Someone said long ago that the truth is stranger than iction. They were right! The things people do to one another in real lie are absolutely amazing. I learned about how people can turn on you relatively early in lie. A close relative o mine was involved in a court case against her boss. Everything was in her avor. The truth was on her side. One day, a co-worker testiied (later determined to be having an aair with the boss) against what was true and it turned the tide o the case. Needless to say it wasn't long beore that co-worker showed up at the house drunk o her ass apologizing or what she had said. We didn't know at that time,o course, that she was just trying to make hersel eel better and those were crocodile tears. She was a real sociopathic type person as I look back. I guess I was about 9 or 10 at the time and since then there have been many more instances o human deception in my lie. I suppose we all deal with demons both on the inside and the outside. The masks we wear can hide a lot more than who we really are... they can hide the lion who, when provoked, will destroy everything he sees using all orms o human deception and lies. One doesn't have to look ar to see deception and lies. One only need to watch the television or a ew seconds. One scary truth about this lie is the act that millions o people watch soap operas. They are ully into the iction. It takes up space in their lives. In any scholarly book, that is straight up insanity.

I've been out o Caliornia or a number o years now. I guess I am a Nevadan now. With this new status, I have come to notice a ew things that are common among young vacationers rom Caliornia or just young people in general. irst, they seem to have questionable manners. They have tremendous eelings o sel worth marked by a complete disregard or world aairs. I could go on and on here and yes, there are always exceptions. We really do have brilliant young people here. But many o our young people get set aside never having the hance to lourish. It's not a perect system and we have a long history o nepotism and riendly ties in high places. This is true o all countries because they too are made up o human beings. It's all about riends helping riends at the top. Those who beneit the most have the money to propagate and inluence the masses. It's a real hoot or them to see the divisions they create and propagate in society. Nobody cares to realize that with every passing day we are all one day closer to the very same place. This is a lesson these entitled young people rom Caliornia do not seem to grasp. They are unable to see any urther into the uture than a mirror or the relection they see on their phones or the selies they take. Then again, I suppose it is natural or an older generation to look upon the new as somewhat o a puzzle or green cloud o mental ineptitude. Many o these kids will settle down and make babies and many o them will act just as their parent's acted. Others will purposely avoid that track and go o entirely on their own to God knows what or where. No matter what these young people choose to do, it is my sincere hope that they, at the very least, say thank you to the waitress or waiter and then tip with a smile. There is nothing worse than a thankless peckerwood rom Ca. mouthing o because his eggs weren't brown on the edges.

It seems behind every instance o violence, there is alcohol or some other illicit drug making its way through town. Hardly ever is it the case that cannabis has been involved in violence o any kind. In act, in my lie experiences, I have never been with any group o stoned individuals who were involved in anything but deciding on who is going to the store or ice cream or pizza and soda pop. Anybody can go into a bar, right now, and just listen. Listen to the stories being weaved through the lips o the common boozer. I it's a group o young guys in the prime o their lives and hardons that last entire weekends, they are talking about getting with the chick right over there. By the same token, that chick is most likely looking to hook up hersel. I have been there and I know this to be true. However, people like mysel cannot let certain scenes just go away. Guys like me want the party to go on and on. But that's when reality shows itsel. Jobs are not interested in keeping your pecker wet, so to speak. Being a party guy is really only good i you can aord to do it right. That means you don't have a job, but you do have money. I have known and continue to know people who have never worked. They came rom air conditioning and personal shrinks and gol coaches. They're not bad people, they are just dierent. They have always had everything they needed. I am dierent rom them. Touche, so to speak. But as ar as violence goes, it does not matter where you came rom. When it comes to violence, you can bet alcohol is somewhere close by. In my experience, alcohol is the most dangerous drug we have and it is advertised using hal naked women. It's an absolutely recipe or disaster and we are absolutely surrounded by it, enguled with it. we are sex obsessed. How could we not be? And we all know nothing goes with sex better than booze. I could tell some stories...

There is nothing unny about being unemployed. To go along with that, try being unemployed with knowledge that you have less than two years beore total homelessness. I have a bone-dry bank account, a mother with dimentia, a ather who is losing entire days, sister and brother's who never even call... and yet through the last couple years I have managed to stay booze ree despite being around booze 24/7; it no longer controls me and hasn't or well over a decade. I am absolutely qualiied to be a case manager working with those looking to deal with alcohol/drug addiction. I have many stories, but I was lucky. Many I have known were not, including many members o my amily. I actually have a vision o a place where people can go to just get away. It's a simple place where people can again learn that it is about the simple things. It's like baseball practice. You play the undamentals until you know them... and then you play them again and again because you learn to love the process itsel. Someone once said that i you can't explain something simply, you don't know it well enough to explain it. I believe that to be true. However, I do understand that being emplyed means going with rules already in place. I am with that as well. I have been on both sides o case management. I have direct experience with good and bad case management and I have seen and elt the eects. Yet no matter how oten I apply or inquire or ollow up, I get hardly any response. I can't hardly speak to somebody ace to ace. I really believe technology can hinder human relationships and experiences.

As ar as I can tell, man has been wrestling with this duality called the battle between good and evil since the beginning. You can ind this in just about everything we hear about and see and do. We have Republican and Democrat... well, you understand. It just goes on and on. Then there are those who see and understand how the circle o good sometimes merges with the circle o evil. What occurs in that shared space cannot possibly be pure good. By the same token, what occurs in that shared space cannot be considered pure evil. It is a mix o the two. As to what percentage the mixture, that depends on a myriad o things: people, situation, money, politics, timing, societal views.
One can look back through history and see great men doing great things. However, inevitably there is always a law in these great people. This is because every great man or woman is lawed just as all mankind is lawed. So we weigh the good with the bad in every decision... or at least try to be that way, and move in accordance with what is conceivably the best or all involved. Now this could be one person, a amily, etc. But through everything we do and everything we think about, the duality o right and wrong, good or evil serves as a basis rom which we think and act or don't think and act. I one does not think beore they act, the result can be a lottery win or a car accident. Again, we have this duality presenting itsel. History through philosophy oers mankind a way to sit through what can only be called the duality o human existence. Hardly anything is more interesting than having a conversation with someone with an open mind, one that can expand and contract with obscene clarity.

I'm in my late 40's and I will be spending Christmas with my parents. My sister is moving out here next year. My brothers never talk to their parents, not even a phone call. Miscommunication and old wounds plague the amily. The brothers are aware o mom's condition, but reuse to acknowledge her presence. The way I see it, it's all on them. Years ago words were exchanged over issues revolving around money. Certain promises were uttered and then nothing happened. A lot o things have been let undone and I am araid, or them, those issues can never be resolved. They had their chance and they passed it up. I suppose that is and/or will be a heavy burden on them sommeday. Hell, maybe they eel it right now. I know I would. I made damn sure I got everything straight with them already. I have nothing let to tell my parents. We have ironed through any and all issues we could have possibly had hanging over us. I am glad I am spending Christmas with my parents. I suppose it's easy or me because I have no kids and I have never been married. I'm not tied to anything. I have given away everything I do not need. Right now, my tummy is ull and I am thankul.

Led Zeppelin - The Ocean (Official Live Video)

Garbage - Only Happy When It Rains (official music video) with lyrics

The single non corruptible man among thieves is by ar the most vulnerable o the bunch. Nothing in this world can destroy a plan more eectively than those who are unwilling to see the beneits that come rom corruption. The short-term beneits or the corrupted are always inancial in nature and oten oer some orm o security or them. But none o this can take place among these thieves so long as there is one person who cannot be compromised. The ways o business are one thing. The ways o big business that are on the border o being "shady" are such that all its participants must have something that can later be used against them. The dark orces that operate within this economic structure have been around since its inception. Human nature is such that people will use any means necessary to achieve their ends... well, some people. Those among us who have inluence also have people they answer too. This hierarchical structure has been in place or a very long time. In this world, it is the honest man who eels the brunt o inequity.

Indoctrination is something we all experience. Everybody has some orm o indoctrination they go through at a very young age. The ideologies we "inherit" rom our amilies were given to them by their amilies and so on. Most o us were brought up in amilies where we were taught to work hard or our money. We were taught that honesty is the best policy and that being a good person was its own reward. I actually believe that being a good person is, in act, its own reward. It doesn't get much play time in the conversation, but what it does do is ensure your place within a society that your word means something. Unortunately, certain personality types do not see the beneit o this type o behavior. It's unny, the older we get the easier we ind ourselves making excuses or our behavior... even when we proit rom said behavior through deception.. especially through deception. We ind ourselves saying things like, "I have to do what I have to do. It's a dark world and i you want to play the game, you will have to get dirty." We compromise ourselves in many ways just to make money. Money seems to be what we have all been indoctrinated to believe in. It seems money is the ultimate orm o indoctrination. Attaining as much o it as we can is never done using the qualities most o us were brought up to believe in.

People lie and they do it because o money and/or sel preservation. The best place to ind truth is within bits and pieces o statements given by those who were there. The ilm isn't much good except it does show a rather poor editing job. The act it was edited is really all anybody needs to know. His brains were blown out o the back o his head just a hal second ater he was hit in the back o his head. It was a hail o lead! No bolt action ww2 piece o shit can ire within a single second time rame.... and that is just that... less than one second o the entire assassination. LBJ didn't set it up, but he knew it was coming. Unortunately, darkness and evil has been ailiated with the government rom the beginning. I there is one thing age teaches someone it is that in order to move ahead in this lie, you must dance with devils and be able to unction with that knowledge.

You'll never get a straight answer rom somebody who is being paid to be that way. Money will always be the irst place anybody needs to go when dealing with those who are competing with one another by way o "things, nice things." A diamond ring becomes a cutting instrument when stranded on an island. In society, it is simply a symbol o status. It really just sits there like all, other, things.

In this world you almost have to be obsessive compulsive to maintain yoursel in what they call, "The ast lane." I watched a young woman spin hersel right out back in the 90's. The woman never stopped. She went to work, ran her dog, went out every night schmoozing perspective clients... and all the while she absolutely hated hersel. By the time she was done every day it took her a couple hours to calm down, with a buzz, every night beore bed. She couldn't have averaged more than 3 hours o sleep per day. I knew her or almost our years until one day she up and let everything behind except her dog. I ound out some time later she met some hippy dude and moved to Oregon. It's unny what meeting new people can do to someone's lie when they are deep down ready or a change o pace. Nobody could maintain the way she was rolling in lie. She would be worn out beore 40 and I think she knew that. Hell, she never had time to enjoy hersel. Sometimes people just have to say, "This is enough!" I think she did that... well.

Tom Petty- Crawling Back To You

The most respectable people I have ever heard about and known are the ones that cannot be bought. They work because they enjoy what they do and many o them work with their hands out in the ield. They put things together and repair things. They are very oten available whenever an emergency is taking place. It's hard or many o us to imagine what it would be like to enjoy what we do every day and also make a living. I ind these kinds o people to be better than average when it comes to the smart department. They all share one really helpul quality: They know what they cannot do and will not do. They know what their limitations are and they avoid rom having to take part in something that would not be natural or them... every single day. or example, I think I can sing. I sound good in the shower. But I also know that my singing sucks and would never claim to be a singer in public. or I am my own private superstar.
I understand working hard to get ahead. That's absolutely antastic i the journey is worth the sweat and tears. I the journey is worth it, you would learn to bathe in the sweat and tears. There has to be some kind o goal in mind; at least a series o small and attainable goals. But what is o the utmost importance is knowing who to talk with when certain processes get to be a little too much in one way or the other. You have got to pay attention to each person you speak with about the situation because everybody will have a solution or you or know somebody who can help. This is one way you can judge who the respectable people are in your lie. I you are steered in the direction o party a and party a turns out to be legit and on the level in their business practices (as ar as you can tell, but alsity is easy to sell), then you have received advice rom someone who could be viewed as respectable... at least so ar. The basic idea here is to seek out respectable people i people are what you need. I you ind someone you know is a simple con man selling real estate on mars and making over 100,000 a year doing it, you will have to ask yoursel," Is this something I would do or money?" And the answer to that question is no.

When you watch television these days, you can get everything rom dancing to singing to sitcoms that make you laugh all the way through to crime drama. What occurs inbetween this programming is the news where at any time breaking stories can appear on the screen and overwhelm us all with, or example, the shooting in Vegas. I live out in the desert and was watching something on you tube when something came across the television behind me. The shots were happening and the people were just standing there. I could hear the bullets bouncing o the concrete. Ater a ew moments, people began to move out. I don't remember anything else about that night other than that story. So, it's back to dancing and singing and laughing at sitcoms. With the occasional reality break, television guides us through the world o iction so that we may be entertained and not bored. It's unny, when the electricity goes out the irst thing people say is, "I'm bored." No, you are boring and tuned into something that has taken and is taking your imagination away and decorating what is let with manuactured realities mixed with tragedies in reality.

I know everything is done on the phone now, but I am inding it diicult in getting one. I had one or a while, but I never really used it much. When the phone did ring, it was always somebody wanting me to pay or something else. I swear it seemed there were people who had my inormation and were trying to get me to release it to them. This is unny to me because I have absolutely nothing. What I do have is replaceable and thereore no great loss. I used to cherish things. I used to hold things in high regard. I always used to measure people by the quality o the things they had. And then I got older, about 19. That is about the year I began to recognize the posers rom the real people in my town. Like most towns, many inluential amilies played gol or had kids who played gol. I did not come rom an inluential amily. I came rom the working class. I you want doors to close or you early in lie, make a name or yoursel in your town beating the hildren o inluential amilies at their own game. You realize that not every smile and handshake is given to you by a riend. All that crap aside, why should I have to pay x amount every month to use a computer... and then it hit me... it's all connected and everybody pays. So, I guess I will cease looking or a keyboard and just get oline completely here pretty quick. I mean, my identity has been ripped o I think twice so ar, so it's kind o hard or me to take everything too seriously at this point in time. The only thing I know is that back in the 70's us kids in the neighborhood played outside until the street lights came on. And by play I mean we were playing hoops, hide a go seek using the whole neighborhood... backyards included, tag, ootball, racing bikes, the lot. Neighborhoods are not like that anymore and kids are getting phones at age 5. 

The most popular people in pop culture today are going to age just like us all. They will age out o the limelight they sold so much o themselves to stay in. The process o popularity is one that dies with the public that worshiped them. During the process, these people were unded by a spellbound population needing to be entertained; we all need to be entertained. The lives o the everyday olks pale in comparison to the stars we make out o some people. But one wonders...
I have never wanted to be a amous star. I never saw how there could be any advantage to being one who is looked upon as a vessel o creative/cosmic musings and then thrust upon a beacon to be worshiped at every turn. I remember seeing stars when I was a kid. I ound them all to be short and relatively skinny people who were only smiling when a camera was on them. The more wanders around in the world o psychology, the more one can see certain movements in people that show their various moods. In a deeper sense, one can see how people see their world i one looks long enough at the right things. The point being that there always seems to be an ingredient missing in the recipe or success. That ingredient is happiness... a word not so easily deined.
rom an early age we are told what will make us happy. Go to school, get a part-time job. Date a ew girls in college and then pick one. Have a amily and work hard to save or retirement. Pay o the house and travel in your new RV. Pay cash or your inal home by the water. It sure sounds great! And all along the way you have a happy marriage with no problems and the kids are always respectul and courteous. I mean, it's easy to see how this kind o scenario is not so easily attainable. Many olks will never come close to this type o happiness. Many kids will never develop the mindset necessary to be anything other than what they are. And i what they are is someone who has less than somebody else who he thinks must be happier than him, they can go in a ew dierent ways. They can use what they see in that guy with all the stu and work hard to be like him or they can steal and take shortcuts to acquire stu. Some people are quite happy when they are breaking the law and stealing rom other people. This is why happiness is diicult to deine. or an addict, happiness could be his irst year clean. It could be when an adult learns to read. One thing is or sure, whatever kind o happiness you desire, it must never include hurting anybody or anything. To gain happiness rom such things is just evil. The bottom line is no matter who or what we are or think we are in other people's eyes, we are all mere mortals in possession o a body and a spirit. Happiness, true happiness makes the spirit glow. One o the rare and predictable times you can see a spirit glow is when a woman learns o her pregnancy. The glow o her skin happens because o the glow o her spirit that is burning bright inside her.

Genesis - Abacab

Very oten what is hidden between the words comes out to those who know how to read them. It happens on a level on which they are unamiliar and thereor are unable to acknowledge.

The Psychedelic Furs - Love My Way

The old man heard rom a riend back in 1937 that Rolex was the watch to have and he should get one. At that time, the old man was a young whipper-snapper looking to make a ew bucks. He was a hustler, a pool hustler who moved rom town to town being young and getting into ights. Without thinking very much about it, when he ound himsel ahead, he would buy himsel a watch. He didn't tell anybody, he just bought a Rolex watch and then then put it in a box, wrapped and everything. He knew what time it was, it was time to make money. Ater the war, the old man ound himsel in the insurance business and he also had part ownership in a urniture store. Over time, he began collecting much more than Rolex watches. His success alone in the insurance business aorded him plentry o peoperty or storage. He had two tractors, a ield o corn... along with all kinds o other vegetables. I think he retired when he was in his late 50's or something like that. Everybody liked the old man. He always lew the lag out in ront o his porch. I'm not sure anybody in the neighborhood knew the man served in World War 2. But I knew. I also knew that he was never alone. The old man always had people around him. I don't think he had a amily  his own, but he did have a amily member or two live with him over the years. I think maybe they came by to check on him because he never really talked very much to anybody. I mean, nobody knew a thing about the old man. Interestingly, one night I was watching the news. A local man was outside his driveway handing over various items he has collected over the years. He had been there or hours. I guess ater some time, somebody called the news station and told them there was a guy giving away treasure rom his driveway. I looked at the screen and it was the old man. I immediately ran over to my riends house and we went to the old mans driveway. Turns out, he had been there all aternoon just giving away things he's collected over the years to anybody who came by. The news got there just in time to watch him open the last box that was behind him. It was a good size box and very well sealed. The old man ripped open the box with some box cutters and grabbed the irst item on top. With a smile he looked at me and handed me the item. It was a Rolex Sea dweller 1665 Double Red-Mark 1V. I to this day know nothing about watches and I don't think the old man knew either. The only reason I knew what kind o watch it was was because that is what it said on the box. The old man never opened it. I made the news cut that out. But they continued ilming the old man until he handed over every watch in the box... all o them Rolex watches. Turns out, that old man had been collecting every Rolex watch made between 1955 and 1989. He had been giving them away or years. When asked at the end o the day why he gave it all away, the old man said, "I collected these things or a long time and got enjoyment rom each and every minute. I never got married, never had kids, and since I am on my way out, it made sense to me or people to beneit in some small way rom the joy I received in attaining it all. Anyways, where I'm going, none o it does me much good."

My love is alive (Gary Wright ) original version

Maybe it's the natural inclination o man to take advantage o his ellow man until that advantage can no longer be exploited. This o course comes at the price o the ellow man and his riendship. One could say that such a relationship has never been built on mutual respect and riendship, thereor no riendship can be lost. I suppose this is true i everything was cut and dry. But things only get cut and dry when one party becomes ed up with what can only be called a "onesided relationship." There has to come a point where the one who is being used simply wises up and abandons his/her eorts at doing the right thing. How can you do the right thing and accomplish what is right? Well, in the short term, there is pain. There is the adjustment o not seeing said person everyday o the week or weeks, months, and years on end while constantly doing their bidding, so to speak. In that time, they could have learned what they can and cannot do or themselves without anybody else's ucking money, smokes, booze, drugs, couch, car, gas, etc... in exchange or what? The privilege o being their slave? Don't get me wrong, i the person who is so called "using" is one who has physical or mental issues, well that is dierent. They are not aware or they do not allow themselves to think ar enough ahead o the pssible consequences or wanting things done or them all the time. And yes, experience tells me that some people take advantage o their diagnosis. There are tricks and treats mankind plays on himsel and other people. Maybe it is the normal inclination o mankind to take advantage o his ellow man because it sure happens enough in this world.

I have been having cyclical, negative thought or the last our days. I've had very little sleep and the pain in my mouth is such that eating anything but soup is a chore. The pain will pass. That's not what's keeping me up. This whole thing started when I decided to place mysel in lie-long debt and get a degree or two. It was a mistake. I just wanted to inish what I started years beore. I went too ar in subjects that have no real applications in society unless you write about society using sociologically sponsored PhD's who all reuse to place their name anywhere but on top. I stay away rom PhD people. Nobody should know how to do research that well, learn the truth, and then pay no attention to that truth. I don't even know i there's a word or that. Besides that, it seems the higher up the ladder one climbs, the less and less time there is to live... a lie. On top o the reality that lie brings us all, anybody would be hard-pressed to ind a doctor who is not heavily intertwined with the pharmaceutical industry. They go hand in hand. And then the insurance companies... dear God we could go on orever. I bought into everything until I hit 27 or 28. Once I inished what I started, I mastered the art o using reerences and proper citations in my written work all o which has done me no good. When I'm not making nickels an hour, I am researching. This is what I believe these last ew days have been about. The thing Is, since I quit watching television, except espn, i also quit the news. I have been compelled to investigate happenings rom both the past and the present. No bias, just something closer to the truth than I am used too. The only thing I can say about seeking the truth is that it is without question nothing what you think the process to be. I you come across one Possibility o the truth, a set o veriiable circumstances that lead one to "an" outcome, then the best thing you can do is sit on it. I hate that about getting older, the older we get the more we learn about the things we thought were true that were ar rom it. That, I believe is my last our days.

Some people, usually younger people, are willing to do anything to get ahead in this world. The most hurtul o these things is to separate themselves rom themselves. In many cases, these young people are not aware o what they are doing while they are doing it. They just wake up one day only to ind themselves scheduled to do certain things or those who helped bring them along, so to speak. In time, they invariably ind themselves in constant motion or the beneit o other people. Playing the earthly game o "success" is hard-hitting and very real. Those willing to do unthinkable things have the kind o desperation only those looking to exploit that demeanor or every nickel it's worth are looking or. This is especially true o the entertainment industry. What ills our television screens and movie screens are people, some o which did unspeakable things, that have a certain kind o majik within them. They may not be the most talented, but what they do possess is the ability to transorm the audience into being something they are not. They move the audience to participate by involving themselves rom the inside... actually imagining they are part o the iction that is being presented to them. I call this The Secondary Lie. This secondary lie is very much preerred by many people as the regular lie we all possess does not have the same impact on other people's lives. The only thing we have as human beings is the idea that we can be what we want to be in this world. But this must be done without compromising the principles we gained as we grew up. This hold true no matter how good or bad the household was when growing up.

A lot o people, all o us really, have ideas about such mundane things as the meaning o lie. I mean, what exactly is the meaning o our lives here on this planet? Speaking or mysel, I did not choose to be here. In act, I came between two miscarriages. I have no recollection o anything prior to 1969. When I was a kid, I became absolutely transixed with the reality that we have a inite amount o time on this planet and that nobody knows i there is anything beyond our existence here. I started to explore religion and philosophy when I was a kid back in the late 70's. I remember inding out how people rom dierent parts o the world had diering versions o what I came to know as the ater-lie. I also ound early on that children inherit their parents religion and worldview... or the most part. One could argue there is no choice in the matter. It was during high school that I became interested in sociology.
In sociology I ound a myriad o great thinkers who entrenched themselves with trying to understand how society works and the driving orces that operate behind society and how society molds its actors into behaving and thinking in certain ways. Once I started taking communications courses, it became clear to me as to the direction I was going to go. I did not think about what it would pay because I knew there was no pay and that poverty was probably going to be part o the lie I have always known. I suppose my saving grace is the act that I am a minimalist.

I totally understand when people call doctor people quacks. I get that rom start to inish. I read a comment that said you don't need to have a chemical imbalance to become an alcoholic and/or drug addict, but an imbalance does exist within the brain o someone who is bi-polar. rom what I gather, bi-polar is characterized by dramatic mood swings that can occur at various intervals or levels, depending on the stimulus and intensity o "a" situation... or no situation at all... just a situation that is happening inside ones mind. The thing is, people with, let's say depression, have eelings o worthlessness that have no basis in reality. It is something that is contrived out o nowhere and it is what it is. It can be said that a chemical imbalance does exist within said mind. In such cases, proper medication and guidance could be o use... or not. The point is, depression is not understood because it has many variables to consider. To go along with that, each person has a dierent chemical makeup stemming rom dierent circumstances. Oh sure there may be similarities between two or ten thousand people, but the lie experience o each individual person who lives with depression everyday is unique. It is thereor next to impossible to be 100% sure o a proper diagnosis when it comes to depression. In my world, depression is something I learned to hide, well. I kept busy growing up with sports and school so I never let mysel have the time to not be doing something. As I have grown and become less active in those arenas, I have ound that I have the same pathetic, nonsensical notions about mysel as I had when I was young. Bi-polar is something people, even doctor's, know little about. Yes, they know more than those who do not have bi-polar because they study people who have that diagnosis. In reality, that means they have more valid things to say about it than Joe Schmo with virtually no experience in the area. One could easily say, " Well shit, Moby Dick was a shitty book"... having never read it all all. I mean, that's super easy to do and it oten happens when people don't have a clue as to what the hell they are talking about. In my world, Bi-polar is marked by periods o extreme highs and extreme lows all with varying degrees o severity. Sometimes the darkness and negativity is so thick I could absolutely end it all. Yet I don't because I lack the courage. So I chose to drink it all away or quite some time. But ater years o "good times" I ound mysel back in that place, unhealthy, spiritually bankrupt and physically wounded. Through those times, I did have periods o sobriety where I did eel extremely high, but without drugs or alcohol. In every case, in every instance, I always ell hard straight to the bottom o the darkess hole I could ind. I honestly know o no other way to see lie, my lie. I did the medication thing or a ew years and ound it to be aective to a certain degree. But ater x amount o years, I stopped and have been pill-ree or almost a year. And rom what I can gather thus ar, nothing has changed. I am simply older and I guess more comortable with it. I simply quit the ight and accepted mysel or who and what I am: imperect, honest, and quite the ool sometimes. That said, things like depression and Bi-polar disorder or whatever anybody calls it is indeed a reality or some people. It is nothing to lean on or use to make lie easier. Believe me when I say there is no such thing as "easy" when it comes to having to deal with seriously negative eelings about yoursel that have no oundation in reality while at the same time waiting or that crispy wave to take you back to the beach, switly and with enthusiasm knowing that what waits or you at the blanket is a sunburn, sand between your toes, and no water in the cooler.

Nothing

The last thing anybody really wants to hear is truth. There is evidence or this. Many have told jokes about it. Little clues have been let throughout the writings o all kinds o people rom various centers o social, political, and entertainment industries. The very irst thing many o us do when we hear things we are not amiliar with is to simply judge them to be wrong, call it bs conspiracy jargon, and remove the thought immediately rom our minds. But the act is we are all owned by international bankers. They own the government and thereor have tremendous inluence over policy and things like war. This is something that has been in place since our Revolutionary War. But the real oot went down in 1913. No matter what anybody says, that was the year America lost its identity. In that single year, America became no dierent than Europe... just less time in the game. Not long ater, we became the strongest military power on the planet. Why? Why us and why during the time just prior to the cold war (manuactured)? Skipping ahead, nobody looks at the decor o Dealey Plaza. Having been there, I can say that everything is in plain sight. It's so out in the open it is diicult to notice given what took place there. The thing is, these people don't care about us, the little people. And as a result, those in the government who are plugged into this thing also do not care as they have been given the kind o power that they desire... even though they are all acting on other people's behal. They don't care about anything other than their goals which were publicly stated by George Bush when he talked about a New World Order. Jack Kennedy was not privy to this idea, essentially, and was made to be an example. In actuality, Jack knew he was screwed. That was just a perect storm that made it necessary or extreme and immediate changes to be made. The strange thing about this all is the act that many people who operate under various guises do so because that is their job. They know nothing else but what they are assigned to do. Lying is just part o the larger picture which includes one generation ater the next generation. The truth is, people are or sale. or enough money, anybody would do what they are told to do and say what they are told to say. Television makes us keenly aware o what success is. It sure does look like a lot o un doesn't it?

People make the mistake o thinking it's a dem or rep thing. lol, it's not. the repubs just take money rom dierent groups, well, sometimes the same, but dierent. lol. So maybe we should just all get over that. But noooooooo.... lol. I you like the earth, you're a liberal moocher. i you like Jesus, you're a Repub. It's just one screw storm ater another and you can check all this shit through the ages. And since 1913 and the passage o the patriot act, there really is no Constitution that applies evenly to all people. In act, there has never been and there never will be equality. There can only be tolerance because the monied amilies and bankers amilies and riends will always be in control o everybody o any signiicance within the government. There will always be people in high places with direct connections to their bosses. The unny thing is and the bitch o it all is the act that everything can be placed under the umbrella o conspiracy. or example, the more time you spend watching the news, the less time you are apt to spend digging on your own. It took many, many people to put programming like that together... which makes your lack o eort the result o a conspiracy to prvent you rom even having the will to dig any deeper. Isn't that great?

Nobody talks about it, but many write books about it. With all the darkness in the world, with the "Look at me and how well I am doing" mentality that drives us all to the point where we can grow no more, what does that get us? Security? Shit man, has any great thing ever been done rom a place o security? People look down on other people rom places o security. People become armchair quarterbacks and solvers o geopolitical conlicts ater a hal rack o beers and a bag o cheese nips. Then what? God? Then what do people inevitably do? Look down on those who don't worship as they do. This is why God is not the solution. So long as man walks the earth, there will be conlict and it will have one hell o a lot more to do with what was planned ahead o time, with a purpose, than anything the people will ever be told. With all the darkness in this world, there is light. But this light is not ound in all places by all people. It is ound in the cracks and crevices we ind within the darkness, the little openings o time. Just like lies, the truth is presented all over the place in many orms. Art is, in general, a great place to ind and interpret truth.

I was sexually abused by two girls once at a party. Did anybody listen to my story? No! I was lead into a hotel room by two adult males when I was a kid. I got lucky and said my mother was waiting or me at home and she knew I was at The Roadway. Nobody listened. The vibe was a dark one. Male or emale, the world has darkness in it. Within this darkness is what can only be called mass manipulation. The stories that really matter nobody hears about. Some will say,"You eat the meat and unwrap the presents while we slaughter the pigs and cows you put sauce on." To a large degree, this is true. But in the last analysis, in order or there to be such a place as this where there are people living ruitul, yet largely in debted lives... where paper thin television screens can now be slapped on the wall like old wall paper, there has got to be a high level o cluelessness that cannot be readily identiied by those who are most aected. To see it rom within is a diicult task. But there are many rom outside who can see what has to happen on the inside because it has happened in their countries to their people and their amilies. They understand how propaganda works and how it aects entire generations o people. It's like this: You want crime to go away? You want prisons, just not in your neighborhood? You want everybody to pull their own weight and be like you? Really? You want everyone to be just like you? You care that much? And you care enough to convert them to your religion? Well shit man, what would that do to the prison population? What would that do to drug addiction and the making o unwanted babies? Less cops, less nurses, less doctors and therapists needed. Less prison guards and less prisons being built which means less money being exchanged. What would that do to the economy? More God, less crime which means less need or home protection. What would that do to the gun manuacturing industry? Let's not kid ourselves into wanting things to be like this or that because no matter which way it goes the realities o lie are created as such that everybody gets paid all along the way. Nothing in this world is ree. As ar as being used sexually or getting lucky one night when it was plausible that I be raped or killed, I know about those eelings and have had to stew on what these realities must be like or other olks with much more severe outcomes. Intended or not is not the point, but spells are being cast on all those who care to know. People are making money keeping us away rom ourselves.

The more I delve into the history o things, the more I am disappointed. Not only is the day being controlled, but yesterday is also being controlled. This does not say much or the uture o things. With that in mind, the common attitude is, "there is nothing that can be done. Worry about yoursel." I am araid one day a child will wake up and have to get chipped, vaccinated, and indoctrinated into a liestyle that is security based. Now, what can come rom this besides the absolute loss o reedoms? I heard today that the CC is going to mess around with our internet experience. One day I swear a child is going to wake up and have to get clearance just to leave the state. One day it will not be possible to cross into another state without having to go through a complete background check. I am araid Thomas Jeerson was correct. Once we let the banks take over, it is only a matter o time beore there is no nation and there are no reedoms. We have never had a democracy, only a Republic. And right now it has turned into a government controlled by corporations. That my riends is called ascism and/or an oligarchy. So when someone says, "What can we do about it?" just tell them that i they don't know, well, there you have it! Keep watching that television and one day you will realize that you were being lied too the whole time and the boys on top screwed you... well.

When I was a kid, it was vitally important or me to wind up with only three keys when I was older. I needed one key or my room, one key or my ride, and one key I just have because it went to a lock I once had. To me, that was an important goal. The meaning behind it was a simple one: To keep lie simple and without drama. I think the irst ork in the road came when I was 20 and met Cindy. It would have been easy or me to hook into a lielong job, marry the whore, have kids, and then get a divorce and lose the house I never really owned, the car I never really drove, and the kids I never really saw because I was working all the time (My ather worked all the time, but he made time or me when he could). I had that chance. I know that road because I have seen people go down that road and "act" happy. Some o them ind Jesus as a way to cope with their utter misery. Others use drugs or booze or eat or watch too much television to get through the day or weekend or whatever. And hey, who would I be to say they're wrong in doing so? That's what we do here: we spend more on our drugs and tobacco than we do on teachers and education. Getting back to the point here. I am middle aged now and I only have two keys and in the next two to ive years will be selling what little I have. I will then only have one key. I suspect my plans will not go as planned, but I plan on taking to the road or a while. I think I need to see my country and talk to her people. And I cannot do that i I have too many keys.

It takes real courage or a man to reveal himsel to another person... or the world or that matter. It means he has to give up all the tools he's been using to build those walls he has inside and exchange them or a good pair o shoes. I think maybe some people try too hard to tear down the walls they've constructed as opposed to just walking away.... into a more open space... a more open time.

Tom Petty- Crawling Back To You

The Rover

Jethro Tull - Locomotive Breath

Boston - Boston (1976)

I made it to the gas station beore I ran out o gas, which is a good thing. On my way out, near the casino, there were two older Chinese olks just starting to walk across the thing there. But they saw me and jumped. They were very concerned I did not see them. I saw them and stopped 40 eet beore I even got close. I gave them no indication at all that they were not seen. So, I stopped and the lady didn't even acknowledge me. She had no idea I was waiting or her to cross. I was in no way angry or anything with having to wait. I think too oten people do get angry over things like this. But she was genuinely scared. So I waited a while longer and ater waving my hand, she inally saw me and then went ahead and crossed. Her husband was also concerned. There were no smiles. My riend in the passenger seat wished them a happy Halloween as we drove up to the intersection. Nothing. I was struck by the ear they showed. I'm sure they were rom another country and as ar as I am concerned I hope they have nothing but really interesting and good experiences while they are here. 

I keep thinking about what happened in New York today. I wonder i that was on their mind. In my eyes and rom what I am hearing, the ear is really being pressed in our media, especially on ox News. It's unny, the day ater all these indictments comes an Arab man claiming allegiance to isis mows down 8 people in NY and hurt several other people with a Home Depot car. So that is all they had on ox News today. It was a completely old narrative being pushed in the same old ways. I still don't know their names... the ones who were killed. But you can bet every time I watched that news channel it was all about terrorism and saety and security. There is an underlying sheet o ear permeating this society and people are masking it by acting as i they don't care. The unny thing is, I think people have gotten used to it all. And by unny I mean scary.

THE BEST - Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb - PULSE - HD High Definition Wi...

Tea For One

1982 U.S. Open: Watson Chips In to Edge Nicklaus

How Many More Times

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them." And yet our irst measure o success is how nice our things* are and how much money we got. It can be said that our society, rom the get go (a determined measure o what it means to be a success), is set apart rom The Lord in its measures and determinations. And what do we do? We thank The Lord when we acquire a new this or new that. We thank the Lord or the means by which we can buy shit. I think maybe we have it backwards. Don't think or one second that you can buy into all the bullshit, buy a bunch o really nice, one o a kind multi-million dollar sets o the inest coinages, or example, and then turn your back on those with less and stand in any room with any amount o people in it and call yoursel a Christian. ace it, our whole society is predicated on the idea o acquisition o earthly things as a top two measure and determinant o what it means to be successful. As a result, those with much less are almost predetermined to be useless and a taker o society's resources. Oh, I think maybe we have a lot o people walking around with their hand in the ace o The Lord with a silver and gold cross dangling rom their necks. We use UnGodly measures as we judge one another on sight. Yes, mankind, all o us, have a very long ways to go....

I have to say that it is diicult or me these days to ind work. I guess I'm getting old or something. I eel totally oriented outside the loop. Every time I eel as though I am making strides to get along with the way things are "supposed" to be, I ind mysel stepping back and checking mysel. I tried all that when I was younger. I ell into the drinking culture and then the God culture. I was always involved with the people i worked alongside in one way or the other... especially when I was young and ull o energy. But now that I am almost 50, I just don't have the drive to participate in what I see as a complete abrication with consequences that can do a great deal o damage to the creative spirit. In many ways, I believe a lot o really great artists died the moment they took that saety job ater they couldn't sell their work the irst time. Not that suering gets anybody extra points in this lie or the next one, but it sure seems to go with the territory these days.

THE CARS ― MOVING IN STEREO & ALL MIXED UP

No letter between the e and the g.

Silence is golden in an era o onesidedness operating inside an oblivion.

I was doing something when I looked at the screen to a special report. It was 10 something. Somebody is shooting at the crowd with an automatic weapon. I am just sitting there, listening to these rounds go off from on high; turns out the 32nd floor. Cell phone videos record the sound of deflecting bullets all around and the people are silent. Suddenly, the crowd realizes what is happening and the horror begins. I still could not believe what I was seeing. It took me a few minutes to understand what it sounds like when somebody opens up with an automatic weapon and just lets it all fly. There was immediate talk among the media folk about how to prevent something like this from happening again. But there was no place to go with that conversation. This was not a terrorist. This was a 64 year old white guy from the edge of Nevada who was just responsible for the largest mass killing in American history. I can only imagine if the man was a North Korean immigrant who has infiltrated the country. Were that the case North Korea would be on fire as we sit and think together. I am frightened by what a man is capable of doing to his fellow man.

The Steve Miller Band "Serenade"

I sometimes feel I am stretched too thin in my mind. It seems the more I tie myself with analytics, the less I physically do. Of course, there are exceptions. I do like a brisk walk from time to time. But when it's hot outside, I find it's much better to stay in. I think I am on my third month of no television with the exception of golf. Oh sure I breeze around looking for breaking news, but the days of me sitting down and watching the news are over! It's amazing how much free time I have now when compared to the countless hours I sat and watched television. It could be that I was watching too much television and therefore had to slow down or stop. I don't know. I do know that my life has changed and I am beginning to see the world differently. I am in the process of breaking a spell that has been cast upon us all and it is not easy.

The fact is, nobody wants to know the truth unless "that" truth is of some benefit to them personally. This is the only time the truth can be viewed as useful. Otherwise, the facts are simply ideals to be drawn from as necessary. For example, take the JFK assassination. The facts of that case were and are of no use to the government. Anybody who speaks contrary to the Wc findings is a nutbag conspiracy theorist. Nothing could be further from the "truth." In short, Kennedy was shot in the back approx. 5 inches down from his collar and just to the right of his spinal column. The hole was seen and documented by Kennedy's personal physician who was riding in the "last" car of the motorcade. The bullet was then felt by the tips of the fingers of more than one doctor. Now, how can that bullet exit from the front of his neck and do what it did to Connally? It can't! The bullet that hit Kennedy in the throat came from in front. It was two separate bullets, period. And that my friends is all one needs to know that  LBJ covered up the "TRUTH." In short then, we have one bullet n the back that lodged there. We have one that entered his neck from the front. We have another that hit him near the top of his head. We have one that created a baseball size opening in the lower back portion of his skull. How many is that so far? We have the bullet that hit the pavement that struck Tague's face near the triple overpass. We have the bullet that was found in the ground near the street across from the Knoll which was pocketed by an unknown agent (who was pictured doing so, but later disappeared without a trace). We have the strike that hit the inside chrome of the upper portion of the windshield... and we haven't even gone into Connally's two wounds. So, you do the count. In this world, the truth is only as good as its usefulness.

Better Cars

Our family name is something we have when we are born. Nobody has a choice in this matter. For example, I was born into a working class/railroad family. Money was always tight, but my parents always supported the lot of us in the best ways they could. Because of them, my childhood in the 1970's was particularly awesome! Our family name carried no particular weight in our community. But there were many kids my age who were born into families with recognizable last names. Obviously, these names were associated with money and if you come from money, there are certain social powers that are bestowed upon you. Growing up among kids with money showed me what kind of lives they had compared to mine. These kids always: got the girl, had the car, had the cash, had the schooling, had the job waiting for them when they finished school, started out higher than most in their field, and always managed to get away with practically anything they wanted. I listened to the ways they talked down to other kids. I saw the effect those words had on those kids. I watched and befriended truly horrible people that, when talked to as fellow human beings, were just as confused and messed up as the rest of us... they just had better cars. I knew early on in life that having money was not the way to happiness in and of itself. It would never replace the human beings ability to be a complete mess of bottled up confusion and pain. But what a name does for somebody is keep certain doors open and opportunities available to them. In the end, we are not names and we are not money. In the end, we are mortal and the only thing a better name is going to get us is a better, more attractive gravestone.

It is somewhat relieving for me to have once again found coin collecting as a hobby. Although I have only been at it for a week or so now, I have came across a very rare and valuable coin. Needless to say, I am excited. Beyond this new revelation, I have not been in the mood to write as I have gout in both my feet. Both of my feet look like they are blown up balloons and the pain is almost too much to bear. I have been through this before in grad school. I had to get rides to class from security until they found out I was a liability for the university to assist me in that way. Isn't that funny? Six-grand a quarter and seven dollar salads in the cafe and I can't get a little help to class from security? Anyway, I am glad I quit drinking over a decade ago. Otherwise, I would be in seriously bad condition right now. I'm not too sure about my depression as it has been somewhat covered up by my "found again" hobby. I suppose if I think about it too much, it will only get worse. I'm getting pretty tired of worse! I'm getting pretty tired of having to tell myself how important it is to keep climbing, to keep striving for something better. I'm just not feeling that kind of self-hypnosis at this point in time. Today is a new day and I'm okay with that!

The people have always looked for someone to come and show them the way. They think there will be a great man who will come and take this country to a whole new place where new frontiers can be explored; where new energy is used and expanded and where new ideas and technology (science) makes its way across the landscape. This is not happening now as big oil has spoken through its orchestra of puppets: climate change is fake and science is a lie! EVENTUALLY, we have to remember that with every new form of technology, in many cases, comes less of a need for human beings. This reality is not necessarily being addressed. Grocery stores, movies theaters, fast-food joints, gas stations, restaurants, etc.. are requiring less and less people. There will come a time when there is so much happening at the bottom, so much poverty and crime, that it will boil up to the top and then we will all see the system at its end point. And when the smoke clears, the monied folks will climb out of their holes and begin anew by hiring the sick and poor to clean everything up and begin building their mansions. And the people will be without elections, almost like it is now.

"You will lose your freedom under the guise of security," JFK.

Nothing happens without the banks. Congress takes orders from the banks. The people have had no say for quite some time. In essence, there is no longer a functioning Constitution. It has been discounted legally. And nobody knows or will take time to prove it to themselves. Nobody wants to hear it, see it, or think about it. It is a new world forming and nobody has anything to say about it.

Have you ever found out a few things that absolutely changed the way you see the world? Something has been inside me, grinding away all my gears. The last few months have deepened my isolation. I am completely alone now. I am once again having realistic visions of driving the truck off the cliff. I have a spot picked out. It's clean, quick and then no more worries. I totally get why people do such horrible things to themselves. I am in that place now. And you know what's funny? The information, anybody can get it. It's totally free, which in this fucking world is a miracle in and of itself. To say nobody cares is an understatement. People here just want to be comfortable and left alone. They want barbecue's, football games, and beer. They want television shows, movies, and cheeseburgers. They want new cars and clothes and ice cream bars. I swear it is a most amazing thing as nobody cares about what is true and what is false. Nobody reads books. Too many people are getting their information from corporate news. Time and time again, over and over again, you can bring up any one provable fact to someone and if it runs against the information they received from THEIR news channel, it's fake news. The devil couldn't have come up with such genius. The people in this country are so backwards assed fucked over with bad information it absolutely makes me physically sick. Words cannot describe how bad reality really is. I have never been more unhappy in my entire life.

Things are pretty scary here right now. Not a lot of people are talking about it. I think there is a whole lot of wishful thinking going on. I think there is a lot of disenchantment. I must say, I have never felt the way I do. It's a sick, helpless feeling. I see images of people on one channel that are the opposing images on another channel. I swear it's just like a circus. I can only tolerate news if there is something breaking. The rest of it is just repeating. What people fail to realize here is that if you are watching/listening to something long enough, what you are watching will tend to become believable over time. It is the same thing as if you hear oysters make a good dish-washing detergent because of its natural ingredients which have a tendency to, when combined with various other natural ingredients, formulate a kind of fast-acting cleaning agent in the form of foam... bubbles that scrub, scrubbing bubbles. This is just a fabrication. But it is fabrications like this one that show the power of advertising, which is repeated. I wish people payed more attention. If the real light is to go on, the television must go off.

You cannot talk rationally with someone who is paid to do otherwise and you cannot talk with someone who is convinced they are right. Too often, people only want to get their point across without fully taking into consideration other points of view.
Every decision has a consequence and every thought an origin. Rarely can we say it just happened out of nowhere. There is always a somewhere and meaning is everywhere and nowhere all the time.

propaganda and medication

A little while back, I had one of those days in which something hit me. Indeed I was not expecting to get hit that day. But this was no normal day and this no normal strike. I was struck by a thought. Some call these things epiphanies; I'm good with that idea. Anyway, I was rotting away in front of the television and no matter what channel I switched to, it was a commercial for pills. I was channel surfing for what could not have been more than a minute and literally everything I saw was an advertisement for some kind of mediation. Having recently quit a host of medicine after consulting with my doctor, I became a bit frustrated. It was apparent to me that the masses of my society have been and are currently being indoctrinated with propaganda and medication. The booze was always there. The cigarettes were always there. But now we have an epidemic of pills as death rates among people of all ages have risen in all sectors of this country. The images I saw on those pill commercials suddenly were made clear to me. It was as if something revealed itself behind the images. What I saw made me investigate. After a period of time, I came out tired as hell, hungry as hell, and not knowing what time of day or night it was. Needless to say, what I read and what I saw made me physically ill. It scared the shit out of me. I no longer watch television unless it includes golf, football, or special reports on the news. The news itself? I wouldn't watch the news now if I received a check every two weeks. So, after over 30 years studying people and society in the U.S.A., I am learning more and more each day.

Now is the time for artists to rise up and create fabulous pieces of work that will inspire future generation's to not make the same mistakes as this one is making. Always in times of difficulty or uncertainty, humanity has relied on artists to represent them and the ways in which they see the world. Good art (who decides?) allows the viewer to see the piece from different perspectives which creates varying lenses from which to view the larger more relevant picture. Art reveals a story, our story, the human story. I look for art in all its forms. I see it everywhere, all the time. Is that simplistic? I certainly hope it is!

Every single person I have ever met from Australia has been super cool. I wish I could fly. Maybe one day I will have enough drugs in me to be knocked out for the entire flight. It's either that or someone just knocks me out before I get on the plane. I would drink through the flight, but I quit years ago. In any case, if you are reading this and you are from Australia, you are right on in my book and best to you and yours. Plus, you guys gave the world AC/DC!

I think it's cool to have a blog. In my mind, it's better than having to pay for therapy. I couldn't pay for therapy anyways. For too long I tried to stop the race that has always been running in my mind with beer. It worked for some time. No need to go further there. I guess having a blog allows a release of sorts. This release prevents me from doing all the wrong things.
I live through the employment of various lenses. Each lens has its own angles and colors from which I can view a situation. Just like the pen that has been lost for weeks is found three inches away from where you put your heel every night, so too are the answers we seek. We only need to try to understand a situation from every angle while taking into consideration all possible implications of any actions that may or may not occur as a result. But nothing is that simple. The emotion of man is such that once he is tested in his beliefs or actions, right or wrong, he will automatically disperse rhetoric from those emotional havens that have been fed over and over again by what he chooses to see and hear. These days, and I suspect it has always been, too many people are unwilling to not only hear another point of view, but also they call that view a lie without knowing anything about it. A persons inability to change is what stifles the progress of men.

When I was a kid, I stumbled upon a book my mother had stored away in her closet. It was called, "Nineteen Ways to Read a Person," or something to that effect. I read it and became interested in the subject. I suspect my mother was interested in getting ahead in her business. I remember she once told me that she always wondered what life would have been like were it not for her having children. I suspect she would have founded a successful business and made lots of money. Instead, she chose to mix the two. It was a delicate balance to be sure. I have yet to see a woman match her incredible work ethic and ability to keep things together when everyone around her is completely nuts. But that book has always stayed with me.
I've read more books on the subject over the years and then studied sociology and social psychology in grad school. I read as much as I can on the subject of reading people, understanding people, relating to people, effectively listening to people, conflict resolution among people, etc... The one constant, if there is such a thing, is the fact that when conflict arises and emotions are running high, people make mistakes. They can either be seriously honest and use that honesty as ammunition for the fight or they can make things up based not on fact, but blind emotion and/or rage which can have its roots based under the jealousy tree. Younger people tend to do the latter.
It's important to know who it is that is reading you. He or she could watch you from a distance or he could be straight forward, confident, and in your face. He could be a con who talks as fast as he reads people. These are some of the most dangerous people that are in our society. However, their insincerity always gets these guys in the end.

Unless one has been there, no book can make one fully understand. To claim knowledge of something without having the experience to back it up, it is difficult to be sincere with people. The only real learning that takes place anywhere is when ones ears are open and ones mouth is closed. The people who have to remember what they say are usually in what I call "dress rehearsal" at all times. Their true selves would not fit into the category they see as what is best for them. They know they have to play roles. To a certain extent, we all play roles in life. But when it comes to making money, people will say and do anything to achieve their ends... no matter who suffers. Take poverty, for example. Unless one has been flat busted, homeless, and/or addicted and scared, no book has enough words for anybody to know unless they too have been in that place.

The freedom Train

Any man in this country has a right to his opinion based on his system of beliefs. It's a good thing we live in a place where people can believe their toothbrushes open up portals to the angels as they play softball in Heaven, if that is what they believe. If we lived in Iran, we would all be worshiping in the same way, to the same God. If that ever happens here, we're all fucked and our soldiers have never really been fighting for our freedoms that do include the freedom of speech, press, and religion.

I don't have to tell anyone what I believe. That is not important to anybody else but me. I would never impose my religious beliefs on anybody, ever! Who would be so arrogant as to try and make someone believe that they have the answers and they can all be found in the Bible? There are many answers that can be found in the Bible. I think if someone could follow Jesus and his teachings, their life would be much cleaner and clearer. But many folks in this society believe entertainment is just entertainment and the news, their news, is the right news and everybody else is full of shit. In short, it has been written that church is the devil's favorite place and society his playground. In everything he can see all the people who live in half-truths and all out lies. It is these kinds of people that give his kingdom power; if that is what you believe. If that is the case, then I will stand for your right to believe the way you do.

Strange Days Indeed

I am seeing too many negative things happening in this country/world. There is no need to list them all here. But the fact of the matter is that we have become accustomed to violence. It has moved beyond shocking and horrible. In a sense, people have grown up with violence of all kinds. Words can be violent. Relationships can be violent. Violence happens in all shapes and sizes. Yet, when we see violence on television and in the movies, there seems to be less and less of an effect on those who watch it. I have no doubt one could simply call it entertainment. I get that! It is entertainment for sure. But one has to wonder why there are so many advertising agencies. Why do corporations spend heavy, heavy money on advertising? Why do these same people lobby and spend so much money on the hill? All that money has to come back to all of them and then some. And guess what, it does. What some people call "entertainment" is much more than that. These giant corporate entities could care less about anyone but themselves. They use what I believe is nothing short of witchery. That simply means as we watch television, which we agree is entertainment, without knowing or understanding, we are on the receiving end of all kinds of spells. They believe we are doing everything that is and has been expected of us. We watch countless hours of television. We watch all kinds of movies. We idolize sports-figures who couldn't care less about us. I understand how some people would call this negative. I can see how that could be in the eyes of people. I'm cool with that. The only thing I do know is that where large sums of money are being generated, the chances are good there is some form of corruption happening. I get it! Why change the process now? There is evil in the world and it is all over the place and gathering strength.

The Doors - Love Her Madly

Houses of the Holy by Led Zeppelin in 1080p HD

Led Zeppelin - Dazed and Confused ( Song Remains the Same ) 1080p

When The Levee Breaks

Soundgarden - "Fell on Black Days" Live @ Hard Rock Calling 2012

A debate should take place to determine when exactly men became influenced by their feminine side which is and has always been displayed within the entertainment industry. In all honesty, I have not found its beginning. One could track it to MTV and then take it from there, I suppose. The fact is, you may have a pastor that engages in what can only be described as frivolous behavior. He could be wearing the same mask he's been wearing since childhood. It is often the case that certain truths destroy people's idea of what reality actually looks like, its influence on them, and everybody around them. It can be said that what we think is reality is just a series of small, medium, and large advertisements designed to obtain everybody's money. Once we leave our dwellings, all our masks come on. It takes real balls to put down the masks we are so familiar with; we've been reinforcing their use since we learned how to wear them. Television simply keeps us in the game, in the spell, in the delusion.

A true victory is walking through the darkness and somehow making it through to the other side. Some see victory as being a military or sports reference to the winners. This is indeed the case. However, until someone has spent time walking with what can only be called demons (occurs inside your mind), they don't have very much to say about it. I do not recommend anybody walk down the path of addiction, to anything. For me, alcohol was the gateway to my own personal hell. I do not have any regrets for having gone through each of my nine or 13 withdrawal episodes of which two led to seizures and one led to me stopping breathing. I have too many family members and friends who have struggled and lost to alcohol and/or drugs. I was ready myself to cross that line. During the later portion of my struggle, I could not sleep and the only thing I did was drink beer. My hair started falling out. I shook all the time. There was never enough. I have to say that during my years of drinking, I met a lot of strange people. It is really amazing how there is an entire sub-culture devoted to drinking. To be a part of that traveling carnival is something you just have to experience to believe. The main issue always becomes, "what do I do now?" After you have done the party thing, the sex thing, the winding up in another state thing, you will come to the crossroads: continue and die or stop and live. As far as I know, there is nothing worse than the three to four day withdrawals. The things I saw were truly horrifying. In every instance, I quit cold turkey. This is a huge mistake. But at the same time there was no way in hell I would ever be able to ween myself off of alcohol. It was cold turkey or nothing. I still have my life-long companion, manic depression... whatever that means. Alcohol took it away for a short time. But once that time became too much to bear, I had to accept the pain I have always felt on the inside. I cannot run from my darkness, but I know I cannot drown it away either.

I see nothing wrong with being alone. Society seems to frown on single people as if we were suspects in a crime. Questions appear in their minds: he must be gay, he must have lost his wife, he definitely has mental problems, he must be afraid to commit, and so on. These are typical reactions from a pool of people which consist of those who have a 50% chance of making their marriage work. Making something work between two people takes compromise. It takes the kinds of compromises a single person need not think about. Is it true that some single men and women are afraid to commit? The answer is yes. But this cannot rationally be applied to all single people. I think we are too easy to classify someone that is different than what society and families expect.
Being human means we are all different, yet we all have many things in common regardless of pigmentation, history, religion, family, friends, hopes, and social belief systems. We all have dreams to be engaged in that which truly brings us joy, to raise a family, to travel, to take chances, to experience victory and find understanding in defeat. Those who are single and experiencing the middle part of their lives are considered, to a certain and measurable extent, outsiders. It is as if they are sitting alongside a great river while everyone else is swimming in it and having a good time. That example may not happen where anybody can see it, but it does happen in the minds of misfits like me. I have come to know that goodness does not always win the game. Reality brings it all to you in full force. Finding a niche in such and accelerating society is almost impossible. But I know it begins with one single thought. That thought must be different because you are you and there is nobody else like you.

Steve Miller Band - Serenade (from the Stars)

In a society built on a foundation of lies, truth is often hard to find. At certain times in various forms of media, words get spoken and written by certain people with dark affiliations. These words are designed to expel disinformation upon this society as a whole. The dog and pony shows on our televisions (our gods) only serve to keep us uninterested in the realities nobody cares to see or investigate.
 People often make the mistake that media was once honest and free from politics and/or influences designed to sway public opinion. That lies have never been used. That sources have been made up and so on and so forth. Nothing could be further from the truth. The people must not know what is happening to them as they wouldn't believe it anyway. Only from the outside can one gain a fuller understanding of society and what makes it live and breathe.
The spells run so deep covering multiple generations that hard evidence presented to any one person that runs contrary to what they believe serves no real purpose as they would call it all lies. The spell is working well and will continue to do so. Truth is very often a most destructive force. It serves no purpose unless people are getting paid in some way. The internet is but one more avenue being used to spread disinformation. Not until I finished school later in life did I realize that the books we were reading in school were also littered with misinformation and half truths. Nothing is as it seems, nothing!

If you have an earthly dream, you have to know whether or not it is doable. If you have determined that it is doable, you must then plot the steps necessary to achieve that goal. This takes research and study. It takes putting yourself in the right place at the right time. For most of us, the pursuit of dreams is not possible. Many of us gave up on our dreams to pursue a career and family. If the chosen career is the dream, then success has been achieved and that person can go to their grave happy. However, this is not the reality most of us know. In fact, society and friends, even family, will try to discourage the one who pursues his dream. They will stand alongside the road when he comes running by and they will throw fruit at him from both sides. They will criticize, laugh, and mock the dreamer. Well, I believe in the dreamer. I believe in the underdog. If someone has the balls to really go out there and make it happen, then I will encourage them the entire way through. I am reminded by Carl Sagan's pale blue dot. Anybody who watches that short clip will have a better understanding of where we truly are in the cosmos and how insignificant and temporary we all are. It is from that perspective one should begin their journey. Having a dream is wonderful. Just make sure it can be done and then roll the dice and make it happen.

I fail to see how ignorance is something to be cherished. I also fail to see how science interrupts the religious flow in this country. Both ignorance and religion are the results of two things: media and control. They run hand in hand here. The many people who are under this media spell are unaware of its influence both in the way they think and the way they perceive the world. Religion is now and has always been about control. Don't get me wrong, I think it is a good thing to believe in a higher source no matter what anybody calls it. However, like all things human, religion can be taken too far. It matters not which religion it is or what part of the world from which it comes.

I have been investigating the effects of media, specifically television, on the people of this country. It is an ongoing investigation that has revealed nothing new from where I stand. While the methods of this kind of witchcraft have become increasingly influential, the many among us have fallen victim to  spells that have been cast upon them without their knowledge. The years and years of media influence through television has, in many ways, shaped all our lives right from the beginning. We have been told what to think the whole time. We have, in large numbers, relinquished the ability to think independently. This is the definition of ignorance.

Humanity is easily influenced. And when you live in a media circus like we do, you get to see first hand what happens to people who are walking, talking, repeaters of information they heard on television. When you call them on it, they deny it immediately or withdraw from the conversation completely. They have chosen to believe what television has always been telling them, especially their favorite news channel. This, of course, bypasses any knowledge about why news channels are in business. They are in business to make their shareholders money. This is their first priority. They have never had to be truthful.

In this country, nothing has more influence on the population than media and religion. One could say that media brings ignorance just as religion brings ignorance. In my mind, there are too many sets and sub-sets of religion in this country and they all think they're right. That scares me to a certain extent. One major issue I have with religious people is their tendency to quote the Bible a lot using only those passages that suit their beliefs and justifications for those beliefs. To me, that is not the purpose of the Bible. Television is the most powerful influence on the people of this country and it keeps the masses ignorant as to what is really going on in the world. Believing in a higher power is something that is personal and there is nothing wrong with that at all. Religion should not, however, close one off to the needs of his fellow man.

I see promise in the eyes of certain people both young and old. I believe there is a fire that has never really been put out by the realities of life that are being sold to them. I believe they can see through the pack mentality and are not afraid to pursue their own personal goals - however large or small they may be. In this world today, very few people can say they are doing what needs to be done, step by step, so their personal dream can be realized in this earthly life. It could be the dream of a man to beat his addiction to alcohol and put the bottle down for good. Anyone who has been to hell knows what I am talking about. It could be the dream of a woman to be a poet and a painter. In this world today, it would be a difficult task to find monetary success in such a capacity, but the inner peace that comes with the pursuit is what serves as the driver, I would think, for such a woman. I believe inner peace is something we should find before we become the ground we walk on. I can only hope that inner peace can be found through technology in some way. If this is not the case, then humanity is in serious trouble.

Sometimes, the truth is more of a hindrance than that which is false; an outright lie. In some cases in all our lives, the truth is not only avoided, but it is denied altogether. The true power in all our lives, it can be said, is the lie. Without lies, politicians would not know what to do with themselves. Without lies, salesmen would lose their jobs. Without lies, there would be no advertising which would kill many more jobs. Without lies, the news media would cause its shareholders to lose money. It is the lie that keeps everything together. Most importantly, we all have to lie to ourselves in order to fit in to a society that is cheap, greedy, and addicted to misleading information designed to keep everybody in the dark about issues that matter. The bread and circus dog and pony show that is the entertainment industry has the power to influence the minds and perceptions of millions of people. The glowing screens are hypnotic in their nature. If you want to see what hypnosis looks like, place a young child in front of a television and look at their eyes. What you will see is the casting of spells, the indoctrination of the child to accept the material ways of psycho/social measurement and understanding. It is, in essence, the acceptance of lies and the maintenance of their influence.

In this world, the search for the truth is difficult. In many cases, the truth would actually do more harm than good. In business, the truth is well known; it's all about profit. In order for any transaction to occur, the players must take their roles and begin the game of business. They may be wearing suits and ties to give a professional appearance. They may smile a lot and tell stories over drinks before any business begins. But the name of the game is money. So we play these roles knowing full well what we expect to get out of them. We step away from our own truths in order to make some kind of living. We postpone our beliefs and ideals and will do or say just about anything to get the deal done. If the deal is a success, then the roles played by all involved were accepted by everybody. Once an item is made, it then must be packaged, marketed, and sold. This is done through various forms of advertising. It is through advertising that the truth and that which is fabricated becomes blurry. The truth is, you probably don't need what is being marketed toward your age group. But the power and pull of marketing and having to fit in takes precedence over reality and then it becomes reality, your reality. The truth is a dangerous thing. It has the power to altar ones own universe. The truth reveals ugliness and greed and corruption covered by suits and ties and hats and lies.

There is an alarming array of disinformation being played out everyday in the lives of all people in this country. The divisions created by all this is displayed outwardly in the media. The people are spellbound and because of this, they don't believe it. This is the point of being under a spell. Nothing is more dangerous to a democracy than an ill informed public.
To begin with, our system of education is lacking and our children are less educated when compared to many other countries. With technology taking its place in every society, less and less people are needed. This creates a large number of people competing for less and less jobs. Even the fast food industry is going to require less people.
There will come a point in time where we will all hit a sort of brick wall. By that I mean there will be more people, by a large margin, then there are jobs. The elimination of such a large amount of people from the job market will create social tensions which will require more law enforcement to be employed. Jails will become full requiring more prisons and security guards to be hired.
Fortunately or not, there will always be jobs available that cater to the wealthy. These are restaurant jobs, car washes, auto shops, boat repair shops, etc. There will eventually be two classes: Those that have and those that have not. The have not's will always work for a meager wage while putting in as many hours as they can. Life will become more and more difficult for a larger number of people. Tensions will rise and awful things will happen with more and more frequency. The number one drug in this country is television where all the misinformation gets its wings. This addiction, along with our taste for booze, pills, and sports figures keep our minds occupied. It is an occupation to be sure. It can be said that this mental occupation has the power to make the truth look like an outright lie.

There is a funny thing that we humans do at some point in our lives. We place ourselves in purposeful denial, especially when what we hear on the news, for example, runs contrary to what we believe actually happened. Denial is indeed a funny thing. It can be something a person lives with their entire life. For example, we have a President named Trump. Most of this country believes he is nothing more than a child who is way out of his league. Something like 36% of the population here seems to think the man has a mandate from God. They see him and hear him and regardless of all the lies and bullshit they think he's just terrific. In less than two-hundred days he has managed to isolate this country from the rest of the world. He has just about reversed everything O Bama put in place. He has deregulated the banks, killed the EPA, he is killing science and relative inquiry, he has a secretary of education who wants Christianity only in schools, we have teachers in classrooms who are now armed and receiving training, we are polarized to the hilt, heads of state across the world mock him like there is no tomorrow, and he is trying to get a healthcare bill through that will eliminate insurance for those who really need it (millions), and he is limiting the press. These are just a few examples of the damage he has done and continues to do. Those who believe he is here as a mandate from God don't see these facts. They know they're true, but like I said, denial is powerful.

I used to try and please everybody. I still fall into that trap. As I have gotten older, I have realized that it is not possible to please everybody. I mean, I know that to be true. I knew it when I was a kid just as I know it now. I guess I'm too passive and accepting of people and their points of view(s). I know I cannot change them. I would never even try. I simply understand that everybody sees this world in different ways. I mean, we all have to know that right? After all, if we were all the same, there would be no fun at all. Our diversity is our strength. The only thing I am trying to do is continue to learn and continue trying to find my authentic self. This is all I can do. I am like an actor in search of the ultimate role; the one role where I get to play my true, authentic self. The one thing I do know about my true, authentic self is that I am in no position to judge anybody for what they believe, what color they are, or who they choose to be with romantically. I am also for the little guy, always have been. There is always a good story with the little guys success. I think the underdog is also worth rooting for. I think if you are sincere with what you do and how you spend your time; if you are able to leave all your masks at home; if you are truly being sincere to yourself in your daily routine, then you are successful. People may not like you for having your world line up in such interesting ways. They may abandon you as a friend. There is a price to pay with every choice we make. I think being our authentic selves should be our ultimate goal as human beings. This of course must occur without doing harm to anyone or affecting anybody's life in a negative way. I think we humans are too prone to just act on impulse. Maybe things are moving a bit too fast.

Genesis - Abacab

It is very often a most difficult thing to do when one chooses to be who and what they really are in this life. All people know what it is they should be doing as opposed to what they are doing now. What is important for all of us to realize is that we are mortal and we live on this tiny dot in an immense and never-ending cosmos. As Carl Sagan said, "We are a mode of dust caught in a sunbeam." For me, no job I have ever had has brought me any satisfaction whatsoever. Every relationship I've been in gets boring to me very fast. In fact, I get bored too easy with just about everything, especially small talk. I often find it difficult to do anything interesting except look up at the stars and dream at night, hang with a few friends and watch movies or play cards, and then box myself into this unholy cocoon I find myself in every day.

 I feel trapped within myself. I am a prisoner within a cell of my own creation.

Sometimes I am filled with self doubt. Feelings of worthlessness and my hatred of self can sometimes be overwhelming for me. Maybe I spend too much time trapped within myself, alone in this dark room with only the lit screen of my computer providing the light. I feel socially obscure and am no longer comfortable outside my little room inside my head. I do have traces of light that beam through the dark curtains, but that is happening less and less frequently. I suppose writing about these negative thoughts allows me some relief in a weird way. But it never takes the feelings completely away. When I was younger, I could drink my thoughts away. I drank so much it almost killed me more than once. Had I not quit when I did, for the tenth time, I would have passed many moons ago. I have no regrets about my drunken days. I learned a lot about myself and the people around me and I never did like what I saw; not only in me, but all the people I associated with at that time. I think I have a better understanding of why I drank so much. In the end, the demons I had to battle scared me to the point of never wanting to drink again. I may have stopped that form of self destruction, but it seems my negativity has been gaining strength little by little ever since. I feel completely alone in this life. I wish things were different sometimes.