

We want to graze in the green pastures and ponder the meaning of life. In so doing, we can set ourselves up for a plethora of issues ranging from the real and distinctly uncomfortable to the unreal; which can be the most unusual and horrific experience we could have. The in between stuff is just window dressing for the viewing pleasure of other people.
Actors we all are, falling away from ourselves deep inside the meandering flux of social life with all its discrepancies and falsities. We lose ourselves in our roles; if we are active. If we are not active we have shut down the process so our age can come quicker. Then we can buy the crap they say we need. This cycle is hard on us. It makes good and decent people feel insignificant inside. If only people knew that there are many who feel the same way once those hard layers of socialness get peeled away; with those deep and dark feelings that form the base of our huge towers of structured time being the last to go.
We should graze in the green pastures. We should ponder the big questions. If for nothing else than to take time away from our daily constraints and binding thoughts of reciprocation. We should never deny the way our feelings present themselves. There is value after all in how dreams and perceptions formulate.

movement

I once allowed myself to be taken in by the desirous ones who believed more in their way than any other. I recently heard a conversation between a group of 7 women who were talking about ways of keeping an eye on their men; and they were laughing about it. They viewed their men as pieces of property who are employable and trainable. I looked and listen to this shit and confirmed my suspicions about the real reason behind landing a fish. It was to train him, own him, and make him jump through flaming hoops so that he may one day see the errors in his ways and take heed to the noticable improvements in himself since he met the one who was talking at that particular stretch in time; while the other 6 ladies were doing the same fucking thing. Finally, after about 30 seconds of listening to all these lies and posturing bullshit, I had to inject some semen into the conversation. 2 nobody's surprize, they gave me only a single glance as if I were nothing more than a man who needed fixing. I am a firm believer that women want to fix that which is broken, but the long-term ways will never suffice and that which is perceived to be broken may in actuality be fully functional within the context of reason. I saw no real reasoning in these 7 women, I saw anxiousness mixed with fear. I saw pain mixed in with those subtle smiles. I saw frustration peeping through the cracks in their communication; not by their constant chitter-chatter, but through their movements and eyes.

they think maybe

My time there was distinctive. There was a feeling there that opened passage-ways, ways that allowed views of the wandering ones who remain exiled for their spiritedness. They were like children playing crude games. Because it was all inside, nobody could understand. I could not talk about it. I could not bring anything up in regular conversations with trusted friends. It had to remain mine. What occured on that property will never leave me. The things I saw were terrifying yet somehow I feel better knowing that my experiences in that place, at that place, among those exiled souls, allowed me to see clear distinctions between those who are believers in something and those who just think they are.

experience experience

The ancients believed in the stars and saw things in them that still exist today. The connections they made with the universe around them were incredible. Think for a moment what it must have been like to witness the explosiveness of it all. In those days there had to be a much clearer view of the universe. The ancients were also pretty tuned in to the idea of radio frequencies as well. They often built fires and danced stirring electric clouds of passion in its excited state. They actually opened portals that allowed them to view certain future events. Science has dismissed these claims for the most part-as science tends to do. But the fact is one must be open to experience experience in order to have experiences that are memorable enough to laugh about later.LLC 98.2

BALLS!

I used to sit alone in my room and have the most magnificent dreams come rolling through my head. Each dream would have at its core my backyard. In those days I had a backyard that was like a baseball stadium. Everyday in the summertime was like the World Series. I had, and still do, every plastic baseball helmet of every team of that era. I used aluminum bats and tennis balls. I swear I had them tennis balls all over across the alley and in the neighbors yards with their bad dogs and all. I used to have to dodge them dogs to get at least some of them balls back. Over time I learned how to put the ball in different places. I learned how to hit it on the ground to the hole in the right side. I learned to bang it in short right with a hell of a curve on it. I learned how to line it up the middle and stretch it into a double because the kid would always assume I just wanted one. This mentality stopped for me in high school; actually before high school. You see, that is when women ruined my life forever. I realized long ago that Robert Plant may have been right all along. Son of a Bitch man!

universal road

The world is a broken down wreck of a car sitting alone at the side of the universal road. It is plundered, used up, and foul smelling from the infantile remnants of a race gone bad with pitches, ploys, and meandering solicitations of small minded people out for a buck. There is a way out of this mess. There is a way to avoid the escalating violence of the mind created by the solitary few who truely believe they have a genius mentality about them when they are nothing more than creepy charlatans who take advantage of those who have given up the tidiness of research for the immediacy of self gratification. The reason information creates havoc is because there is too much of it. Over time the whole idea of knowing becomes secondary, forgettable. What remains is a one sided story that needs something to feed on. This feeding can be found in the very next program and so on and so on. Soon, and in time, reality takes on a whole new shape where the real self rarely makes an appearance on the big stage. That one true you/us becomes hidden and tucked away just like the world is now in the universe.

running ready

It is simple! You wake in the morning, you shower and shave; you don't need to pack, think or prepare because you did all that last night before bed, and you stretch it out man. Then, all you need is a soda or 3 and some smokes and you are off and running ready for the days activities. Any deviation from that format leads to the destruction of the day before it starts. If the phone rings, and it is your mother who is crying and in need of a sympathetic ear; what thoughts run through your mind? That's interesting. Wanna hear mine? OK, I visualize myself standing on a tall building and jumping off of it. It is very simple and clean. There is nothing dramatic about it. If the phone rings again and it is someone else who is in the mood to drag me down into the tall and muddy brush that is infested with mosquitos and tics, what would you do? That's is interesting as well. I actually like the idea of throwing myself in front of a Budweiser truck. Why is it that people use the phone to communicate fully the negative. I need that shit like I need a new pair of ski's. One should briefly touch over the negative unless of course it is indeed an emergency requiring immediate assistance or the little purple people will come and cook you breakfast in the middle of the street. So, the answer to the phone issue can be solved. After much deliberation I have decided to throw the fucking thing away. If someone wants to talk to me bad enough they can write a letter. Simplicity means never having to be dragged over rocks and cactus while having gasoline poored on the newly opened wounds.

same for sames sake, no..

Since when does being different represent obscurity? Is it not more obscure to fall in line with a way of doing things that statistically proves to be ineffective, crappy, and without real value? 74% of the population hate what they do for a living. Hating what you do for a living is a result of the stagnation people feel once they choose to become adult people and take on real responsibilities. It is not the responsibility that sucks, it is the lame choices made growing up that have the most effect on us now. Being different is made to seem bad because those who say mean things about different people, do so from the 74th percentile which makes them totally the same; and hating every minute of it. Ill take obscurity over sameness all day long in the city.

creations

Take the time and the tide and cruise through the dream, the real one that truely drives you way down deep inside, the one dream you try so hard to hide, and make that one thing, that one dream, the focal point of your perceptions in the everyday. Take that drive inside and see if it takes flight high above all others. See if even for a second if you could be one of the fortunate failures who choose to be amongst the birds and even higher like the falcon who falls heavy to his prey. Even the greatest of inventions started out as mocked new arrivals unfit and undesired in the soulless eyes of the more than one. Pay no attention to that as it is false and there to disrupt your process. Take the time to arrange and rearrange in your short time so valuable. Take the time to make each day a planned response to the passionate pursuit of your true desires at infinitum.

Expressions

I can see through the falseness where the recognizable is plain as day. Often we search for things in this way only to find them right before our eyes. We may be aware of the feelings we have and think of those feelings often when were alone. We may even find comfort in that all alone time in ways our imaginations are free to explore the possibilities. We may find comfort in that alone time and be satisfied. Often we find, once the goal has been achieved there is the immediate desire to expell oneself naked from the top of a buiding while singing Yankee Doodle Dandy with a pork sausage shoved up our asses.
You remember when you were a kid and you could say anything and have it be laughed off as youthful zeal? You knew what you were doing, and they knew what you meant, but you got away with it with a wink and a smile. Nowadays, now that were older, and have become better at bullshit, we sometimes forget that within our natural capacities we have an innate desire for happiness. It's a funny thing, we teach kids to not speak when we should encourage them to do so; we encourage kids to follow the rules when we know that the rules made Johnny a dull boy; so much so his own grandpa wouldn't speak with him. Now you have got to really fuckup for that to happen. If you have pissed off the top dog, you should probably consider that leap, the one mentioned above.
The falseness is mere fashion that can be expelled at any time. If the falseness becomes real, then that youthful zeal will die forever. It will go to a place from which it cannot be retrieved. There is many there so the alone-time will be short lived.

failure as winning

We should not frame our thoughts and desires around the thoughts and actions of other people. If we do this, and find similiar successes as those we follow, then what we have is a success that does not belong to us. It simply means that we can follow a pattern that has been proven to be worth while in the minds and realities of other people. That makes us dependants and nothing more. It does not take a rocket scientist to realize success from a ready made roadway. The only thing that can be accomplished in this instance is a scheduled departure from self. It means that for all that we have accomplished, we have done nothing but follow a path without picking up a single shovel full. Oh we may have lots of shovels, but I am sure we will find someone else to do the digging just like someone else did the digging and sweating for us. Either way we have the desired effect and that is all that matters as we stand in the middle of something that is truely not ours; leaving all singularity for those who fail and live in their creations.

under passions employ

I guess it's not the lonliness that drags me. I know I am not alone in that arena. But it goes beyond the simple notion of being alone. For years I have participated in things and even found a certain amount of success in those things. But I could never get over the repurcussions of winning in the eyes of other people. You see, a winner wins because he works hard and strives to be victorious. It does not matter what stands between himself and the finish line. Winning doesn't even matter that much. The point of being is to be passionate about certain things that have value in the eyes of the worker. If there exists a will to be successful, then that will will translate into a motion that is free from consequential thought. It is the motion itself that signifies true victory because it signifies will. But when the people are no longer around, and the noise has grown to a silence, there is only the feeling of being alone. This success is a reflection of the effort made through passionate drive and will. The consequence of winning is lonliness and expectation for even more.
The truth is, nobody cares. Ultimately, people need people to be victorious; at any cost. The conversations that come about are substantial in that they represent a kind of belonging to the effort. People can understand that to be good at any one thing, it has to come through tremendous effort. But what those conversations miss are the pitfalls of those who reach their goals. Once a finish line has been crossed for the first time, it can no longer be crossed again in that same way. The emotions involved are such that nobody can understand them unless they have literally bled through efforts of their own; drank to the point of death in dealing with unwanted repurcussions; had one shitty relationship after another, and so on.
We all hide comfortably behind our veils. God knows we cannot afford to show how human we are. In social life, the masks we wear hide us inside ourselves. Anything we do within that framework is not truely ours. It belongs to the effort itself in the social context. In order to find success, one must take on a new persona, a goal oriented persona that is believable by even the educated ones. This is not something that can be maintained 24 hours a day by anyone. Any succes that comes while the eyes look through the little holes is a success by the other persona. If that other persona cannot break away from that social success; in whatever endeavor, then coming down from that plank is fast and cold; the immediate opposite of success. Because we all act in various ways, the success we find must be done through the real us as individuals. The masks we wear must be in the storage closet as we cross that line in order for success to occur. Once that happens, the lonliness still exists, but the quiet time is spent in silence and dignity with no constraints or social ties of any kind. Success then has no boundary so long as it comes from the passionate employment of the true self; the human self; the emotional self, the one true you. Lonliness never goes away for me, does it you?

going far, slow

Change is the inevitable effect of time. It is as natural as the water beneath us and around us. It flows this way and that carrying with it pieces of time that remind us of our progress. The pieces should never be arranged in one specific way, or believed in that one specific way, as if it were the end all be all answer to your most pressing question or concern. If that were the case, then it would naturally follow that you seek an end through a means of lesser value.
The divisions among people are rooted in belief systems where everyone thinks they're right. Few groups of people can stand among the many and be witness to the ultimate truth. This is a waist of valuable time and actually runs against the idea of living in a way justified; not through a predetermined set of values and/or beliefs, but through a vast array of experiences that help justify the one way that becomes inflexible in you. Once that point is reached inside you, there is no amount of linguistics that will sway your view. There will be no need to dismiss anyone for being who they are nor will there be any need to criticize other people on the inside for being born how they were born, at their place of birth, or for being who they are on the inside and out.
No form of worship is real unless it is valid in all times. Or, we can get rid of all electricity that powers our daily lives and walk like animals in the jungle in constant search for sustenance. You see, everything changes. Change is synonymous with progress. If it weren't for all the fucking cameras, it would actually be cool to go outside. But the way life is now, all we need is our pc's and i-pods. Face to face communication only suffices after a long and healthy courtship online. Only then can anyone get a good read on another. Technology, invest in it and become successful. Why? Because technology IS the future! LLC

life good

The twinkie represents all that is good in this nation. It is representative of a job well done. For even if you had a most horrible day and you feel as though a large reptilian creature just crapped in your fresh bowl of caramel custard cream pie with chocolate swirls and the place you got it from just closed and you haven't had anything that good since Mindy way back in high school when all it took to become excited was a visual of Bo Derek riding gallantly upon a horse, you still have your twinkie. All life is born from the twinkie
You see, within the twinkie lies a fluffy white center that surges with gentle sweetness that, when combined with natural saliva and the spongy yet always responsive, tasty and delicious yellow cake that surrounds that creamy white goodness, brings a joy like no other to the taste buds fulfilling a life-long dream of capturing the very essence of God. Yes it is through the twinkie that all life derives its force from. Never be compelled to think of anything else if you become frustrated, or dare I say happy with your day. Remember, it is the twinkie that gives true meaning to the mystery that is life.

the 74

The 74 becomes you. They feed upon your every thought and desire. Through the subconscious, our consciousness becomes aware of the divinities missed. The 74 brings forth messages heard only from the primary desire. The nature of the response is dependent upon the availability of the receiver at the time of the opening in the sky. If the timing is not right, then the outlook was such that it could not be seen, acted upon, or felt anyway. Through the 74 exists every bad thing that can come into becoming. They aide in your destruction by folding themselves around you making each moment for you a reflection of the negative side. That outlook, that viewpoint, is only a symbol of the greater illusion for you. LLC

15 second floating

I must have been dreaming. I was floating above the ground and spinning ever so slowly. It felt like I was about 5 feet up and I could see the carpet on the floor. But the floor was green grass with little chipmunks on it playing badmitten with grapes instead of birdie's. Well, I was a bit taken back from this dream. I wondered if it had anything to do with my childhood. Then I realized that it couldn't have been my childhood that was responsible for the whole 15 second experience. It had to be the fact that, at that point, I had not slept in a few days; and I don't do drugs, drink, or anything of the like; except the occasional 3 week Vegas bender. If you really want to know what it feels like to rip one off, spend three full weeks in Vegas with nothing but clubs, booze, sex and everything else you can imagine. Do that once and every now and again you too can have the 15 second floating experience.

no much

What do we do with those who have no conscience, are aware of it, and still refuse to be cool? I would think being aware that one has no feelings for anything would be somewhat of a crisis. It must be a bad place to occupy. It must be an empty place where even the funnest of fun cannot be enjoyed. For some of these people, the only joy is when they see someone having issues with their life and being glad they don't feel that much. LLC

asleep

There is a trend happening now and we are all a part of it. We are tadpoles in a sea of swirling media. Infusion has taken place and we now have a social system that relies on inconspicuousness and anonymity. Our human bonds are being broken and we rely far too much on medication. Next time you watch your favorite program, time it. Notice each commercial and what is being sold in each commercial; time them. See how they relate to the target audience. Keep an eye on the prices of each item being sold. Imagine the cost of each commercial. Check the stock reports to see how well those advertisers are doing at selling the products they were hired to sell. Look for fluctuations in market and media related outlets. Watch the news; see who sells what at what time. Pay attention to as many details as you can. Remember, all the things in the market, and at the market, are made from the same machines with the same materials. All the meds; in my cabinet! lol, just kidding. I keep them at my friends house. Seriously, if you want the profit stock, pharmaceutical medication. See who make them. Check their stocks for fluctuations; quarterly reports; tax exemptions, and so on and so on. We take the drugs because there is oney in it. We take the drugs because we see pretty butterfly's flying slowly around a wheat field as a beautiful woman runs across it with a good ole American sundress on and her hands in the air; smiling largely. Who wouldn't want that feeling? I really believe we are all sleeping too much. Someone needs to wake us all up. LLC

breed of us

The angels are many and they look just like you and me. The demons are all over and they look just like you and me. This is not the movies or anything of the kind. It does not symbolize anything other than reality. There is another breed of us that has all the same qualities as the above mentioned with just one exception; and these people have it worse of than anyone; they are caught between these two entities while being influenced from every angle to do this or that. There is no clear connection with anything. Inside their chest beats a heart filled with fear and anxiety that is masked in work, in play, in school, or in the everyday activities of a fast moving life. If they stop for even a second, the voices come from within and make every minute of every day a living hell from the inside out. Look around and see the world around you. See how everything is disconnected and secretive. Watch them walk, listen to them talk and not one word has even a reseblance of something new. The angels are easy to find, it's the demons that are more difficult to find because they often live right out in front of you where they are sure not to be seen.

comparisons and flypaper

Redefine nothing. Listen to nobody. If they had the answers, they would be elsewhere. Believe nothing except in your ability to completely become emancipated on the inside through rationalizations and generalizations, comparisons and flypaper. Realize the effects others have upon you and abandon them in that way only. They mean no harm in their words, they just have no other way of communicating to you. They have many rationalizations for themselves as well; so in that regard they are like you and me without the them and us. What is left is up to each of us as individuals without the discontent of others discontentments making an already difficult path even more so. LLC 98.2

alone in no pain

There was a woman once who became an object to me. I could not get her out of my head. I was scared to even talk with her. I felt like a kid. It was as if everything on earth shifted for me and I have not been the same since.
That moment in time when I saw her was the greatest moment ever in my life. If I would have said anything to her then, and on that day, it would have been a catastrophy. I would have misfired my words and she would have been entertained by it. Now that I think about it, I probably should have.
There was another woman once, who shifted my planet. However, she was a tad bit different. She had a temper on her that could power a small town in Ohio. Needless to say, it was all her fault. Ok, one evening I did go to a strip club and she found me in the parking lot having a beer and chilling. She beat me like a butter bean and crushed my balls with her foot. Let me tell you something so I can be clear here as to the extent of the damage. First, it took MINUTES for me to find a breath. I was a dead man and I knew it. Hell, even if I did survive, the consequences were sure to be the equevalent to an uphill climb mid-summer with a putrid hangover; for weeks. I could not understand how something could feel so completely and utterly uncomfortable and just all around bad. I wanted to curl up into a little ball and cry aloud, "Mommie!," and then just die alone in the bush.
There was another woman who changed things for the worse. She decided to have her brother come over and kick my ass. It was all her fault. She cheated on me; I have never done that to a woman yet they always seem to find time for themselves in that way. Anyway, she turned out to be a multiple personality. Not split personality, but multiple. Turns out I went out with Jennifer who loved pills and booze.
Another woman made life interesting. She wanted to paint my dog pink. She was in school at the time and for fun she enjoyed going to Hollywood to hang out in an abandoned house with a band. One evening we were at a club and she saw someone she knew. The guy she knew just got out of prison and she could not wait to go and be with him. I thought she was kind of rude seeing as how we were out together. But hey, thesethings happen.
My point is that relationships are a touchy thing at best. Sometimes it is best to be alone. I know it sure is a Hell of a lot more quiet and less painful.

microblasty

Enclosed within there is a muddled view of the world. Someone said once,"You can dream all day and be happy, but who the Hell is going to paint the car!" I pondered that for a moment and then it hit me; that dude was 3 cheeses short on his enchilada. Needless to say, I did gather some useful information as a result of that encounter. I did come to a reasonable conclusion as to the origins of the universe.
Man in the world today cannot know. We can try; and that's a misnomer because we implies me and them when I have never met them; or you for that matter. Suffice it to say that I do not own a car which solves the first issue. As far as the origins of the universe, I have concluded that it is really, really big. How it came to be is to be completely free from all rationality in even considering it in the first place. Big Bang this and Adam and Eve that; if you think you know something well enough to preach it, you should not be a preacher. This holds true for many things as real teachers always learn from their charges. If they do not, then they are poor teachers and should consider another line of work. I would suggest label painting or shoe-lace polishing.
I used to work with a dude who was in his late 50's; a young man. He carried a Phd and was a teacher. He now worked as a casino cleaning guy. He told me once, only once, that the job he has now makes him feel good. When I asked why he replied,"I have freedom in this place. I can move and breathe here. I can do the job then go straight home. I can stay up late, gamble, drink, eat well, have insurance, an apartment with low rent and utilities, a stripper as a neighbor, and poker games with friends 3 days a week." I thought about that for a minute.
This man Dave was an intriguing character. He had it all: the cash, the standing, the respect. He dropped it all because he was not doing what he wanted to do and there was far too much pressure and it was affecting his health. So he quit and moved to Nevada where he has the kind of job that suits him best. He has no prick boss lurking at his backside; no immediate cares in the universe; no desire for anything else, and a complete outlook that has at its foundation an idea. This idea is what spurred me into my conclusion about the universe.
The universe originated a long time ago. The Earth is not even relevant in comparison. To compare Earth to the rest of the universe is like comparing a fly print to the rest of the universe. The fact is, we are all completely clueless to the big questions; by design. This is why Dave's story is the key to the whole damn thing. All Dave wanted was a less stressed sort of life with an emphasis on happiness. He wanted to look forward to his days while he had them. He grew tired of the mud slinging that was clouding his perspective, his desire and his views of the world. The origin of the universe is hope and happiness. So there, nothing can come from badness. Badness is a human creation only. It is a function of human beings to change just like the weather.

stupid we r

Imagine for a moment your size. Consider your size in relation to the universe. Then, consider your size in relation to all that lies beyond the universe; places unseen by any man. Based on this knowledge, is it possible for you to be so bitchy when you can't find the remote control or the neighbors dog craps on your grass? Or is it possible for you to cool out and realize just how invaluable you are when compared to the unknown super-structure of space and time? Being a lousy person will never change the fact that you, like the rest of us, are screwed.
Rude and nasty people miss the ride that never ends. They miss the freedom that lies even beyond the exterior of the universe. They will miss that ride and be relagated to a sphere of hopelessness created by themselves during their negative appearances here on Earth; among other people and among themselves. The Earth is nothing more than a salt piece in one giant martini glass that is sipped and enjoyed by something our imagination cannot grasp in our early stages of development; if you could call it that. Were just over a hundred years outside of the transition from horse to automobile there people! Were thrilled with little cell phones. We have unlimited capacity for bullshit and we only care about what we would rather not care about because we are content with what we see every day; blinded like the lab rat being tested for the effects of herpes. That to me says just how stupid we really are. Have a wonderful and fulfilling day. LLC 98.2

silence of the sheltered self

It is radical to walk alone inside, but we all have our ways we can't deny. What we think is often untrue and yet we want it so, even if we don't know why. One could speculate as to the reasons we are the way we are, but the truth of the matter is we are constantly morphing into a completely new people; both on the inside and on the outside. We form new ways of seeing the world; we evaluate our current positions; we acknowledge our position and reason as to why it is good. If that reasoning begins to form even the slightest of cracks in the utopian life, then the utopian life we no longer have. The one inside will always find a way to creep in the cracks and make rooms for the silence of the sheltered self to form new reasonings and claims to that which must be right. This is done knowing the entire thing is nothing more than a mere shadow of the inner you; a replica; a reflection of the one that walks alone inside. 98.2

good fuel burning

There is no completion in this life. There will always be a need to do more; want more; wish more. This is the fuel of the soul. This is what drives the soul to the next place. If the fuel of the soul is bad; coming from bad things, then the trip will be a relatively short one. If the fuel that drives your soul is good, the ride will be illuminated, decadent, and peaceful while dreams become real in a process more spectacular than you can possibly conjure in even the most remote landscape of your human imagination. The good will always shine brighter in the sky. Those little dots you see way up high are the remnants of good fuel burning. 98.2 LLC

egg on the brain

The ideas come from you. They lie on the inside and fester like an egg on your brain. You know them; most importantly you love them. To love something is to go out of your way. To love something is to walk a mile when you don't feel like it. And to truely love something, no show is required to stablize it. It is something that relies on nothing but a simple smile or gesture; a simple meeting of the eyes in passing; or a slow steady touch with soft, wet kisses all around. Ideas evolve around the good, the bad, and a mix between. The ideas that matter are only known to you. What follows is the first step. Everything after that; the roadblocks, all the stuff that will inevitably come; will find less placement within the same category as the egg on your/our brain.

Real pain is waking up with syphalis. Real anxiety comes from a diagnosis of Munchausers bi-proxis while also harboring an addiction to amphetamines and red bull that hides the alcoholism that keeps you going through those hard, daily times of unquestionable hardship while dealing with the fact that you have dyslexia, have the attention span of a mouse, and stutter a lot; especially when your nervous.
Real nausia comes from swallowing diahrea medication that was manufactured in 1975 during the Fukin Ford Administration. That was a bad one. You see, I thought it was good. I did think to myself, "Hey, that label looks a little old," as I shook it furiously. I cracked it open and poured a hearty cup full of the golden white, obscure, and somewhat smelly concoction, down my throat. I looked again at the label, but this time for a much longer period of time. Needless to say, that was a day filled with many ups and downs.
Real and measurable obscurity comes with having experiences that often make other people feel too much about their own issues. I was thinking last night about the sheer number of issues I currently have; and I was not surprized. Hey, 247 is not that bad. It is a relatively low number compared to my younger days. Back then I was called "somewhat obsessive and hyper".
I carry hatreds for people from early childhood. I often think that if I am having a bad day, at least I know for a fact that if I see that individual on the street, that ass is going to get smashed; and that person will feel discomfort for a pre-determined period of time with no real long term damage. The healing process would be about 18-38 months. This is important because the very day that person is wheeled out of rehab, I will inflict the exact same amount of unhappiness again. I will keep doing that untill I am old and grey. So I have that going for me. 98.2 and the LLC.

spuriousness

Lets make a glass of water upon a table academic. First and foremost it is important to recognize that the example I give is a singular one in time. The glass was placed on this table made of wood. It was filled just over half way. When I looked at the glass that was just over half-way filled at exactly 28 degrees from center, there appeared a prism. The prism appeared in the middle of the glass that was half-way filled. It turned gently in a clockwise motion that reflected remarkable colors. I became mesmerized by the sight and I thought to myself, "na, those were regular, organic mushrooms." Needless to say, the prism began to spin faster and faster within the glass of water and I took notes the whole way through. A fast moving breeze swept through the room like a racoon in the night. My hair was flying about and the prism moved faster and faster. Suddenly, and without warning there appeared before me a giant pack of Starbursts and a hotdog stand with a soda fountain attached to a shetland pony. I thought, "Hey man, just in time, I am famished and di-a-rhea is one of my favorite things!" I ate and began wondering what happened to the glass with water in it filled just over half-way. Then I remembered, I spilled it reaching for the damn starbursts and it was broken all over the floor. So I went to the cabinet and grabbed another glass and filled it just under half-way. Except this time i filled the glass with Jack Daniels. I figure if I spill this one I will make sure I spill it in my mouth. In this little wash, is it possible that the first glass of water was a representation of my past when I was sucked under by a vicious tide that damn near killed me? Did I hate the glass the water was contained in and used it to represent my hatred for people who take credit for others' ideas? Is my bad spelling an indication of a childhood free from water in general? If so, why? Was my mother evil? Did my father try to drown her as I was forced to watch? You see, there is no such thing as a simple glass of water on a table. There is always a story that surrounds it. There is meaning in even the smallest of things; and it is through these things that academics are born. It is also representative of what it feels like to be in a constant state of spuriousness, discomfort, and instability.

I am social structure, you are a segment of that structure. The bones that are contained within me are made up of ideals that were formulated a long time ago among farmers who thought it prudent to not include an unwilling population of men, women and children, in the idea that all men are created equal. From there was born a style, an elegance of form that was to symbolize ones standing in the community; the white male dominated herarchy of social me and the standards I promote. You will have access to things others will not. You will have a road more readily ran on because you will have on a really cool pair of Nike's that feel like warm chowder on a cold and crispy day flowing down your heavily medicated throat because you live in a cold part of the country where a warm day is 48 degrees; and you are always feeling less than snappy due to your inflamed sinal cavity. You will go to school because I hold the keys to the doors, and I believe in you. You know somethin there large guy? What? The funny thing is....What? I am not real. I am completely made up. I live among the stars in the sky; and in the air you breathe and broadcast over and through. You will go far in life because I believe in you. I am social structure, and you give me life! 98.2 LLc

bite me you sissies!

Academic writing is for sissies who have a natural resistance to experience. They are fence sitters and gatekeepers to an unholy land that is fully enveloped in the black and white cloudiness of bullshit; irritating the masses; influencing the young, while making Joe the Plumber feel inferior. If a kid wants to stick his finger up his nose, then wipe the goobly goop on your new sofa, so be it. Why did he do that? Who gives a shit! How the Hell can anyone experience life when all they do is study it? The time they spend studying would better suit them if for once they decided to tie one on for a couple weeks and experience the wet noodle that is society; but from a more fun loving, alcoholic point of view. This is LLC and I am Audi 2387.

inside, the unseen

From the moment it, whatever it is, is broken down into its finite parts, and then analyzed for future instruction, it then becomes fractional. The pieces cannot function in respect to the larger whole because they all require each other in order to function. The process of analyzing the function of it then becomes obscure and the meaning lost in respect to what is being happened upon. No thing can function in and of itself. It can only function as a function to something, in something, or by something. If manuals are formed as to the benefit of the parts with respect to their function, then those words contained within that manual are useless; they serve no individual purpose in analyzation to the thing. If a part is broken, it is determined so through dysfunction in relation to the thing itself. Organizing thoughts and actions in pieces related to the pieces themselves serves only one purpose, to benefit the writer of the words. This of course does not pertain to mechanical devices such as engines or the body; their parts need to be analyzed and taken down. I am speaking of the unwritten language contained within and about the social being.
The man who relies on functionality through wit and cunning, and not through truth, real truth within the various pieces that make up the body; the unseen, must find himself smart and successful. He then manages his day by the glow of the deceiver who shines brightly in the eyes of the flacid, weak, and Earthly. These people cannot see what they do due to their wit and desire; for it leads and the body follows. It should be that the body cares not to follow, but to lead in the direction of the inside part, the unseen. To analyze something, a man would be better off to analyze that, which cannot be broken, is rarely written about, and hardly understood through the veil of the social life.

his name is Spencer

I was having a particularly bad day one day. As I pulled into the 7-11 parking lot, I noticed a man. He was elderly, had a cane, and was in obvious pain. He was exiting the passenger side of an old pontiac. The driver was a young girl, presumably his granddaughter. I sat in my hyndai for a minute and lit a smoke. I watched her help the gentleman from the car and he was in obvious pain. I got out of my car and slowly walked past the pair. As I did, the old guy caught my eye and when he did he smiled. I said, "Good evening sir!" He responded, "Hi there!" He was slumped over, had a bulge on his back, and his legs made noise as he moved. I mean this guy was in real pain yet he still managed to give me, a complete stranger, a soft smile and a hello. I walked in the store and got some more reds and a giant pepsi. God knows if I don't have a pepsi I will lose the few marbles I still have. As I walked out of the store the girl and the old man were walking toward the door still on the blacktop. They were too quick for me as I wanted to at least hold the door open for them. I walked by them as they stepped on the curb just outside the store. Again he smiled as his arm was being steadied by his helper. It was obvious she had a great deal of affection for this man who had to be bordering on the edge of 90. I picked up the smoke I left on the concrete outside and proceeded to walk to my hyundai. That's right, screw capital letters! I got to my car after engulfing about 4 cups of soda; just enough to get me back to my home shit home. I sat there thinking to myself for a few minutes. I got to thinking that here is a man, a complete stranger, in tremendous pain, elderly, and still he managed to acknowledge me on what was a horrible and forgettable day for me. Here I was moaning and groaning on the inside about me and my issues; which are many, and I somehow felt calmer. I thought,"Who am I to consider myself to be so screwed?" "What kind of person am I to be so pissed off about my little problems?" I have a full belly, a pack of smokes, a soda, and a hyundai. Even though I have issues myself with pain, I know that by comparison I am relatively well off. I mean this guy was most likely in the War man. He has probably been through more shit than I ever will, and I sure is Hell know I will never see 90. Anyway, I wanted to talk with this man, but I know how that would have looked. Needless to say by the end of the night my problems were still there, but somehow they seemed more managable. I could see that maybe in time my problems would cease. I don't know, but I do know one thing; that night I will take with me where ever I go. Not as reminder by comparison, but as a way of maneuvering myself around the difficult times by keeping the bigger picture in mind. This world is an awefully big place, and the universe is even larger. The temporary spot I now occupy is of little consequence to the spirit inside. I guess sometimes the spirit inside relies on other spirits to set things straight. Maybe that man was there for a purpose. Maybe the soft smile he gave me was a reminder that the body dies but the spirit of a man/woman never does. I take that man with me now wherever I go. In my mind his name is Spencer. In my mind he will never die. Maybe that is what spirits are all about. I don't know, but Spencer may someday tell me, and I will surely listen.